When you are in a relationship...
Tube_socks
Posts: 808 Member
Do you flirt?
What's too much?
Do you consider it normal or healthy?
Do you talk about what's ok with your SO?
Just wondering. My friends all have different views. I still flirt. I imagine the bf does as well.
When I was married however, I didn't flirt.. Ever! I just felt wrong about it. Granted, I don't do it in front of bf as I think it'd be disrespectful but when I'm out I'm very social and friendly. I don't advertise I have a bf unless I'm asked.
What's too much?
Do you consider it normal or healthy?
Do you talk about what's ok with your SO?
Just wondering. My friends all have different views. I still flirt. I imagine the bf does as well.
When I was married however, I didn't flirt.. Ever! I just felt wrong about it. Granted, I don't do it in front of bf as I think it'd be disrespectful but when I'm out I'm very social and friendly. I don't advertise I have a bf unless I'm asked.
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Replies
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i don't think there's anything wrong with some innocent flirting as long as you both respect each other and don't cross any lines.
I'm a naturally flirtatious person, so I tend to do it without even realizing. :bigsmile:0 -
We should have hung out when I went to NOLA!0
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I did. My last BF did as well. It wasn't uncommon for us to make inappropriate comments about people as they passed by.0
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We should have hung out when I went to NOLA!
we should! let me know when u are in town again
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I am horrible at flirting. When I was I didn't since I suck to begin with. It doesn't bother me when my gfs did. In a strange way it made me feel happy. If she is attracting guys that want to flirt with her and she chose to be with me, it boosts my ego, if that makes sense.
Also I was told I was flirted with as well but I am dense when it comes to that kind of stuff.0 -
I know that I still flirt a bit while being in a relationship. There isn't really anything behind it, just flirting that doesn't lead anywhere. I find it fun with certain people.
I would imagine that my gf flirts too, but when we are around each other we don't. That would just come off as disrespectful imo.0 -
You guys are all very level headed... I was dumped once, by text, for apparently flirting at the casino while drunk... sensitive much? Oddly a couple days later I got this email.... food for thought - I agree with it...
"I'm wondering how many of you out there consider
flirting cheating? what are your thoughts and/or opinions
on this . . . ?"
Hey Crystal,
Great question with a complicated answer, so here we go in handy
numbered form:
1. Personally I think that STOPPING non-serious flirting with other people
(at least in a playful way) is downright deadly to a relationship.
I deal with a LOT of men and women every day who talk
about how "dead" they feel sexually and emotionally after
a few months or a few years together . . .
How they just don't feel attractive to the opposite sex anymore.
Or how they feel suffocated by having to shut that flirty, fun,
sparkly side of their personality down.
And relying on just one person to appreciate you emotionally
and physically while denying that kind of energy from
everybody else can really be toxic.
So in a weird way, flirting can actually be GOOD for
a long term relationship. Done right, it's a little like stopping
by the gas station for some "passion fuel" and "self esteem oil."
(Wow, that's the worst metaphor I've ever written.)
2. That said, there's flirting and there's flirting:
The kind of flirting that's good for a relationship is
pretty light. I call it "appreciative" flirting. It's a quick
glance or a funny double entendre'. It's you or your
partner PLAYING a little bit with their sexuality and
their attractiveness to the opposite sex.
The key is really in the intention: If you or your
partner are flirting knowing full well that nothing is
going to happen (and not actually WANTING anything
to happen) it's really no big deal.
If you're "hunting" or actually trying to seduce somebody?
Well, that's a whole other ball game.
The actual limits of what "acceptable" flirting
is are going to vary wildly by relationship.
Personally, I'm a huge flirt (which is probably pretty obvious.)
And even though I'm in a committed (and awesome) relationship,
I have no problem at all commenting on how beautiful a female friend
of mine looks, or sharing a moment of attraction and playful tension
with a woman. (I also make it very apparent from the beginning that
I have a girlfriend and that I'm in a committed relationship with her.)
My girlfriend isn't terribly bothered by this because . . .
A. She knows 110% how I feel about her, how I lust after
her, how much I love her.
B. I make it totally apparent that when I'm "flirting" it's
just a game and I'm not actually trying to seduce a girl.
C. She's secure enough to know that the fact that I'm a guy
who other women want to in some way flirt with actually reflects
REALLY well on her.
The same goes the other way, by the way. When I catch
another guy checking out my girlfriend, I don't freak
out about it like a jealous beast . . . I just kind of smile
because I know I've got a beautiful, sexy woman in my life
and I know she's coming home with me.
Not a big deal if you don't make it a big deal.
Again, though, there's a big difference
between playful flirting (or just "appreciating" someone)
and actually trying to attract or seduce them and you need
to talk to your partner about where that line
is in your relationship.
C. As for whether flirting is "cheating" I'd say it's
a pretty definitive "No." Is over-the-top-flirting-with-the-intention-of
screwing-someone's-brains-out dangerous to a relationship?
Sure. But it in and of itself is not cheating.0 -
Do you flirt?
What's too much?
Do you consider it normal or healthy?
Do you talk about what's ok with your SO?
Just wondering. My friends all have different views. I still flirt. I imagine the bf does as well.
When I was married however, I didn't flirt.. Ever! I just felt wrong about it. Granted, I don't do it in front of bf as I think it'd be disrespectful but when I'm out I'm very social and friendly. I don't advertise I have a bf unless I'm asked.
I've never been in a relationship but I think if you are, you have to be respectful of your partner. You can be friendly with the opposite sex but it should never get flirty to the point that the person thinks you are serious.
