Caught Him on POF - What To Do??
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Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:
She said her's is hidden which is pretty much putting a hold on it instead of deleting it.0 -
Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:
She said her's is hidden which is pretty much putting a hold on it instead of deleting it.
I'm hiddin, no one can message me or see me. I don't exist on POF unless I unhide it.0 -
Two questions. What do you mean you caught him active on POF? Was he on the computer and you caught him browsing and messaging other women? Did you see that his account was still open and not hidden? And given that he was out searching for other women to date and not just that he still has an open account, how was it determined you were exclusive? Did you actually talk about being exclusive or did you start having sex two months ago and assume you were exclusive because sex is part of a monogamous commited relationship?
Good questions. If someone is your favorite on POF you can look to see how often and when they are online. My profile is hidden but I can see when he is on. I randomly checked and he was online at that very moment so I text him and asked him why. His account isn't hidden or inactive. It's active and he's online.
About being exclusive, I wasn't ready but he initiated the conversation and made it clear he didn't want me talking to or seeing anyone else. I told him we could give it a shot. So yes we had the exclusive talk and I have been behaving as I promised but have an issue with him searching POF and having pics of his naked ex on his phone if we are "exclusive". I told him my concerns and he said the right things, deleted the pics (supposidly) and inactivated his account (I haven't been on to validate). I am still worried, I don't want to be naive and end up heart broken.
Well I would just validate that his account is inactive, and let it go. It sounds like he is willing to work on things. If you hold on to your suspicions, then you could end up sabotaging things with him later. Let this go, and just keep your eyes peeled for red flags in the future, but don't look for problems where there aren't any.
This is exactly what my mom said to do. Thanks.0 -
FYI - Just because you have hidden your profile, it does not mean you are completely "hidden". How do you know he wasn't hidden as well?
From the POF FAQ:
If you have hidden your profile, the following users will still be able to see your profile:
Users you contact after you hide your profile
Users who have messages in your inbox
Users on your favorites list
Users who have you on their favorites list
http://www.pof.com/HelpCenter/helpCenter_hideProfile.aspx
ETA the POF Link.0 -
And, FTR... I loves you all.
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Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:
She said her's is hidden which is pretty much putting a hold on it instead of deleting it.
I don't like hidden accounts on POF. To me it's not putting it on hold because you can still look and message people ... they just can't find you. He may feel because you are on, he has a right to be too, even though you are hidden. Since he is on your fav's list, he can see you online just like you can see him. Personally, if you want his gone, you need to make yours go poof too. Just my opinion.0 -
I really think you both should have deleted your accounts. What's the point in being exclusive if you're still looking/checking a dating site?
I'm sure you'll work it out. At least you've confronted the situation and have agreed to move on.......:flowerforyou:0 -
Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:
She said her's is hidden which is pretty much putting a hold on it instead of deleting it.
I'm hiddin, no one can message me or see me. I don't exist on POF unless I unhide it.
But why were you on there?
To spy on him?0 -
This is a hot mess. You've only been with him 2 months and you're spying on him??
If you're spying on him already, there's no trust. Right now should be where you believe he can do no wrong, you believe him, you're in la la land.
That's not a way to start off.
Why were you spying on him?? Is this what you regularly do when you're dating someone??0 -
Read all the responses and a couple things I agree with...
1. If you are still in fact hidden and haven't entirely deleted your account then you really have no basis. I mean, you have done the same thing, whether you logged in for gain or to spy on him. (Becky's POF FAQ summed it up, he can see you are online too, etc.)
2. Were you really spying on him? ie, you logged in solely to see if he had, but not for your personal experience/gain? If yes, eek! Why don't you trust him?
3. If you have addressed it with him - then why not go back on POF one last time, see that he did in fact delete it - DELETE YOURS - and move on. If you still see he has logged in since you talked, then break up with him if you want too.
4. He has EX'S naked pics on his phone? WTF? to me that is classless and tacky... At first I thought they were of him and I went meh who cares, but then I later on read they are of his ex's.. to me that is NOT ok, especially since HE asked YOU to be exclusive. that would enough for me, but we all have our own boundaries.0 -
Things that stick out to me...and I'm assuming you did the logout and check if his profile pops up without signing in...
His account isn't hidden or inactive. It's active and he's online.
About being exclusive, I wasn't ready but he initiated the conversation and made it clear he didn't want me talking to or seeing anyone else. I told him we could give it a shot. So yes we had the exclusive talk and I have been behaving as I promised but have an issue with him searching POF and having pics of his naked ex on his phone if we are "exclusive". I told him my concerns and he said the right things, deleted the pics (supposidly) and inactivated his account (I haven't been on to validate). I am still worried, I don't want to be naive and end up heart broken.
Any man (works that way for a woman too, if I was dating a gal) that asks for exclusivity but doesn't do all the proper things such as deleting or at least hiding a dating account just reeks of all kinds of red flags to me.
