I did it! Told my friend I had feelings for him.
veggiehottie
Posts: 590 Member
I know a few of you are familiar with my situation. Crush turned friend turned unrequited love turned almost FWB.
He was SO confusing for me because we did things I only reserve for boyfriends. We spent all of our time together. He did things for me, and cared for me. Emails and texts every day. The last 2 months we have been cuddling/spooning at night, held hands a lot, and then we almost slept together last weekend.
I am 150% in love with him. We are perfect together.
He is the only guy that I have ever known that I can spend 72+ hours with still be happy at the end of it. Time flies when I am with him. We had the same interests, same sense of humor, and I know he cared for me by his actions.
Problem is, we were just "friends". Even though he sometimes treated me like a girlfriend. He still talked about other girls. Pointed out cute ones. Pointed out cute men for me.
By the end of it, I was SO very confused by the mixed signals. Did he want more? What were we, after all? So, I did it!!! I went out of my comfort zone and finally asked him what we were. His response... "Just friends. So sorry if I caused you any confusion or hurt. But I admire you as a person and friend and am so happy to know you. I want to keep you in my life."
Ugh!!! Why do guys do this? Admittedly we were both to blame for the boundary crossing. But he had to have known I wanted more. Right? I told him I only did those things with people I had feelings for.
So anyways. I told him I had to take a break from our friendship. Just temporarily until I am ready to be platonic friends only.
Now. I really really REALLY miss him. And it has only been 2 days. LOL.
Have any of you been in this situation? Some words of wisdom/strength/etc. would be much appreciated.
He was SO confusing for me because we did things I only reserve for boyfriends. We spent all of our time together. He did things for me, and cared for me. Emails and texts every day. The last 2 months we have been cuddling/spooning at night, held hands a lot, and then we almost slept together last weekend.
I am 150% in love with him. We are perfect together.
He is the only guy that I have ever known that I can spend 72+ hours with still be happy at the end of it. Time flies when I am with him. We had the same interests, same sense of humor, and I know he cared for me by his actions.Problem is, we were just "friends". Even though he sometimes treated me like a girlfriend. He still talked about other girls. Pointed out cute ones. Pointed out cute men for me.
By the end of it, I was SO very confused by the mixed signals. Did he want more? What were we, after all? So, I did it!!! I went out of my comfort zone and finally asked him what we were. His response... "Just friends. So sorry if I caused you any confusion or hurt. But I admire you as a person and friend and am so happy to know you. I want to keep you in my life."
Ugh!!! Why do guys do this? Admittedly we were both to blame for the boundary crossing. But he had to have known I wanted more. Right? I told him I only did those things with people I had feelings for.
So anyways. I told him I had to take a break from our friendship. Just temporarily until I am ready to be platonic friends only.
Now. I really really REALLY miss him. And it has only been 2 days. LOL.
Have any of you been in this situation? Some words of wisdom/strength/etc. would be much appreciated.
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Replies
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Back in June yes with a really good friend of mine, only we had a "one drunken night". Told him how I felt and got the "I don't want to ruin our friendship, I love our friendship" back from him. We pretty much stopped talking for about a month or so ... a casual "hey" here and there ... it was really hard but I'm glad we had the distance because we're back to talking all the time and being "just friends".0
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Yep.
Her and I have been best friends for YEARS
I told her how I felt
We didn't talk for almost a year.
We are just now finally starting to become friends, it will probably never be as good as it was.
I don't regret any of it though...0 -
Well, at least now you know.0
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Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends." *kitten* that. I don't cuddle and almost have sex with my friends. Ever. No. In fact, I think some of my girlfriends might punch me in the baby maker if I tried. THAT'S NOT JUST FRIENDS.
3. If he doesn't think he was leading you to think there was a chance for more, he's lying. Or freaking stupid.
4. I'm basing all of these opinions off of one post and having only one side of the story. Yup. Sure am.
You need to walk away. If not permanently, at least for a year or until you feel this way for someone else that reciprocates the feelings for you. Otherwise, you're putting yourself in the driver's seat of disappointment and hurt.0 -
I know a few of you are familiar with my situation. Crush turned friend turned unrequited love turned almost FWB.
