I am capable of eating way too much. I finished the majority of the slices of a large pizza by myself and ate an entire cookie cake in 24 hrs. This was the same weekend and my lowest point. I also ate a pint of ice cream every day for 3 days straight. (different weekend, but still ridiculous)


Physical Health concerns are very real: I started breaking out in rashes all over from sweat under rolls of fat, had constant swelling in my ankle, and getting sick monthly. Everyone I know personally that is even slightly larger than I was, have (but not limited to) diabetes, fertility issues, interstitial cystitis, fibromyalgia, and high blood pressure. Coming from the person who thinks death is knocking on her door when I have a sore throat, I do not want to experience the same. My father died unexpectedly at the age of 32 from a heart attack. 1 week before his doctor said he was the picture of perfect health. If a healthy man can drop dead at 32, what does the future hold for his obese daughter?


Emotional concerns: My weight has been a problem for almost 20 years and for 12 years I have tried to get rid of it. From childhood obesity to yoyo dieting teenager, I am SO READY to get off of this rollercoaster!!!!!! The person I dated made me feel worse than I already did about my weight and sent me into a depression in 2009. He ultimately broke up with me because of my weight and depression. I tried to lose the weight to win him back, but within a couple of months he found someone else. By this point I was sick of dieting with no success and gave it up all together and ballooned to 60 lbs heavier in 3 years my highest ever. (10 the 1st year, 20 the 2nd, and 30 the 3rd) I struggled with the depression and weight gain allowing them to control my life. I stayed in the house, was failing many classes, only wore sweats and baggy t-shirts. I stopped looking in the mirror, I stopped caring. I didn’t even recognize myself. I was a wreck in a deep dark place until this year when I put my foot down. I realized my weight has held me back in every aspect of my life. I refuse to date because of what I went through the first time around and was too ashamed to go anywhere because every time I did I was told how large I was. I was tired of looking at social media and seeing other people enjoying life while I am digging deeper into my pint of Ben & Jerry’s searching for something that I could not find there. I thought back to my most successful time in life & it was where I was structured. I went to bed early every night, gym first thing every morning & working out as many times as possible, counting calories, and making good grades because I cared about my education. To others it may have seemed “obsessed” but actually in my eyes it is “control.” When I started this up again I felt so calm. Before I was constantly moody. It’s almost as if the depression was like this is what I needed all along. I can leave in peace LOL Even though I am only ¼ of the way there. I am in SUCH a better place. Hot guys I never dreamed could be in my league at the gym are even checking me out! This is a big deal to me because they see women of all shapes and sizes in these gyms, even the ones I think have “perfect bodies” and yet I turn their heads at a point where I thought I was undateable. As human beings we were created to grow. I am tired of going around the same mountains over and over again. I want to put this lifelong battle to rest.

To be honest, I struggle with my why. I could spout off a bunch of cliched responses and have this challenge finished and checked off my list, but that wouldn't be very helpful.
I want my main why to be to Glorify God. I would love to go on a missions trip but don't feel as though my health would allow me to. I have diabetes and struggle with my blood sugars. I also don't have the stamina I would need to work and be a part of things. I am supposed to be an example for my kids (both my own and the ones I teach in Sunday School) but I turn to food before I turn to God. I don't want that to be the case. I want God to be the focus of my life and I can't do that when I am addicted to food. I hate my food addiction. I hate not feeling anything because I am so "drugged" up on food. I want to be here for my kids.
I need to do this for me, because it will allow me to be the person God wants me to be and to be on this earth long enough to become that person.
I hope this isn'tt too preachy...but it is real and it is me.
Mell

My why...

Like folks on the show, this is another chance for me to focus on my weight loss. Life gets in the way, and next thing I know I'm up another pants size. I've actually taken part in a challenge like this before. And I've sadly gained weight since then....

But I want to be healthy. To be around a long time for the people I care for and love. And to be the best me that I can be.

Here we go, Season 15...