I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Just to let you know you're not alone, I felt the exact same way once I finished treatment.

I had 2 surgeries last year. The first discovered the cancer, the second removed it. Then I had a few weeks to recover and started chemo (4 rounds) and radiation.

I finished up treatment in mid-January and returned to work part-time in March, full time in April. The 6 weeks between the end of treatment and when I went back to work were miserable. I definitely think it was my body getting back to "normal." Chemo sent me in to menopause, which made things so much worse. My hormones were off balance and I didn't understand why I wasn't back to my regular activities. The worse part was that I was still scared - I wanted to have more MRI and CT scans done so that my doctors would tell me that everything was ok. It didn't help that I had one scan that the radiologist read and actually put in the notes "may have tumor re-occurrence." It wasn't cancer, it was scar tissue. That kind of stuff messed with my head big time. I kept thinking - when is this over? I went through the treatment, I lost my hair - can I just have some sort of good news? Am I always going to think the tumor is still there - or that there is one cell left in my body and that it could come back?

It took some time - and an anti-depressant to get me back to my old self. I hate to push drugs on people, but it really made the difference. I was actually prescribed it to help with the hot flashes. It worked - and after a few weeks, I was able to let go of a lot of my worries. I was able to return to work - which I don't think would have been possible without it. I also started going to a support group. It helped so much to talk with others going through the same thing. Suddenly, I wasn't alone. I stayed on the anti-depressant for a few months and now I'm slowly weaning myself off. It was just to help me get over the hump. And it did.

As sappy as it may sound, I have some specific things I think about when I start to worry. I remember first of all, that I feel great. I remind myself that 6 months ago, I could barely get up off the couch. Now I'm excited to get up and get moving. I want to take my kid to the park or take a walk. I'm excited because I can. I wake up every morning. My hair is growing back. All positive things. I've been given a gift - every day.

And most importantly - if you need some time to just feel down, then allow yourself to do so. You've been through a lot. A diagnosis you weren't expecting. Surgery. It's ok to be sad. You just have to remember that this is not forever. You will feel better!

Hugs to you!