dates
farmers_daughter
Posts: 1,632 Member
So... why is it that guys prefer to hang out at ur house so early in the dating game? This new guy...i met him online. we went to dinner...then was supposed to go to a rodeo but he got hung up with work. so now he feels its ok to come over to my house...normally id prolly say ok...but i dont like to trust my gut and some people have said that its too early for him to do that. In a way I kinda agree but im also not overly picky.
soooo. how soon is too soon to casually hang? When do guys say enuf "dates"? I know its up to each person everybodys different hut I wanna gather thoughts.
soooo. how soon is too soon to casually hang? When do guys say enuf "dates"? I know its up to each person everybodys different hut I wanna gather thoughts.
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Replies
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Personally, I am not into the whole hang out thing.
In the beginning stages of dating, you are trying to get to know each other and impress one another. If a guy is that lazy that he is not willing to impress you and put extra effort in that early on to really make a positive impression on you, imagine how he will be after six months of dating, a year of dating, two years of dating, five years of marriage and so forth.
When you're dating for a while and get comfortable with each other there is nothing wrong with "hanging out." You're not working so hard to impress each other and make a good impression. But in the beginning? Just lazy to me.0 -
I read into the effort he's putting in. He can impress me and all but I don't want him to just impress me in the beginning then stop. So I rather pay attention to his effort in seeing me, doing things I'd enjoy, how often he calls etc. Of course, all along showing interest back.
I start hanging out with someone after a couple of weeks probably. As long as its still a date type of thing like dinner, movie, etc. My bf and got our routine about couple weeks in. We hang out during week, and go out at least once on weekend. Hanging out was how we connected. Had he not called as much, still took me out after hanging out, etc... I probably would have thought he wasn't that into me. But it was all well balanced!! Different types of efforts.0 -
I like dates that revolve around a particular purpose, and generally I find it rather boring to just "hang out" at home.0
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soooo. how soon is too soon to casually hang? When do guys say enuf "dates"? I know its up to each person everybodys different hut I wanna gather thoughts.
Date 2 is too soon!
I dunno, I'm thinking I'd probably make dinner for us by date 4 if all is well and we wanted some privacy?
But I dont think dating should ever 'stop'!! I think, like Diane, that school nights are probably easier to hang, while weekends are more for being out and about.
Not that there are any rules about this. It's just I would be bored stuck in doors watching tv when I just met the guy as I'm just not the sit indoors type. If a guy kept suggesting we do that, I'd say we were incompatible. But everyone is different, some people are more homely than I am.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I like dates that revolve around a particular purpose, and generally I find it rather boring to just "hang out" at home.
Wait, I thought "hanging out" was a euphemism for sex? You're bored with sex?
I would agree that date #2 is too soon to hang out at your place (nudge, nudge, wink, wink), but it seems that's the way people "date" now in the US. So who am I to judge?
How I envision dating in America:
Boy: Hey, aren't you in my chemistry class?
Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Boy: Wanna hang out?
Girl: OK.
--P
Edit: And btw, did I understand correctly that he invited himself to your house? That's pretty lame, right there. "I'll just come over to your house and you can make me dinner." Sounds like a winner.0 -
I like dates that revolve around a particular purpose, and generally I find it rather boring to just "hang out" at home.
Wait, I thought "hanging out" was a euphemism for sex? You're bored with sex?
I would agree that date #2 is too soon to hang out at your place (nudge, nudge, wink, wink), but it seems that's the way people "date" now in the US. So who am I to judge?
How I envision dating in America:
Boy: Hey, aren't you in my chemistry class?
Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Boy: Wanna hang out?
Girl: OK.
--P
Edit: And btw, did I understand correctly that he invited himself to your house? That's pretty lame, right there. "I'll just come over to your house and you can make me dinner." Sounds like a winner.
That is more like dating in highschool maybe college not as an adult. That is why there is so much confusion about the friendzone and guys being placed in it. If someone doesn't ask someone on a date but asks to hang out most girls will just think they want to be friends.0 -
Being that you barely know this guy from Adam I would certianly not being hanging with him at my house. That being said I have "hung out" alot with guys Im dating or otherwise playing with. It 75% of the time means that sex is on the table.0
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Yeah if he's already trying to get into your house I'm guessing trying to get into your pants is just around the corner.
My opinion is to not try to follows rules that somebody else made up. If you don't feel comfortable having someone you barely know over at your house then just say that. If you like him and are open to the possibility that he might make a move then have him over. But there really isn't any rule of how many "dates" you need to go on before you can stay in.
