Caught Him on POF - What To Do??
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Things that stick out to me...and I'm assuming you did the logout and check if his profile pops up without signing in...
His account isn't hidden or inactive. It's active and he's online.
About being exclusive, I wasn't ready but he initiated the conversation and made it clear he didn't want me talking to or seeing anyone else. I told him we could give it a shot. So yes we had the exclusive talk and I have been behaving as I promised but have an issue with him searching POF and having pics of his naked ex on his phone if we are "exclusive". I told him my concerns and he said the right things, deleted the pics (supposidly) and inactivated his account (I haven't been on to validate). I am still worried, I don't want to be naive and end up heart broken.
Any man (works that way for a woman too, if I was dating a gal) that asks for exclusivity but doesn't do all the proper things such as deleting or at least hiding a dating account just reeks of all kinds of red flags to me.
He initiated it, but yet his account wasn't even immediately hidden or deleted. And, he went on long enough for you to sign into your hidden account and be caught (I'm sorry but again he's the guy who asked for it and he should have all ready freaking told the other prospects he wants someone serious therefore has no reason to log the frak back in).
. If those red flags are right, then he'll merely wait you out as he waxes more poetic to a point where you're not checking on the site, make an alternate account without a primary pic, and still get his "backups". . To me, this signals he wants to keep you as his main "go to" as he still trolls on the side. Some may give the "but it's still a new relationship" bit since its only two months, but if he's not ready for it, he shouldn't have asked. And, frankly, anyone that's wants to be serious should know if his gf won't like the kind of pics that he has.
I'd suggest to keep a look out for other red flag behaviour....flaking out, being 180 with personality (all smooth talk then non-responsive, then smooth talk again), etc, etc.
Right now, my douchedar senses are tingling.0 -
are you dating or actuall bf/gf relationship... if your just dating... your still playing the field.. if your in in a relationship... or you are and hes not..then dump him and flush him..0
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This.This is a hot mess. You've only been with him 2 months and you're spying on him??
If you're spying on him already, there's no trust. Right now should be where you believe he can do no wrong, you believe him, you're in la la land.
That's not a way to start off.
Why were you spying on him?? Is this what you regularly do when you're dating someone??
Please OP, give me the guy's phone number or email so that I can tell him you're spying on him and that he should take some distance from you immediately.
Every guy should know that dating women with trust issues is a no go, and this poor puppy (the man) maybe doesn't know it yet.0 -
It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.0
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It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.
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Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
Couldn't agree more! But my first reaction was "He's still on POF? Come on girl. Rip the band-aid off and go". BUT she has a point. It depends when he was last logged on. Also, since you said you were recently on the site to delete your account, maybe he saw that you still had yours also so that could be why he hasn't deleted his either.
To each his own but the pictures wouldn't bother me unless they were of an ex. Porn pics, totally different story and I'm okay with them.
Also, yes, many people on MFP are mean.
Lastly, this:Any man (works that way for a woman too, if I was dating a gal) that asks for exclusivity but doesn't do all the proper things such as deleting or at least hiding a dating account just reeks of all kinds of red flags to me.
Edit now that I read the whole thread. Woops. So they are pictures of an ex? No thanks. You said he told you he had pictures of his ex, naked, on his phone. How did that conversation start? :laugh: Or did you find them on his phone? Not judging just asking. If you check his profile and he's still on there, definitely leave. He doesn't respect you. ALSO, I was just wondering about the "being exclusive" conversation. He told you he doesn't want YOU seeing anyone else and you agreed...but did you make it clear that you expect the same of him?0 -
How do you know he wasn't doing the same thing?It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.
But yeah you never said the naked pics on his phone were of his ex in your original post, that's not cool.0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
Couldn't agree more! But my first reaction was "He's still on POF? Come on girl. Rip the band-aid off and go". BUT she has a point. It depends when he was last logged on. Also, since you said you were recently on the site to delete your account, maybe he saw that you still had yours also so that could be why he hasn't deleted his either.
To each his own but the pictures wouldn't bother me unless they were of an ex. Porn pics, totally different story and I'm okay with them.
Also, yes, many people on MFP are mean.
Lastly, this:Any man (works that way for a woman too, if I was dating a gal) that asks for exclusivity but doesn't do all the proper things such as deleting or at least hiding a dating account just reeks of all kinds of red flags to me.
