People Assuming You are Straight
Lisa__Michelle
Posts: 845 Member
So, I am currently engaged to my partner of 6 years. It annoys me and is awkward when people assume you are straight. I am a receptionist and I had a lady ask me when I am going to get married "to my husband to be." Just because I am girly, does not make me straight. I wish people would stop assuming. I am just ranting....
0
Replies
-
First of all, Congrats on your engagement!
Second, this is coming from someone who is for the most part straight (honestly I hate labels). For me personally, I don't really assume one way or another when I meet someone what their orientation is. It's just not up on my list of "have to knows". BUT, I can see it from the other side, too, considering that most people are more interested in the opposite sex, and unfortunately heterosexuality is still considered "mainstream" for the most part. Hope this made sense- I can see how it would be totally annoying and awkward when people just assume your fiancée is a guy.
-Kendra0 -
Hetrosexual seems to be the default position for most people, I rang a call centre to change my details, we had our civil partnership back in December and I've changed my name- the call centre asked what my husband's name is, it does annyo me.0
-
I get no end of pleasure in the following, which happens with some regularity
Random third party phone call solicitor: "Hello may I speak to Mr. [my husband's last name]."
Me: "He's not in at the moment, may I take a message?"
Them: "May I speak with Mrs. [my husband's last name]?"
Me: "You are."
Them: ....0 -
My daughter is a girlie, girl lesbian, too. She is also engaged to be married in October. She had the exact same experience just a few days ago but when she informed the older woman that her fiancee is a woman, the woman replied very positively. The world is definitely changing for the better, but it's going to take a little time before people respond with, "Who's the lucky person" vs. "Who's the lucky guy/girl".
When I mention to some people that my daughter is getting married, they often ask about the groom. You'd think I'd be used to it, but it almost always catches me off guard. If I have time and it's appropriate, I often take the time to educate the person about lack of equal rights for same sex couples (I live in Florida). Don't know if I've opened any eyes or changed any opinions, but I think the best thing we can do right now is educate, educate, educate!
Congratulations to you and your intended! You're lucky to have found someone to love and who loves you!0 -
I have the same problem, so I usually volunteer the information myself. I bring up the conversation of "girlfriend" first so people know I'm serious and she's more than just a female friend I hang out with sometimes. I also adorn myself and the spaces where I live and work in rainbows or LGBT* pride gear. People usually get the hint that I'm not straight, either that or they just think I'm really supportive, which is good too.0
-
it's a byproduct of our heteronormative culture. feminine presenting lesbians are in an empowered situation to help break stereotypes of gay women. in the past I've presented more masculinely and never had to elaborate when i mentioned "my partner", but when i present more feminine people are caught off guard when i refer to "my fiance....she...". i like having the opportunity to make people consider their initial reactions and expectations. and if they start to see that what they expect isn't always what is, even better.0
-
I never really thought about it, but although I am not... I always assume people are straight. It actually surprises me when people are not!
Yes, it completely sucks always having to correct people. But I wouldn't take it personally that it's an automatic assumption.
And congrats on the engagement! Hope you post some pics of the wedding!0 -
For some reason, people think my partner and I look alike. We don't see it, but maybe all 50's guys with glasses, white beard and bald all look alike.
In March we were flying through LAX for a weekend in Palm Springs, when this lady about our age approached me as our luggage was coming in on the carousel. She commented on how much we looked alike. Then she asked "is he your twin brother".
"Nope. He's my lover".
I'm not sure if the paramedics got there in time to save her or not.
But we were gone by then anyway.0 -
For some reason, people think my partner and I look alike. We don't see it, but maybe all 50's guys with glasses, white beard and bald all look alike.
In March we were flying through LAX for a weekend in Palm Springs, when this lady about our age approached me as our luggage was coming in on the carousel. She commented on how much we looked alike. Then she asked "is he your twin brother".
"Nope. He's my lover".
I'm not sure if the paramedics got there in time to save her or not.
But we were gone by then anyway.
LOL I hope she's okay!
0 -
I so get this. I identify as pan-sexual. I happen to have married a man but that doesn't make me any less "not straight". The difference for me is that I get this assumption from both sides, gay and straight. So frustrating.0
-
My mom was shocked when I ended up pregnant. She was convinced that because I wasn't interested in being set up for dates that I was well she thought I was into girls. She was so shocked she forgot to call me a s***. Seriously she did that when my sister got pregnant 9 months later. So anyway that's my sad little family drama.0
-
People always assume I am straight. It's funny to see people's reactions when I mention for example, something along the lines of ..."my ex-girlfriend and I used to go there" - Haha, their awkwardness is so funny to watch!
I don't go out of my way to inform people that I'm bisexual though, so it doesn't bother me that the majority of people think I am straight. But it would be nice if society stopped stereotyping and assuming that feminine women cannot possibly be gay because they don't fit the visual expectations :explode:0 -
Ppl assume I'm straight all the time... I just go right along with it... until they see me with my gf whenever I have one... I find it funny...0
-
Well, it's heteronormativity plus feminine lesbians just not "looking lesbian" (ugh stereotypes!). Sometimes, even after saying "my girlfriend" multiple times, people still don't get it until I go "my girlfriend ... as in, my girlfriend, like a boyfriend, only a woman." Lol!0
-
Ppl assume I'm straight all the time... I just go right along with it... until they see me with my gf whenever I have one... I find it funny...
