The description of "actively pursuing" makes it sound kind of sketchy. I don't think I've ever "actively pursued" any of my friendships. They just sort of happen. I meet someone through a mutual friend or just by striking up a random conversation or by participating in a common event and the person either seem interesting or they don't.

There is effort and follow through but "actively pursuing" sounds like you are manipulating situations so that you can interact with the other person.

Well, honestly this conversation came about because of a situation I am currently in with a former co-worker. He is married, but every couple of weeks or so he would IM me while at work and we'd chat for a while. By the time I was about to leave, our "chats" could last up to two hours. When I left he asked for my phone number and since I've moved out here has called me three times. I haven't really thought anything of it because he does talk about his wife positively and seems to genuinely enjoy his life. However, I've had a couple friends tell me that I "crossed the line" by giving him my phone number and that I'm essentially engaging in an affair with him. I don't think I am, but I would be interested to see what you guys thought. Personally, if I met his wife tomorrow I would enjoy meeting her and have no sense of shame for the friendship I have with her husband. Thoughts?

Three calls in how long? You've been there a month or so, haven't you? For my money, that sounds like he enjoys chatting with you about a common interest, like I do with many of my male friends. Maybe he doesn't have a lot of friends where he is, or no-one who shares that particular interest. Assuming the conversation is general and doesn't veer over into the deeply personal and intimate, you've got nothing to worry about - it's a friendship, nothing more, and nothing to be ashamed of. I think the fact you'd have no qualms about meeting his wife is a pretty good sign that you know it's above board - if your friends hadn't overreacted, you'd likely never have questioned it, unless it started going somewhere it sounds like it hasn't. Contact may drop off now you're further away, as he finds someone else to chat to at work, or it may remain as it is, and you've (if you want to be friends with him) acquired a good friend.

Yes, I've been out here for about three weeks. Our common interest is opera. He's from an Italian-American family (very common in the Boston area), and grew up listening to opera with his grandfather, so he enjoys talking to someone in his age range who also loves opera. I'm sure you can imagine there aren't many people in their late 20's to early 30's who love opera all that much, so to find someone who actually sings it is, I'm sure, quite a treat

The description of "actively pursuing" makes it sound kind of sketchy. I don't think I've ever "actively pursued" any of my friendships. They just sort of happen. I meet someone through a mutual friend or just by striking up a random conversation or by participating in a common event and the person either seem interesting or they don't.

There is effort and follow through but "actively pursuing" sounds like you are manipulating situations so that you can interact with the other person.

Well, honestly this conversation came about because of a situation I am currently in with a former co-worker. He is married, but every couple of weeks or so he would IM me while at work and we'd chat for a while. By the time I was about to leave, our "chats" could last up to two hours. When I left he asked for my phone number and since I've moved out here has called me three times. I haven't really thought anything of it because he does talk about his wife positively and seems to genuinely enjoy his life. However, I've had a couple friends tell me that I "crossed the line" by giving him my phone number and that I'm essentially engaging in an affair with him. I don't think I am, but I would be interested to see what you guys thought. Personally, if I met his wife tomorrow I would enjoy meeting her and have no sense of shame for the friendship I have with her husband. Thoughts?

Three calls in how long? You've been there a month or so, haven't you? For my money, that sounds like he enjoys chatting with you about a common interest, like I do with many of my male friends. Maybe he doesn't have a lot of friends where he is, or no-one who shares that particular interest. Assuming the conversation is general and doesn't veer over into the deeply personal and intimate, you've got nothing to worry about - it's a friendship, nothing more, and nothing to be ashamed of. I think the fact you'd have no qualms about meeting his wife is a pretty good sign that you know it's above board - if your friends hadn't overreacted, you'd likely never have questioned it, unless it started going somewhere it sounds like it hasn't. Contact may drop off now you're further away, as he finds someone else to chat to at work, or it may remain as it is, and you've (if you want to be friends with him) acquired a good friend.

Yes, I've been out here for about three weeks. Our common interest is opera. He's from an Italian-American family (very common in the Boston area), and grew up listening to opera with his grandfather, so he enjoys talking to someone in his age range who also loves opera. I'm sure you can imagine there aren't many people in their late 20's to early 30's who love opera all that much, so to find someone who actually sings it is, I'm sure, quite a treat

Honestly I think your fine. YOur friend is overreacting. All you guys do is talk about a hobby of his ..It would be like talking football. Infact the fact that he has mentioned his wife and that they are happy was probably so you would know he wanted to just be friends.