He initiated it, but yet his account wasn't even immediately hidden or deleted. And, he went on long enough for you to sign into your hidden account and be caught (I'm sorry but again he's the guy who asked for it and he should have all ready freaking told the other prospects he wants someone serious therefore has no reason to log the frak back in).
. If those red flags are right, then he'll merely wait you out as he waxes more poetic to a point where you're not checking on the site, make an alternate account without a primary pic, and still get his "backups". . To me, this signals he wants to keep you as his main "go to" as he still trolls on the side. Some may give the "but it's still a new relationship" bit since its only two months, but if he's not ready for it, he shouldn't have asked. And, frankly, anyone that's wants to be serious should know if his gf won't like the kind of pics that he has.
I'd suggest to keep a look out for other red flag behaviour....flaking out, being 180 with personality (all smooth talk then non-responsive, then smooth talk again), etc, etc.
Right now, my douchedar senses are tingling.0 -
are you dating or actuall bf/gf relationship... if your just dating... your still playing the field.. if your in in a relationship... or you are and hes not..then dump him and flush him..0
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This.This is a hot mess. You've only been with him 2 months and you're spying on him??
If you're spying on him already, there's no trust. Right now should be where you believe he can do no wrong, you believe him, you're in la la land.
That's not a way to start off.
Why were you spying on him?? Is this what you regularly do when you're dating someone??
Please OP, give me the guy's phone number or email so that I can tell him you're spying on him and that he should take some distance from you immediately.
Every guy should know that dating women with trust issues is a no go, and this poor puppy (the man) maybe doesn't know it yet.0 -
It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.0
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It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.
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Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
Couldn't agree more! But my first reaction was "He's still on POF? Come on girl. Rip the band-aid off and go". BUT she has a point. It depends when he was last logged on. Also, since you said you were recently on the site to delete your account, maybe he saw that you still had yours also so that could be why he hasn't deleted his either.
To each his own but the pictures wouldn't bother me unless they were of an ex. Porn pics, totally different story and I'm okay with them.
Also, yes, many people on MFP are mean.
Lastly, this:Any man (works that way for a woman too, if I was dating a gal) that asks for exclusivity but doesn't do all the proper things such as deleting or at least hiding a dating account just reeks of all kinds of red flags to me.
Edit now that I read the whole thread. Woops. So they are pictures of an ex? No thanks. You said he told you he had pictures of his ex, naked, on his phone. How did that conversation start? :laugh: Or did you find them on his phone? Not judging just asking. If you check his profile and he's still on there, definitely leave. He doesn't respect you. ALSO, I was just wondering about the "being exclusive" conversation. He told you he doesn't want YOU seeing anyone else and you agreed...but did you make it clear that you expect the same of him?0 -
How do you know he wasn't doing the same thing?It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.
But yeah you never said the naked pics on his phone were of his ex in your original post, that's not cool.0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
Couldn't agree more! But my first reaction was "He's still on POF? Come on girl. Rip the band-aid off and go". BUT she has a point. It depends when he was last logged on. Also, since you said you were recently on the site to delete your account, maybe he saw that you still had yours also so that could be why he hasn't deleted his either.
To each his own but the pictures wouldn't bother me unless they were of an ex. Porn pics, totally different story and I'm okay with them.
Also, yes, many people on MFP are mean.
Lastly, this:Any man (works that way for a woman too, if I was dating a gal) that asks for exclusivity but doesn't do all the proper things such as deleting or at least hiding a dating account just reeks of all kinds of red flags to me.
Edit now that I read the whole thread. Woops. So they are pictures of an ex? No thanks. You said he told you he had pictures of his ex, naked, on his phone. How did that conversation start? :laugh: Or did you find them on his phone? Not judging just asking. If you check his profile and he's still on there, definitely leave. He doesn't respect you. ALSO, I was just wondering about the "being exclusive" conversation. He told you he doesn't want YOU seeing anyone else and you agreed...but did you make it clear that you expect the same of him?
Answering your questions. The pic of an ex popped up in his is pic stream on his phone when he was showing me a pic of his daughter. We were at a rodeo with my family and he wanted to show me a pic of her in her cowboy hat then boobs popped up...eeekk. I addressed it a couple of days later and he said it was an ex. He also has a chive album of strangers, I'm not so worried about that one. The ex did bother me.
Yes, we had the exclusive talk and we both agreed to not see or talk to anyone else. It was early I thought but we seemed to have a lot in common and it was worth a shot. Thanks for not being mean and providing good feedback, I appreciate it.0 -
How do you know he wasn't doing the same thing?It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.
But yeah you never said the naked pics on his phone were of his ex in your original post, that's not cool.
I knew he wasn't doing the same thing because I asked him. He said he was bored at the station and him and the guys were searching girls on his phone. This wasn't the first time either. The first time was when we were dating and my account was already hidden and we were at his sisters house and girls were messaging him. He said he would hide his account and never did. Then after we went exclusive is when he was searching for girls. Major red flag for me. I had a long conversation with him about it last night.0 -
You obviously don't trust him.
This ones easy, call it quits.0
