OA - "Higher Power" question

April_220 · August 2013

I have a binge eating disorder and food addiction. I went to Overeaters Anonymous years ago, and I didn't like the group or the quasi-religious aspect, so I stopped going after 2 meetings. I am going to go again, partly because I don't think I gave it a fair shot last time, and I should have tried multiple groups instead of going to the same group twice.

My question is: How do you handle the "Higher Power" and "God" references/part of the program?

I am not religious. Intellectually, I understand that the Higher Power can be anything you want it to be, but I can't see how it really would really work in practical, real-life terms. I would be VERY interested in hearing from people -- particularly agnostics and atheists, but definitely others as well -- about how you reconciled these principles to help you with the program. If you don't mind sharing, I would appreciate examples as well. Thank you!

swissmardi · September 2013

Great topic! What I love about the program is that one can chose a HP of ones choice. Once a person has become comfortable with what they can call, for themselves alone, a Higher Power, the magic begins. I tend towards God, myself but there were years that I had to have a female image for a HP when it came to fighting for me. I used the Delacroix painting of the woman from the french revolution who is carrying the flag in battle , breast out. The image helped me.

I've listened as others described The Lover who takes care of their every need, The Cook who says "Honey, leave it all here, cry a bit, and go on. I'll take care of the rest." One person, who was an atheist who, after much deliberating, used the image of an ash tray as his HP. He put his garbage and ashes into it and knew that when he came back, it would be clean, waiting for more garbage and ash. ALL of these people struggled with the concept of HP and ALL were years into the program with abstinence and sobriety.
From these people I learned that it doesn't really matter WHAT one calls HP, what matters is that one has something, whether it be a religious image or not, which can come and take the crud away, wipe the slate clean, so to speak, so that they can go on. Something that one can trust to take over the control...

I wish you a wonderful journey finding your HP image that helps you. It's a beautiful process.

Terri_Wickwire · September 2013

Great question! I agree with swissmardi, WHAT my HP is has become less important to me that the fact that IT IS. I first was in OA from 1990-1996. After a very long 16 year hiatus (and more than a few pounds and much insanity gained) I am now back in full force and experiencing deep gratitude for having listened to the tug that said "go back".

When I first went into OA, I didn't have a Higher Power ... that to me was Charleton Heston, sitting on a cloud with a long flowing beard throwing thunderbolts and "you suck" at me. I didn't have a religious upbringing, but would go to Catholic church with my girlfriends and their families. Plus, I grew up with the Hollywood Rage was Bible movies. Loved them, learned a lot, but also was most certainly slanted at the patriarch genre of God. I very involved in OA my first round -- lots of service at high levels with a little Step work (not much to be honest) -- but OA needed service, and I was more than happy to stand on the podium of Look At Me -- I'm Awesome! OA needed service, I needed to feel good, and I presented myself VERY well. Higher Power eluded me until one day I got bonked over the head: GOD is DOG spelled backwards! I was hooked!! Me and God been hanging out ever since.

I no longer have the bearded old white guy as my HP. Today, I am blessed with everything being my God -- literally. From the flowers blooming on the bushes, to the clouds moving overhead, to the snuggles from one of my little dogs, to words that come from the mouths of those that are in my circle. If the words come from someone outside my circle of trust (thanks Meet the Parents), then there MAY be a lesson in the words -- even if that lesson is in letting go of someone else's perception of me. My Higher Power is unlimited, extremely loving, and is always dependable. It is I that moves away from God and forgets to surrender and ask for help. My Higher Power is more delicious than any "bad" food I could ever hurt my body with.

Keep coming back, April_220. The miracles just keep rollin' in

:flowerforyou:

blaiseastra · September 2013

I gave OA 4 tries before it really took, and the spiritual aspect was part of what kept me out. Even now it's not something I'm completely comfortable with, but I've learned to relax and accept it as part of the program. If you work with a sponsor who works out of the Big Book, you'll have a chance to read the chapter called To The Agnostic, that deals with some of your questions. More generally, it might help to find a sponsor who has been on a similar journey as you, because she can then share how she dealt with that question.

