Hi Mary.
I am glad you are getting your eye doctor to check your eyes while you are on the Tamoxifen. It did permanent damage to my eyes. I now have cataracts and I had angle closure glaucoma caused by the cataracts that were likely caused by the Tamoxifen and I was about 2 weeks away from going blind. I had to have laser surgery to stop me from going blind. ( I am not the usual case so don't worry too much about it ) but make sure that the person who checks your eyes has the right equipment as my optometrist first missed it. Only my ophthalmologist found it. Thank god!
You mentioned that you feel grumpy and exhausted. Those can be symptoms from the Tamoxifen. Personally I think Tamoxifen is like the old birth control pill. In the 1970's the Doctors prescribed a huge dosage. I personally believe that the dose of Tamoxifen is too strong. They give the same dosage for a 300 lb. woman as they give to a small person. My oncologist asked the pharmacist to give me two smaller dose pills a day, so I took one in the evening and one in the morning and it helps stop the "crankys". It's easier to take and doesn't give you the big cranky pill once a day. I looked up some Italian studies that say a lower dose works so I wish they would do studies on lower dosages. I am going to talk to my oncologist about that soon.
I then took Letrozole which may have caused me to have a stroke. I am not lucky with drugs. I had trouble with balance and speech . It has taken me months of working out at the gym to get back to normal and I used hand drumming to get my cognitive skills back. It's been a nightmare for me.
You mentioned being scared all the time and feeling like your time is short. We are living on borrowed time - luckily we were able to catch our cancers in time so I am very thankful to have additional time in my life. If you look at the old graveyards from the 1800's, most people didn't live past 30. It's only in today's time that we have expectations of living to 72. I try to turn it around and rejoice that I have today to be in the world and enjoy my kid. It's an extra day that I wouldn't have had if I was born 50 years earlier and had the same problem, with less treatments available.
The trick is this: Ask yourself this: "What would I do if I didn't have this cancer." And then do it! Make a bucket list of all the things you would regret if you were lying in palliative care and start working on them. It will keep you so busy you won't be able to have time to worry. I have parties, travel. Every time I have another scare I am reminded of what is important to me- and then I do it.
We are all going to die regardless of cancer. People just have their heads in the sand about it. The only difference is that we have the insight and experience to know differently. Now, with that knowledge, what are you going to do about it?

When offered a drug or a treatment, I always ask what my statistical increase in life expectancy is. Each person is different and they can calculate the benefit the drug will have. They won't always tell you unless you ask. I ask because I want to know- before I take a drug or treatment- so I can weigh out the risks verses the benefits. The half pill in the morning and the half pill at night is WAY better.
Another way to fight an estrogen receptive cancer is to lose weight.

Thank you for keeping in touch. It sounds as though you may want to consider getting checked for the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene if you are worried about your daughter and you have breast cancer in your family. I had genetic testing and apparently don't have the genes.
Stats show that Mammograms do miss a certain large percentage of cancers. Isn't it approximately 17 to 23% that don't show up?
Mine didn't show up either time. Apparently if you have dense breasts, it doesn't always appear on the xray.
It might be beneficial if you tell your daughter to check herself manually. So many people rely only on the Mammogram and they don't check themselves by hand. When my lump didn't show up on the Mammogram my doctor said I had nothing to worry about and when I insisted on a biopsy and he was wrong, it was a big surprise for him.
I find a good alternate way of manually checking is to do that Yoga position called "down dog" and let everything hang downwards - then you can feel for lumps better than if you are always lying flat on your back. It's not an easy manoeuvre but you will figure it out when you try. It is amazing, you can feel every little thing that way.

Wow!