He was SO confusing for me because we did things I only reserve for boyfriends. We spent all of our time together. He did things for me, and cared for me. Emails and texts every day. The last 2 months we have been cuddling/spooning at night, held hands a lot, and then we almost slept together last weekend.
I am 150% in love with him. We are perfect together. He is the only guy that I have ever known that I can spend 72+ hours with still be happy at the end of it. Time flies when I am with him. We had the same interests, same sense of humor, and I know he cared for me by his actions.
Problem is, we were just "friends". Even though he sometimes treated me like a girlfriend. He still talked about other girls. Pointed out cute ones. Pointed out cute men for me.
By the end of it, I was SO very confused by the mixed signals. Did he want more? What were we, after all? So, I did it!!! I went out of my comfort zone and finally asked him what we were. His response... "Just friends. So sorry if I caused you any confusion or hurt. But I admire you as a person and friend and am so happy to know you. I want to keep you in my life."
Ugh!!! Why do guys do this? Admittedly we were both to blame for the boundary crossing. But he had to have known I wanted more. Right? I told him I only did those things with people I had feelings for.
So anyways. I told him I had to take a break from our friendship. Just temporarily until I am ready to be platonic friends only.
Now. I really really REALLY miss him. And it has only been 2 days. LOL.
Have any of you been in this situation? Some words of wisdom/strength/etc. would be much appreciated.
That's his bad. He was enjoying the attention/horny and took advantage of it. He knew you wanted more and he was trying to get more. Take a step back and stay away from him...He absolutely knows he was leading you on......but likely really didn't mean to hurt you.....trust me....I've been on the other side of this multiple times.....not that I'm proud of it.0 -
I know a few of you are familiar with my situation. Crush turned friend turned unrequited love turned almost FWB.
He was SO confusing for me because we did things I only reserve for boyfriends. We spent all of our time together. He did things for me, and cared for me. Emails and texts every day. The last 2 months we have been cuddling/spooning at night, held hands a lot, and then we almost slept together last weekend.
I am 150% in love with him. We are perfect together. He is the only guy that I have ever known that I can spend 72+ hours with still be happy at the end of it. Time flies when I am with him. We had the same interests, same sense of humor, and I know he cared for me by his actions.
Problem is, we were just "friends". Even though he sometimes treated me like a girlfriend. He still talked about other girls. Pointed out cute ones. Pointed out cute men for me.
By the end of it, I was SO very confused by the mixed signals. Did he want more? What were we, after all? So, I did it!!! I went out of my comfort zone and finally asked him what we were. His response... "Just friends. So sorry if I caused you any confusion or hurt. But I admire you as a person and friend and am so happy to know you. I want to keep you in my life."
Ugh!!! Why do guys do this? Admittedly we were both to blame for the boundary crossing. But he had to have known I wanted more. Right? I told him I only did those things with people I had feelings for.
So anyways. I told him I had to take a break from our friendship. Just temporarily until I am ready to be platonic friends only.
Now. I really really REALLY miss him. And it has only been 2 days. LOL.
Have any of you been in this situation? Some words of wisdom/strength/etc. would be much appreciated.
That's his bad. He was enjoying the attention/horny and took advantage of it. He knew you wanted more and he was trying to get more. Take a step back and stay away from him...He absolutely knows he was leading you on......but likely really didn't mean to hurt you.....trust me....I've been on the other side of this multiple times.....not that I'm proud of it.
And i will never forgive you, Jac.0 -
I know a few of you are familiar with my situation. Crush turned friend turned unrequited love turned almost FWB.
He was SO confusing for me because we did things I only reserve for boyfriends. We spent all of our time together. He did things for me, and cared for me. Emails and texts every day. The last 2 months we have been cuddling/spooning at night, held hands a lot, and then we almost slept together last weekend.
I am 150% in love with him. We are perfect together. He is the only guy that I have ever known that I can spend 72+ hours with still be happy at the end of it. Time flies when I am with him. We had the same interests, same sense of humor, and I know he cared for me by his actions.
Problem is, we were just "friends". Even though he sometimes treated me like a girlfriend. He still talked about other girls. Pointed out cute ones. Pointed out cute men for me.