My old roommates' boyfriend was super friendly with the rest of us, he would often compliment us, tell us we're pretty etc. If I was wearing a new outfit he would always say stuff like "wow how do the guys resist you?" But it was all in fun, and he usually would punctuate it with, "but my girlfriend is the cutest!" or something like that. That was polite, friendly flirting.
Flirting is not always sexual, and it definitely healthy to be friendly and outgoing, but the flirting shouldn't be overtly sexual or serious. I have been flirted with before, but I know it's not sexual or romantic, it's just friendly.0 -
If it's a good relationship then the people involved should be able to trust the person there with, so the two people should just continue to be themselves.
If they were naturally flirty before then why shouldn't they carry on, that's their personality and that's the person you decided you liked enough to get together with them.
If they weren't flirty before then suddenly became so then that's a bit different, but no relationship should involve either party trying to change the other, it's doomed to fail.
At the end of the day it's all about trust, which a relationship imo is pointless without. as long as you trust them to be themselves but stay true to you then there should be no issues.0 -
Hmmm! I think harmless flirting is okay if that's your personality, but personally, I don't flirt with other guys if I'm in love with someone. I just dont have eyes for anyone else. But then I wouldnt say I'm overly flirty anyhow :huh:
I dont feel right if a married (or guy in a relationship) guy flirts with me.
As with everything, there are degrees, and lines that shouldnt be crossed.0 -
I don't think I ever flirt with anyone in front of her, just occasionally with the ladies around here.0
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1. Personally I think that STOPPING non-serious flirting with other people
(at least in a playful way) is downright deadly to a relationship.
I deal with a LOT of men and women every day who talk
about how "dead" they feel sexually and emotionally after
a few months or a few years together . . .
How they just don't feel attractive to the opposite sex anymore.
Or how they feel suffocated by having to shut that flirty, fun,
sparkly side of their personality down.
And relying on just one person to appreciate you emotionally
and physically while denying that kind of energy from
everybody else can really be toxic.
So in a weird way, flirting can actually be GOOD for
a long term relationship. Done right, it's a little like stopping
by the gas station for some "passion fuel" and "self esteem oil."
(Wow, that's the worst metaphor I've ever written.)
2. That said, there's flirting and there's flirting:
The kind of flirting that's good for a relationship is
pretty light. I call it "appreciative" flirting. It's a quick
glance or a funny double entendre'. It's you or your
partner PLAYING a little bit with their sexuality and
their attractiveness to the opposite sex.
The key is really in the intention: If you or your
partner are flirting knowing full well that nothing is
going to happen (and not actually WANTING anything
to happen) it's really no big deal.
If you're "hunting" or actually trying to seduce somebody?
Well, that's a whole other ball game.
The actual limits of what "acceptable" flirting
is are going to vary wildly by relationship.
Personally, I'm a huge flirt (which is probably pretty obvious.)
And even though I'm in a committed (and awesome) relationship,
I have no problem at all commenting on how beautiful a female friend
of mine looks, or sharing a moment of attraction and playful tension
with a woman. (I also make it very apparent from the beginning that
I have a girlfriend and that I'm in a committed relationship with her.)
My girlfriend isn't terribly bothered by this because . . .
A. She knows 110% how I feel about her, how I lust after
her, how much I love her.
B. I make it totally apparent that when I'm "flirting" it's
just a game and I'm not actually trying to seduce a girl.
C. She's secure enough to know that the fact that I'm a guy
who other women want to in some way flirt with actually reflects
REALLY well on her.
The same goes the other way, by the way. When I catch
another guy checking out my girlfriend, I don't freak
out about it like a jealous beast . . . I just kind of smile
because I know I've got a beautiful, sexy woman in my life
and I know she's coming home with me.
Not a big deal if you don't make it a big deal.
Again, though, there's a big difference
between playful flirting (or just "appreciating" someone)
and actually trying to attract or seduce them and you need
to talk to your partner about where that line
is in your relationship.
C. As for whether flirting is "cheating" I'd say it's
a pretty definitive "No." Is over-the-top-flirting-with-the-intention-of
screwing-someone's-brains-out dangerous to a relationship?
Sure. But it in and of itself is not cheating.
This is exactly how I feel about flirting and I couldn't have said it any better0 -
What I think is interesting about this topic is that women generally use flirting as a way to let guys know they are interested rather than flat out asking a guy out. Now some of the women in here are categorizing levels of flirting (harmless, innocent, etc.). So if flirting is your primary mechanism of letting a guy know you are interested in advances and yet flirting is also just inncoent harmless fun, I think I have a much better understanding of why the men you flirt with don't necessarily pick up on your clues.0
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I flirt because it's fun. I flirt with funny old men, girls, hot guys, super young guys, etc. it's just fun. But yes, when I'm interested in someone I flirt too.
I guess there's no difference for me except for my intentions, which only I know what they are.0 -
i've been told i flirt with everyone (men women, children, old people, pets) which i dont really agree with. i tease and joke and pretty cheeky with everyone which gets misconstrued as flirting. when i'm REALLY flirting in THAT way, i usually include touching .
only one of my past BFs had an issue with it and that was more because of his insecurities so we ddnt go out long0 -
What I think is interesting about this topic is that women generally use flirting as a way to let guys know they are interested rather than flat out asking a guy out. Now some of the women in here are categorizing levels of flirting (harmless, innocent, etc.). So if flirting is your primary mechanism of letting a guy know you are interested in advances and yet flirting is also just inncoent harmless fun, I think I have a much better understanding of why the men you flirt with don't necessarily pick up on your clues.
Hey, stop making excuses and go back to mind reading.0