I finally gave OA a real chance just over a year ago, and recently I was talking to my mom (an atheist who has been sober in AA for 20+ years) and said, "So how do you feel about god now, Mom? Do you believe in him/her/it?" She thought for a minute and said, "I don't know. Not really. I call it 'the mystery.' But I do believe that *I* am not god, either." And that's what's worked for her sobriety--to accept that, whether there is a god in control of everything or not, SHE isn't in control of everything, either.

You'll also here some people say they use the group as their higher power. That was hard for me to understand at first, but once I started working the steps it made more sense, and it's sort of where I'm at now with respect to my higher power. I'm starting to see him/her/it as something bigger than the group, but initially that was about all I could do. You change as you work the steps and you become more open to ideas that you were not open to right away.

Also, just realize this: the steps are in that order for a reason. The first step is simply admitting you're powerless over food. You don't have to believe in god until step 2, and the work you do in step one and with a sponsor is part of what can prepare you to take step 2. Don't look too far into the future, just concentrate on where you're at right now. Find a sponsor to work with, and give it a real try. It CAN work, if you let it.

PattiUnleashed · September 2013

There is a really great recording special session on A Vision For you, from this guy that was just like you at first. I think it may help. I'll try to find the link later tonight and post it here, so you can listen to it.

Patti

shezzzzz · September 2013

I struggled with this one as well. I am Agnostic leaning towards Athiest.

After talking with by bf who went through AA and has been sober for almost 20 years, and is an Athiest, I figured out what the HP is to me.

It is anything you can depend on and draw strength from.

Whether it is an religious entity, a piece of art, a door knob, or the memory of someone good in your life, it is what ever will work for you.

I've even heard of people referring to a loving and patient version of themselves, perhaps a version of themselves they are striving to become, and using that as their higher power.

I never found a meeting that I felt "fit" me, but I have used what I learned there to help in my journey.

Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Steo 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

For me, these steps were more a way to put down the burden of carrying a food addiction and all that entails and focus on healing what caused the addiction.

I hope you find your way.

PattiUnleashed · September 2013

Okay, try listening to this:

http://www.avision4you.info/home-page/special-recordings/special-editions-2013/

It's A Vision For You, the recording from July 28, 2013, A Journey Through the Steps by Don C.

I think it may help. Plus this is a terrific recording.

HTH,
Patti

suz155 · September 2013

Hi, I understand. I also saw God as a guy with flowing hair and robes,,,,didn't relate. I was very reluctant to go anywhere near a 12 step meeting. But, I did try it, "visiting", with a friend. I "visited" frequently. It wasn't until I heard in a meeting, from an old-timer that happened to be an atheist, that I got it. She said, " To me G-o-d stands for Good Orderly Direction". I finally was able to relate. Until that point, I thought I had everything so much under control. I didn't, my life had become completely unmanageable. I had no order, no direction. I thought I could control everything and everybody around me. In reality, I was sick all the time and doing everything unhealthy and driving people around me away. Most days, (progress not perfection) I'm not like that anymore. I'm still not religious, but, I do call myself spiritual. When I pulled up the definition of spiritual on Wikipedia, it has a bunch of info, but, what jumped out at it me was "In modern times spirituality has come to mean the internal experience of the individual. It still denotes a process of transformation, but in a context separate from organized religious institutions" So, for me, the 12 steps is a spiritual ladder and I keep climbing it. Some days, I might go down a few steps, but, then I go back up. I do know, it has helped, this crazy person, live a much more calm and loving life. Hang in there.

sheltony · September 2013

We don't control the processes of the universe we live in. /Something outside ourselves exists, a power greater than our egos and brains. It helps me to think about the "something" I'm not in control of. When I accept not being in control, I can know myself much better. I can start to see how I (you, pretty much everyone) try to make things happen, control outcomes, or otherwise tinker with the story being written in time. Why does it help to know there's something greater than me? It puts me squarely into the circle of life, instead of trying to stand outside of it and pretend to be the only one who's not going to have xxx happen to them or who deserves to have yyy happen. We are all part of this life together and when we see ourselves as separate or better than anyone else, we lose perspective (and reality). My compulsions come from the mistaken idea that I don't want what is and I need something to pacify me. I don't. It's an illusion, one where I tell a story about only me and forget everyone else is here with me. AND that none of us is in control or secure. AND that it's okay. It's life, where we don't decide to take only part. We accept the bitter and the sweet, cherishing the entire experience.