By the end of it, I was SO very confused by the mixed signals. Did he want more? What were we, after all? So, I did it!!! I went out of my comfort zone and finally asked him what we were. His response... "Just friends. So sorry if I caused you any confusion or hurt. But I admire you as a person and friend and am so happy to know you. I want to keep you in my life."
Ugh!!! Why do guys do this? Admittedly we were both to blame for the boundary crossing. But he had to have known I wanted more. Right? I told him I only did those things with people I had feelings for.
So anyways. I told him I had to take a break from our friendship. Just temporarily until I am ready to be platonic friends only.
Now. I really really REALLY miss him. And it has only been 2 days. LOL.
Have any of you been in this situation? Some words of wisdom/strength/etc. would be much appreciated.
That's his bad. He was enjoying the attention/horny and took advantage of it. He knew you wanted more and he was trying to get more. Take a step back and stay away from him...He absolutely knows he was leading you on......but likely really didn't mean to hurt you.....trust me....I've been on the other side of this multiple times.....not that I'm proud of it.
And i will never forgive you, Jac.
Neither will I. :grumble:0 -
Oh dear. I can so relate. Separation is for the best. Look around for someone else. Don't let him get that close to you again. Not without a commitment.
I know its hard to be rejected that way. I know it hurts bad. I know its really hard to stop thinking about him... believe me I know. Just take your step back. Take as long as you need. Longer...
Maybe he will come to you. But don't wait for him to come to you. You deserve better than what he was offering you, and unless he wants to get on the same page with you about this relationship, then don't bother with him. I mean, sure he is an awesome friend, but there is a fine line between caring and loving, and if he can't make that distinction, and act accordingly then he really isn't doing either when it comes to you.
(I know I need to take my own advice. Love you all!)0 -
I don't really get the "let him come for you" mentality.
B*tch, you had your chance, you blew it. If you want to come back, guess what! I am no longer interested.0 -
I don't really get the "let him come for you" mentality.
B*tch, you had your chance, you blew it. If you want to come back, guess what! I am no longer interested.
I agree.
I had this recently with an ex from last year (dated 9 months, found out he had a gambling addiction hence why he never had time for me) He came back crying for another chance and felt FANTASTIC to say 'take a hike' Man I felt so in control!!!!0 -
I don't really get the "let him come for you" mentality.
B*tch, you had your chance, you blew it. If you want to come back, guess what! I am no longer interested.
She still has feelings for him. It's up to her, really. There have been men in my life that have friend-zoned me and then tried to come around and I was like "whatever". But I didn't really care that much for them.
But people can change, and people make mistakes. Whether or not she wants to forgive him for being an ignorant asshat is up to her.0 -
First I am proud of you for doing it, and for sticking to your 'break'. It would be hard I am sure.
I have never been in your situation ... that I recall ... but I have to believe he knew exactly what he was doing -- those aren't things 'just friends' do and that would upset me.
All I can say is that if you decide to be 'just friends' after some time apart DO NOT cross those boundaries again, you are just showing him you don't care about yourself and give him what he wants.
keep your chin up.0 -
First I am proud of you for doing it, and for sticking to your 'break'. It would be hard I am sure.
I have never been in your situation ... that I recall ... but I have to believe he knew exactly what he was doing -- those aren't things 'just friends' do and that would upset me.
All I can say is that if you decide to be 'just friends' after some time apart DO NOT cross those boundaries again, you are just showing him you don't care about yourself and give him what he wants.
keep your chin up.
Kim said it perfectly.0 -
I don't really get the "let him come for you" mentality.
B*tch, you had your chance, you blew it. If you want to come back, guess what! I am no longer interested.
I've always realized that once I really got over my infatuation, I was able to look back logically and realize... They really weren't all that special. I'm not sure what I saw in him. He's not worth crying over, and I'm shocked I did.
It's as though I was blind to reality. One guy was extremely arrogant, and I just didn't SEE it until after. One, a complete commitment phobe with screwed up politics I wouldn't combat for fear he wouldn't like me. You get the point.
But there was always one running theme... amazing sex.
Damn, it was good sex.