Edit now that I read the whole thread. Woops. So they are pictures of an ex? No thanks. You said he told you he had pictures of his ex, naked, on his phone. How did that conversation start? :laugh: Or did you find them on his phone? Not judging just asking. If you check his profile and he's still on there, definitely leave. He doesn't respect you. ALSO, I was just wondering about the "being exclusive" conversation. He told you he doesn't want YOU seeing anyone else and you agreed...but did you make it clear that you expect the same of him?
Answering your questions. The pic of an ex popped up in his is pic stream on his phone when he was showing me a pic of his daughter. We were at a rodeo with my family and he wanted to show me a pic of her in her cowboy hat then boobs popped up...eeekk. I addressed it a couple of days later and he said it was an ex. He also has a chive album of strangers, I'm not so worried about that one. The ex did bother me.
Yes, we had the exclusive talk and we both agreed to not see or talk to anyone else. It was early I thought but we seemed to have a lot in common and it was worth a shot. Thanks for not being mean and providing good feedback, I appreciate it.0 -
How do you know he wasn't doing the same thing?It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.
But yeah you never said the naked pics on his phone were of his ex in your original post, that's not cool.
I knew he wasn't doing the same thing because I asked him. He said he was bored at the station and him and the guys were searching girls on his phone. This wasn't the first time either. The first time was when we were dating and my account was already hidden and we were at his sisters house and girls were messaging him. He said he would hide his account and never did. Then after we went exclusive is when he was searching for girls. Major red flag for me. I had a long conversation with him about it last night.0 -
You obviously don't trust him.
This ones easy, call it quits.0 -
I knew he wasn't doing the same thing because I asked him. He said he was bored at the station and him and the guys were searching girls on his phone. This wasn't the first time either. The first time was when we were dating and my account was already hidden and we were at his sisters house and girls were messaging him. He said he would hide his account and never did. Then after we went exclusive is when he was searching for girls. Major red flag for me. I had a long conversation with him about it last night.
Peace out.You obviously don't trust him.
This ones easy, call it quits.
I wouldn't trust him either though. Why should she? Trust should be earned, not a given from the get-go. I learn to trust someone mainly through their actions if they prove to be trustworthy. I don't know about you but I don't go around trusting people I don't know that well! AND he's given her red flags.
Tell him to kick rocks and move on chica. Feel free to PM me.0 -
You obviously don't trust him.
This ones easy, call it quits.
I wouldn't trust him either though. Why should she? Trust should be earned, not a given from the get-go. I learn to trust someone mainly through their actions if they prove to be trustworthy. I don't know about you but I don't go around trusting people I don't know that well! AND he's given her red flags.
Tell him to kick rocks and move on chica. Feel free to PM me.
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Did I say she should trust him?
I don't think I did..0 -
Drop him! Way too much for 2 months!!! You're already having to give him long talks and on something that should be common sense (you don't look for other women when in a relationship- duh). Like I said, you should be in honeymoon right now.
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to rush into it with him. He doesn't seem very serious.0 -
Now that you had a conversation with him and with all the information you provided (he gave you his reasons, and he basically wasn't deleting his profile), then the answer to your question is: no. "Searching for girls" isn't probably a "normal" behaviour for a guy in a relationship (although it isn't way off the normal behaviour either, as it really depends on the context).
How do you know he wasn't doing the same thing?It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.
But yeah you never said the naked pics on his phone were of his ex in your original post, that's not cool.
I knew he wasn't doing the same thing because I asked him. He said he was bored at the station and him and the guys were searching girls on his phone. This wasn't the first time either. The first time was when we were dating and my account was already hidden and we were at his sisters house and girls were messaging him. He said he would hide his account and never did. Then after we went exclusive is when he was searching for girls. Major red flag for me. I had a long conversation with him about it last night.
But... Regardless of my relationship status, I (and many men) check girls out in the street, or models on the web/publications, or "hot women" in general.
So if he was "just looking", then I suppose there isn't any harm done (but it can be a red flag, indeed). If he was testing the water with those women (what he seems to have been doing from what you are saying), then this is a different story.
What is more worrying is: he said he would hide his account and never did. This makes him a liar, instead of a guy who just checks women out... And you can just imagine any context you want as to why he was "searching for girls", whatever truth he will be telling might just be a lie now.
So yeah, from there, I would myself have a hard time believing anything he says and call it the end, plus these kinds of "silly games" are just too complex, too boring and too childish for me to bother.
