I did it! Told my friend I had feelings for him.
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Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends."
Ummm..... most guys I work with...?
You spoon and almost have sex with most of the guys with whom you work? I take back what I said about American work places being much too Puritan. It seems a lot has changed over the last 20 years.
--P0 -
Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends."
Ummm..... most guys I work with...?
I'm surprised that anyone in today's day and age would not understand that a guy would do all that and not be into her. And sometimes women too, but mostly guys IME
A better question might be, "why do we DO this stuff with guys without requiring a relationship and then be upset later when they say we're just friends??"
OP I'm sorry for your hurt, but at least you know and can move on.
Agree.
You gotta be strong and save that emotional connection for an actual relationship even if it isn't a big deal to you. There is no way I would cuddle and be emotionally affectionate with anyone not my boyfriend. Even if the guy says does all the right things, if he's not saying the right things it is a big sign.0 -
Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends."
Ummm..... most guys I work with...?
I'm surprised that anyone in today's day and age would not understand that a guy would do all that and not be into her. And sometimes women too, but mostly guys IME
A better question might be, "why do we DO this stuff with guys without requiring a relationship and then be upset later when they say we're just friends??"
OP I'm sorry for your hurt, but at least you know and can move on.
Agree.
You gotta be strong and save that emotional connection for an actual relationship even if it isn't a big deal to you. There is no way I would cuddle and be emotionally affectionate with anyone not my boyfriend. Even if the guy says does all the right things, if he's not saying the right things it is a big sign.
Yes, I definitely agree that I made some wrong choices when it came to him. I don't blame him in this at all - we were both equal contributors.
I think because I knew him for sooooo long (+4 years), and he has done so many nice & caring things for me, and I know he respects me as a friend, that it was "different" somehow. Definitely a learning experience for me on where to set boundaries when it comes to "friends".
Hey, the fact that I even asked the guy is a huge move on my part! I should have done it a long time ago.
Like I said, all about learning. I am older but still relatively new to the dating/relationship world.
Still totally miss him.
But my friends have been keeping me busy.
Thanks to everyone for the advice and opinions!0 -
I don't have a lot to say here but wanted to congratulate you on having that conversation. That must have taken a lot of courage.0
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Thanks for this post, I was about to say that half the women on this topic have already entered "bullcrap-support mode" where they support another woman unconditionally by losing all objectivity and lying to themselves about the situation, but you saved me the trouble. Actually, I'm glad to see that OP accepts that she's also been a contributor to the situation - acknowledging this means she can change to be stronger.I'm surprised that anyone in today's day and age would not understand that a guy would do all that and not be into her. And sometimes women too, but mostly guys IME
A better question might be, "why do we DO this stuff with guys without requiring a relationship and then be upset later when they say we're just friends??"
To the other women, just try to look at things objectively without all the bitterness.0 -
I don't have a lot to say here but wanted to congratulate you on having that conversation. That must have taken a lot of courage.
Seconded. You are a braver woman than I, and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you would have liked.0 -
I don't have a lot to say here but wanted to congratulate you on having that conversation. That must have taken a lot of courage.
Seconded. You are a braver woman than I, and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you would have liked.
^^^ This. I applaud you on stepping out of your comfort zone and asking the tough question. Even though it didn't turn out as you had hoped, now you know where he stands and can learn from this. :flowerforyou: Good luck and stay strong!!0 -
Wait, spoon, cuddle, hold hands, almost have sex...
Where I'm confused:
1. Who does this ongoing and DOESN'T develop feelings?
2. Who does this and says "Oh no we're just friends." *kitten* that. I don't cuddle and almost have sex with my friends. Ever. No. In fact, I think some of my girlfriends might punch me in the baby maker if I tried. THAT'S NOT JUST FRIENDS.
3. If he doesn't think he was leading you to think there was a chance for more, he's lying. Or freaking stupid.
4. I'm basing all of these opinions off of one post and having only one side of the story. Yup. Sure am.
You need to walk away. If not permanently, at least for a year or until you feel this way for someone else that reciprocates the feelings for you. Otherwise, you're putting yourself in the driver's seat of disappointment and hurt.
*raises hand*
I cuddle and spoon with my several of my guy friends. Its just comforting sometimes. None of them have ever tried anything and I even had one guy friend who went through a really bad divorce (they'd been married since he was 17) and couldn't sleep alone at night. So sometimes we'd have a slumber party. Nothing even remotely sexual happened and we had a very clear conversation about being just friends.
Rule #1 if a guy tells you he wants to be just friends he is (most of the time) telling you the complete truth. If he likes you and is shy he may beat around the question .0 -
I don't have a lot to say here but wanted to congratulate you on having that conversation. That must have taken a lot of courage.
Seconded. You are a braver woman than I, and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you would have liked.
^^^ This. I applaud you on stepping out of your comfort zone and asking the tough question. Even though it didn't turn out as you had hoped, now you know where he stands and can learn from this. :flowerforyou: Good luck and stay strong!!
Aaaaaaaaaw! Thanks, guys!!! xo0 -
I've was there...a long time ago. It's very dissappointing, but as I look back I really dodged a bullet. Stay strong. You will find someone who is totally into you.0