But other than that, I'm truly glad I didn't work out with any of the guys I've dated in the past.0 -
I don't really get the "let him come for you" mentality.
B*tch, you had your chance, you blew it. If you want to come back, guess what! I am no longer interested.
I've always realized that once I really got over my infatuation, I was able to look back logically and realize... They really weren't all that special. I'm not sure what I saw in him. He's not worth crying over, and I'm shocked I did.
It's as though I was blind to reality. One guy was extremely arrogant, and I just didn't SEE it until after. One, a complete commitment phobe with screwed up politics I wouldn't combat for fear he wouldn't like me. You get the point.
But there was always one running theme... amazing sex.
Damn, it was good sex.
But other than that, I'm truly glad I didn't work out with any of the guys I've dated in the past.
The crazy *kitten* are always great in bed.0 -
I don't really get the "let him come for you" mentality.
B*tch, you had your chance, you blew it. If you want to come back, guess what! I am no longer interested.
I've always realized that once I really got over my infatuation, I was able to look back logically and realize... They really weren't all that special. I'm not sure what I saw in him. He's not worth crying over, and I'm shocked I did.
It's as though I was blind to reality. One guy was extremely arrogant, and I just didn't SEE it until after. One, a complete commitment phobe with screwed up politics I wouldn't combat for fear he wouldn't like me. You get the point.
But there was always one running theme... amazing sex.
Damn, it was good sex.
But other than that, I'm truly glad I didn't work out with any of the guys I've dated in the past.
The crazy *kitten* are always great in bed.
Maybe cause they get a lot of practice from us crazy girls who don't move on quick enough hehe JK! we aren't crazy here on SP!0 -
Yup! I had a friend lover whom I did weird confusing things with too. I'd post about him here a lot a while back. Anyway, he didn't feel the same yet would confuse me. I moved on when I met someone. That relationship didn't work out but it helped me get over him permanently. I've never looked back.
My friend just came to visit a couple of moths ago. I felt nothing besides love for a friend. So crazy because I used to feel so in love with him!
I say, move on. I honestly think my friend liked having me there as there was nobody else. I know he loves me (as friends) and I filled a space as he was alone. Now he lives in Minnesota and I live in Houston too.0 -
i always love these I made it obvious how I felt, he should have known posts. I can just imagine him posting how he had this awkward conversation with a female friend who told him she had feelings for him. It was awkward because he made it obvious from the get go that he only wanted to be friends. Hell, one time he even resisted having sex with her. He would normally have sex with an attractive and willing female. It should have been incredibly obvious that he respected her enough to not take advantage of the situation.
Oh never mind, it's obviously his fault because he so clearly knows what actions she reserves for friends versus what actions are reserved for those few for whom she has "special" feelings.0 -
I'm truly sorry that he doesn't feel the same. It's going to be hard to accept and move on, but you must do this asap! Dont' waste any more time and emotion on this guy. He's emotionally retarded!! Seriously, what guy (person) wouldn't pick up on all the signs between you?
Anyway, at least you know :flowerforyou:0 -
Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends."
Ummm..... most guys I work with...?
I'm surprised that anyone in today's day and age would not understand that a guy would do all that and not be into her. And sometimes women too, but mostly guys IME
A better question might be, "why do we DO this stuff with guys without requiring a relationship and then be upset later when they say we're just friends??"
OP I'm sorry for your hurt, but at least you know and can move on.0 -
Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends."
Ummm..... most guys I work with...?
You spoon and almost have sex with most of the guys with whom you work? I take back what I said about American work places being much too Puritan. It seems a lot has changed over the last 20 years.
--P0 -
Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends."
Ummm..... most guys I work with...?
I'm surprised that anyone in today's day and age would not understand that a guy would do all that and not be into her. And sometimes women too, but mostly guys IME
A better question might be, "why do we DO this stuff with guys without requiring a relationship and then be upset later when they say we're just friends??"
OP I'm sorry for your hurt, but at least you know and can move on.
Agree.
You gotta be strong and save that emotional connection for an actual relationship even if it isn't a big deal to you. There is no way I would cuddle and be emotionally affectionate with anyone not my boyfriend. Even if the guy says does all the right things, if he's not saying the right things it is a big sign.0 -
Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends."