So, just let him go and find someone else basically.0 -
So "he and the guys" are looking through the girls at the station..... Yeah, I've heard that story before. Then I got divorced and finally heard the true story. Save yourself the heartache. As Dianna said.... this is a hot mess. Run away.0
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Now that you had a conversation with him and with all the information you provided (he gave you his reasons, and he basically wasn't deleting his profile), then the answer to your question is: no. "Searching for girls" isn't probably a "normal" behaviour for a guy in a relationship (although it isn't way off the normal behaviour either, as it really depends on the context).
But... Regardless of my relationship status, I (and many men) check girls out in the street, or models on the web/publications, or "hot women" in general.
So if he was "just looking", then I suppose there isn't any harm done (but it can be a red flag, indeed). If he was testing the water with those women (what he seems to have been doing from what you are saying), then this is a different story.
What is more worrying is: he said he would hide his account and never did. This makes him a liar, instead of a guy who just checks women out... And you can just imagine any context you want as to why he was "searching for girls", whatever truth he will be telling might just be a lie now.
So yeah, from there, I would myself have a hard time believing anything he says and call it the end, plus these kinds of "silly games" are just too complex, too boring and too childish for me to bother.
So, just let him go and find someone else basically.
LOVE IT!
:drinker: :flowerforyou: 
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I say drop him quickly. This reeks with tons of red flags.
1. If he is on a dating site,then he is obviously looking for dates. There is no other explanation. He is actions is telling you everything!
2. He still have pics of a supposed ex-girlfriend on his phone. I am sure they didn't break up yesterday, so they should've been gone months ago. It's likely a girl he met recently and not an ex.
3. After TWO months he was asking you for a relationship/exclusivity. Honestly, that is very quick for man in most cases. Sometimes people with PERSONALITY disorders get you into a relationship very quickly after a short period of time, but usually they are looking for additional sources of sex outside of their "main supply."
4. He lied to you!0 -
3. After TWO months he was asking you for a relationship/exclusivity. Honestly, that is very quick for man in most cases. Sometimes people with PERSONALITY disorders get you into a relationship very quickly after a short period of time, but usually they are looking for additional sources of sex outside of their "main supply."
Not sure I agree with this.
My current bf asked me to be exclusive - well he called me his girlfriend and I told him he couldn't assume I was, so he asked me - and that was after about 1.5 months. It took me off the dating sites, and it progressed our relationship a lot. I don't think it was too early, and I don't think he has a personality disorder, I just think he knew he wanted to snatch me up before someone else did.
Yes in her case there are a lot of red flags - is him asking her to be exclusive one of those flags? I am not so sure, but I think that's a pretty bold statement nonetheless.0 -
I don't agree either. If im looking for a relationship and so is he, a month or 2 should be enough. I don't think anybody has personality disorders. From what I have seen in my experience, men don't like to rush BUT when they're really into someone they want to snatch her up!0
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I say drop him quickly. This reeks with tons of red flags.
1. If he is on a dating site,then he is obviously looking for dates. There is no other explanation. He is actions is telling you everything!
2. He still have pics of a supposed ex-girlfriend on his phone. I am sure they didn't break up yesterday, so they should've been gone months ago. It's likely a girl he met recently and not an ex.
3. After TWO months he was asking you for a relationship/exclusivity. Honestly, that is very quick for man in most cases. Sometimes people with PERSONALITY disorders get you into a relationship very quickly after a short period of time, but usually they are looking for additional sources of sex outside of their "main supply."
4. He lied to you!
1. He said he was bored and looking at girls. I figure that if he was lying he could come up with a better excused than that!
2. I have ex b/f pics on my phone. Its no big deal and certainly doesn't mean anything apart from I like the pics!
3. I also disagree. If you like someone, you just go for it. Also, most people are not hung up on sex, or feel the need to be devious about it.
4. See 1.
You have a highly suspicious mind EBFN!! :noway: Of course, you could also be right!! :laugh:0 -
Well obviously things differ with different men, but the thing is this guy asked YOU for a exclusivity but he's still on a dating site. Which means he is still fishing...Maybe he doesn't have a personality disorder, but he is up to no good. If you buy his excuse, I say carry on.0
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It's normal for cheaters to lie. Any man who keeps his POF account active knows they are doing it.0
This discussion has been closed.