Yea, I never volunteer the info, but it does agitate me sometimes. And I hate, hate, hate, when people assume I'm a single mom or tell me that I need a husband to do certain things because I don't talk about my gf. I guess it's partly my fault for not sharing, but sometimes I don't feel like getting the shocked or dismayed looks. And, on top of that, I hate people all in my business anyway. Wow...I guess I really needed to get that out lol...0 -
I so get this. I identify as pan-sexual. I happen to have married a man but that doesn't make me any less "not straight". The difference for me is that I get this assumption from both sides, gay and straight. So frustrating.
I'm not actually dating anyone but I can see how this is frustrating because I also identify as pan-sexual.
I don't volunteer information unless it comes up. If people are specifically talking to me about dating and/or sexuality I always tell them straight up, "I will be with anyone. As long as we love and are attracted to each other, it shouldn't matter." I do sometimes wonder if it will annoy me if I'm with someone long term and people only identify me based on who I'm with but then I think, "I'm with the person I want to be with so why would sexuality matter other than to keep us attracted to each other. It's not like I'm available anyway."0 -
People think i'm straight when i personally think i give off a pretty gay vibe. Men's dress shirts, shoes, ties, suspenders, etc. And yet men still hit on me. Always very interesting. For people if you're slightly attractive you are straight till proven gay.
Now in my wonderland world it's gay till proven straight. Because let's be honest everyone is a little gay 0 -
For some reason, people think my partner and I look alike. We don't see it, but maybe all 50's guys with glasses, white beard and bald all look alike.
In March we were flying through LAX for a weekend in Palm Springs, when this lady about our age approached me as our luggage was coming in on the carousel. She commented on how much we looked alike. Then she asked "is he your twin brother".
"Nope. He's my lover".
I'm not sure if the paramedics got there in time to save her or not.
But we were gone by then anyway.
This happens to my partner and I as well. He is 14 years older than I am, but people always think we are brothers. We usually don't correct them. I think once it would be fun to start making out in front of said person.0 -
Pisses me off to no end...0
-
I usually don't bother correcting them.0
-
i like having the opportunity to make people consider their initial reactions and expectations. and if they start to see that what they expect isn't always what is, even better.
YES!!! ^^^^ THIS!
Is is very easy to forget, or be simply unaware of how young our process of societal change is. Tow or three generations of gays have worked VERY hard for the standing we enjoy today, and we have have a responsibility to continue changing hearts and minds every day.
Don't be mad that people are making assumptions; be glad to have the opportunity to challenge their assumptions, and be PROUD of your identity EVERY day.0 -
Don't be mad that people are making assumptions; be glad to have the opportunity to challenge their assumptions, and be PROUD of your identity EVERY day.
This.............100% this a thousand times over0 -
yeah, I get that a lot too. People just assume, because you look very, very girlly. You are straight. I diont discuss it anymore with people. I just let them see for themselves.0
-
Don't be mad that people are making assumptions; be glad to have the opportunity to challenge their assumptions, and be PROUD of your identity EVERY day.
This.............100% this a thousand times over
This! I'm more concerned with the black people (im mixed my mom is a mostly white mut that fell in love with a black man) that don't care if I'm queer but give me the side eye because my gf is hispanic. Its sort of frustrating. I want to tell them that I wasn't aware that as a queer mixed person I was automaticly reserved for other mixed and black people. I love women no matter their skin color. But all I do is give them a raised eyebrow.0 -
as I work with the general public as hairstylist in the bible belt, it works to my advantage that people assume I'm straight. I'd rather not invite further discrimination upon myself... especially considering how much my state represenatives hate people who are different. I know I sound like a coward, but I'm not interested in losing my job. Most people who would cause me problems are the people who assume I'm straight. I've got enough working against me because I'm an ethnic minority and non-christian. My partner has been attacked and survived. Tell me what good can I do by dieing? I am more useful alive.0
-
<
See my avi? Guys still amazingly assume that I'm straight...0 -
It bugs me too, but I don't tend to advertise that I'm bi. Although when I hate when i'm talking to someone and refer to my fiance as she and they try to correct me...
them: hahahaha you mean he
me: no ... she
them: you're fiance is a woman?
me: last time I checked... but I can always check again!! 0 -
I am currently not in a relationship, and am attracted to men, so it doesn't annoy me when people assume I'm straight.
But I do feel like sometimes people forget about bisexuals, and assume that because I'm attracted to men, that's only who I'm attracted to.0 -
There is a great spoken piece by Levi about the plight of the invisible femme.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q7IzwUa_kI
I often feel invisible to the LGBT and straight community. While my butch girlfriend is always known and seen. It can hurt my feelers sometimes, but I know who I am and eventually they will figure it out too.0 -
@MsMarlaMae I just watched that video, and it's amazing! I seriously love it. Even cried a little at the end. Thank you!0