Ummm..... most guys I work with...?
I'm surprised that anyone in today's day and age would not understand that a guy would do all that and not be into her. And sometimes women too, but mostly guys IME
A better question might be, "why do we DO this stuff with guys without requiring a relationship and then be upset later when they say we're just friends??"
OP I'm sorry for your hurt, but at least you know and can move on.
Agree.
You gotta be strong and save that emotional connection for an actual relationship even if it isn't a big deal to you. There is no way I would cuddle and be emotionally affectionate with anyone not my boyfriend. Even if the guy says does all the right things, if he's not saying the right things it is a big sign.
Yes, I definitely agree that I made some wrong choices when it came to him. I don't blame him in this at all - we were both equal contributors.
I think because I knew him for sooooo long (+4 years), and he has done so many nice & caring things for me, and I know he respects me as a friend, that it was "different" somehow. Definitely a learning experience for me on where to set boundaries when it comes to "friends".
Hey, the fact that I even asked the guy is a huge move on my part! I should have done it a long time ago.
Like I said, all about learning. I am older but still relatively new to the dating/relationship world.
Still totally miss him. But my friends have been keeping me busy.
Thanks to everyone for the advice and opinions!0 -
I don't have a lot to say here but wanted to congratulate you on having that conversation. That must have taken a lot of courage.0
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Thanks for this post, I was about to say that half the women on this topic have already entered "bullcrap-support mode" where they support another woman unconditionally by losing all objectivity and lying to themselves about the situation, but you saved me the trouble. Actually, I'm glad to see that OP accepts that she's also been a contributor to the situation - acknowledging this means she can change to be stronger.I'm surprised that anyone in today's day and age would not understand that a guy would do all that and not be into her. And sometimes women too, but mostly guys IME
A better question might be, "why do we DO this stuff with guys without requiring a relationship and then be upset later when they say we're just friends??"
To the other women, just try to look at things objectively without all the bitterness.0 -
I don't have a lot to say here but wanted to congratulate you on having that conversation. That must have taken a lot of courage.
Seconded. You are a braver woman than I, and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you would have liked.0 -
I don't have a lot to say here but wanted to congratulate you on having that conversation. That must have taken a lot of courage.
Seconded. You are a braver woman than I, and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you would have liked.
^^^ This. I applaud you on stepping out of your comfort zone and asking the tough question. Even though it didn't turn out as you had hoped, now you know where he stands and can learn from this. :flowerforyou: Good luck and stay strong!!0 -
Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends." *kitten* that. I don't cuddle and almost have sex with my friends. Ever. No. In fact, I think some of my girlfriends might punch me in the baby maker if I tried. THAT'S NOT JUST FRIENDS.
3. If he doesn't think he was leading you to think there was a chance for more, he's lying. Or freaking stupid.
4. I'm basing all of these opinions off of one post and having only one side of the story. Yup. Sure am.
You need to walk away. If not permanently, at least for a year or until you feel this way for someone else that reciprocates the feelings for you. Otherwise, you're putting yourself in the driver's seat of disappointment and hurt.
*raises hand*
I cuddle and spoon with my several of my guy friends. Its just comforting sometimes. None of them have ever tried anything and I even had one guy friend who went through a really bad divorce (they'd been married since he was 17) and couldn't sleep alone at night. So sometimes we'd have a slumber party. Nothing even remotely sexual happened and we had a very clear conversation about being just friends.
Rule #1 if a guy tells you he wants to be just friends he is (most of the time) telling you the complete truth. If he likes you and is shy he may beat around the question .0 -
I don't have a lot to say here but wanted to congratulate you on having that conversation. That must have taken a lot of courage.
Seconded. You are a braver woman than I, and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you would have liked.
^^^ This. I applaud you on stepping out of your comfort zone and asking the tough question. Even though it didn't turn out as you had hoped, now you know where he stands and can learn from this. :flowerforyou: Good luck and stay strong!!
Aaaaaaaaaw! Thanks, guys!!! xo0 -
I've was there...a long time ago. It's very dissappointing, but as I look back I really dodged a bullet. Stay strong. You will find someone who is totally into you.0