Personally, I'm just not a fan of people that invite themselves over.0 -
My last boyfriend took me out on a couple dates, then it seemed like every time we got together we were at his house. I started getting sick of it and told him that I wanted to go on real dates and that I was too social to just hang out in his living room all the time. I also gave him ideas of what I would like to do on a date, and it actually worked. Maybe think of something like that? Bring up the fact that you want to go out and then give him some fun ideas.0
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So... why is it that guys prefer to hang out at ur house so early in the dating game? This new guy...i met him online. we went to dinner...then was supposed to go to a rodeo but he got hung up with work. so now he feels its ok to come over to my house...normally id prolly say ok...but i dont like to trust my gut and some people have said that its too early for him to do that. In a way I kinda agree but im also not overly picky.
soooo. how soon is too soon to casually hang? When do guys say enuf "dates"? I know its up to each person everybodys different hut I wanna gather thoughts.
It's possible he just finds it easier to come over and hang out, or he wants to get in your pants.
if you aren't comfortable with him coming over for your 2nd date then say so - if he is a classy guy and he is interested in YOU, he will have no issues respecting your boundaries. If he doesn't, you weeded him out quickly!
I wouldn't have a guy over on date 2, no way... maybe date 4-5 if I am comfortable but I agree with the other people about him showing an effort to want to get to know you, take you out, and impress you, etc. Hanging out can be boring and mundain (sp?) if those early stages. Even at 5 months in to my relationship we still have date nights or it would get pretty boring!!!0 -
Thank you all for your input, this is good to hear a different spin on things.
I tend to be a homebody. I have to say I've been so used to having to hang out at home, because with the last guy were weren't allowed to "just go" anywhere we wanted, like a night of bowling, or go play golf, or go to certain places (I know this is a new guy, I can't judge based on the past, I'm just saying this is new.... I'm not used to being able to just go)
So you'd think I'd demand to go places!
Oy....
I've already made it clear there's no pants to get into right now, and if he pushes the subject he's out the door and can go do the "duty" alone. I've said that multiple times, so I don't think (Yes I've been naieve many times) he's pushing for that....
It's just that whole am i doing it right? One day I want to see him and so all the "rules" aka boundaries go out the door, and the next I'm thinking nope you're pushing too much or asking for too much, back off. I wonder how far off the beating path I am from everyoen else.
Edit: Oh and we are struggling with the fact that he's a night owl and I am NOT. My schedule is very structured and pretty much the same every day.... I don't veer too far from my regular...
Seriously, It's just change, I'm struggling with change, and I always will.... this makes me sad. Makes me feel like I'm bipolar or crazy!!0 -
Edit: Oh and we are struggling with the fact that he's a night owl and I am NOT. My schedule is very structured and pretty much the same every day.... I don't veer too far from my regular...
Seriously, It's just change, I'm struggling with change, and I always will.... this makes me sad. Makes me feel like I'm bipolar or crazy!!
You are not bipolar or crazy!!! But as a fellow single mom, I can totally relate. For the sake of the kids, we have a routine that works for us and so it makes it tough to veer off the path. :flowerforyou: But it can be done if you choose to do it...I'd just take it slow and enjoy the time that you do have with him and just be in the moment. See where it takes you!!0 -
I think more and more guys seem to suggest a 'hang out' early on. I think with the right guy, it will feel fairly normal though and won't matter what number date you are on. If it feels even a little awkward or rushed, it probably isn't something you should say yes to.0
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Edit: Oh and we are struggling with the fact that he's a night owl and I am NOT. My schedule is very structured and pretty much the same every day.... I don't veer too far from my regular...
Seriously, It's just change, I'm struggling with change, and I always will.... this makes me sad. Makes me feel like I'm bipolar or crazy!!
You are not bipolar or crazy!!! But as a fellow single mom, I can totally relate. For the sake of the kids, we have a routine that works for us and so it makes it tough to veer off the path. :flowerforyou: But it can be done if you choose to do it...I'd just take it slow and enjoy the time that you do have with him and just be in the moment. See where it takes you!!
As a single mom with a set, structured schedule I totally get.
I agree change can be made when we are on board with it, that being said -- change should only take place when you are comfortable with it... you change for YOU not for someone else.
Like pa_jorg said, when the guy is right/time is right it will feel normal, not awkward or rushed.
Gotta decide what is comfortable for you, and stick to it, trust in yourself.
Trust your gut
Keep us posted!! 0 -
I don't do hang out dates at all early on. That doesn't necessarily mean I wouldn't invite a guy over for a glass of wine before we went out for the evening, but I do not agree to plans that involve staying in and cooking dinner or watching movies for the evening until at least the sixth date. That's usually about 3-4 weeks in, and by that point if I'm feeling the guy I usually am ready for something that feels more "coupley" and intimate.0
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I kept a calendar of my first month dating my now bf and I looked back to see. I was a skank *kitten*! Lol (j/k) I hung out at his place on 3rd date to watch a movie (that's all we did!) It was a week after starting to date.
And after that 3rd date, he took me out 2-3 days later on a "date date". And he called/ texted everyday as well so I felt he was into me for real, not for fake.0
