So what's the difference? (Single vs Divorced)

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  • OperationSuperKAT
    OperationSuperKAT Posts: 886 Member
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    I've been going to church since I was born. I didn't have time to give a full answer, but according to a lot of churches, if your ex is still alive, then you are not to be married again. They do have a loophole for those who were "abandoned" due to infidelity, but even then, it's looked down upon. They may be the most gracious people in the world, and may never say anything to the person who gets divorced and remarried, but divorced people in many churches aren't supposed to hold positions of authority. Granted, I grew up in a more conservative denomination, but that is what I have heard since I was young. I am now part of a mainstream denomination, but I still hear conversations about this very topic. A friend of mine who is 35 and divorced has a hard time finding Christian women to date because of his past, which I personally think is ridiculous. The idea that one is not single if divorced is definitely a "church" idea. The rest of the world may want to know if someone is divorced, but it's not going to be a matter of rejection or judgment of that person's "single" status.

    Casta, as noted above, this distinction only applies if the ex-spouse is still living. Widow(er)s are perfectly free to remarry, according to the church ;-)

    Don't get me wrong, I enjoy church. I just don't think it's helpful to act like the church is never wrong.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
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    Seperated men are on my 'no no' list when I was dating.

    Haha mine too.

    ^^^THIS!

    Really ? I've never had a problem with it... Of course my husband and I have been seperated almost 8 yrs and just never got around to getting divorced (its expensive down here!) I've also never had trouble getting dates because of it. Like I said though we've been seperated 8yr and he and his live in GF do have a pretty little girl about almost 2 now. Every once in a while we casually mention getting divorced but its never been a priority. Of course we also own no property or anything like that. The good part is when we finally do get divorced we've had our custody arangement in place so long that no judge would mess with it

    I guess it depends what you want.
    I want to be married one day as I never have been before and it's important to me.

    With my kids dad, he took over 7 years to get divorced so had we have wanted to take the plunge we couldn't have. Then I went on to date another seperated man and he had no interest to divorce - so unable to marry also. I just find becuase I want marriage it makes no sense, and a man/women who isn't divorced really has some things to deal with and I am not being apart of that again. Both men I dated had alot of issues, including big $$ ones, that I won't partake in... but I know not all are that way. Just my experiences which have formed my boundary of same.
  • LoggingForLife
    LoggingForLife Posts: 504 Member
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    If asked, I always say I "was married and divorced" vs. I "am divorced". The latter makes it sound like my divorce defines who I am.

    But you have to be married before you can be divorced. Ergo, saying you were "married and divorced" is superfluous.

    --P

    Ah, yes it is. Emphasis meant to be on WAS vs. AM. I was divorced (an event that happened in the past) instead of I am divorced (defining myself by my marital state). I could be quite possible the only human on earth who thinks this way :bigsmile: .
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
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    I've been going to church since I was born. I didn't have time to give a full answer, but according to a lot of churches, if your ex is still alive, then you are not to be married again. They do have a loophole for those who were "abandoned" due to infidelity, but even then, it's looked down upon. They may be the most gracious people in the world, and may never say anything to the person who gets divorced and remarried, but divorced people in many churches aren't supposed to hold positions of authority. Granted, I grew up in a more conservative denomination, but that is what I have heard since I was young. I am now part of a mainstream denomination, but I still hear conversations about this very topic. A friend of mine who is 35 and divorced has a hard time finding Christian women to date because of his past, which I personally think is ridiculous. The idea that one is not single if divorced is definitely a "church" idea. The rest of the world may want to know if someone is divorced, but it's not going to be a matter of rejection or judgment of that person's "single" status.

    Casta, as noted above, this distinction only applies if the ex-spouse is still living. Widow(er)s are perfectly free to remarry, according to the church ;-)

    Don't get me wrong, I enjoy church. I just don't think it's helpful to act like the church is never wrong.

    By "church," I assume you mean the old men who have risen to power within the religious establishment of a particular "faith," and hence get to cherry pick which parts of the Bible they deem valid:

    Eating aquatic creatures lacking fins and scales (Deuteronomy 14:9-10)? Um, I guess that's ok now, since I love popcorn shrimp. Just ignore that passage!

    Wearing clothing woven of more than one kind of cloth (Leviticus 19:19)? Yeah, forget that one, too. In fact, just skip over Leviticus and Deuteronomy entirely. The church has spoken!

    Wait, hot lesbian sex???? Yuck, no way!


    Over 50% of US marriages end in divorce. But some "churches" don't consider those divorces valid? OMG WHO THE HELL CARES??!?!

    --P

    Edit: I've just read that the Bible specifically prohibits *male* homosexuality, but is suspiciously silent on female homosexuality. So I stand corrected, the "church" should not have an opinion on hot lesbian sex one way or another. At least based on the Bible. Unless, of course, the "church" is just making it up as it goes along. In that case, it may be frowned upon.
  • Tube_socks
    Tube_socks Posts: 808 Member
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    If asked, I always say I "was married and divorced" vs. I "am divorced". The latter makes it sound like my divorce defines who I am.

    But you have to be married before you can be divorced. Ergo, saying you were "married and divorced" is superfluous.

    --P

    Ah, yes it is. Emphasis meant to be on WAS vs. AM. I was divorced (an event that happened in the past) instead of I am divorced (defining myself by my marital state). I could be quite possible the only human on earth who thinks this way :bigsmile: .

    This is good!!
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
    Options
    If asked, I always say I "was married and divorced" vs. I "am divorced". The latter makes it sound like my divorce defines who I am.

    But you have to be married before you can be divorced. Ergo, saying you were "married and divorced" is superfluous.

    --P

    Ah, yes it is. Emphasis meant to be on WAS vs. AM. I was divorced (an event that happened in the past) instead of I am divorced (defining myself by my marital state). I could be quite possible the only human on earth who thinks this way :bigsmile: .

    Aha. This actually makes sense to me now... Completely logical. Carry on. ;-)

    --P
  • OperationSuperKAT
    OperationSuperKAT Posts: 886 Member
    Options
    I've been going to church since I was born. I didn't have time to give a full answer, but according to a lot of churches, if your ex is still alive, then you are not to be married again. They do have a loophole for those who were "abandoned" due to infidelity, but even then, it's looked down upon. They may be the most gracious people in the world, and may never say anything to the person who gets divorced and remarried, but divorced people in many churches aren't supposed to hold positions of authority. Granted, I grew up in a more conservative denomination, but that is what I have heard since I was young. I am now part of a mainstream denomination, but I still hear conversations about this very topic. A friend of mine who is 35 and divorced has a hard time finding Christian women to date because of his past, which I personally think is ridiculous. The idea that one is not single if divorced is definitely a "church" idea. The rest of the world may want to know if someone is divorced, but it's not going to be a matter of rejection or judgment of that person's "single" status.

    Casta, as noted above, this distinction only applies if the ex-spouse is still living. Widow(er)s are perfectly free to remarry, according to the church ;-)

    Don't get me wrong, I enjoy church. I just don't think it's helpful to act like the church is never wrong.

    By "church," I assume you mean the old men who have risen to power within the religious establishment of a particular "faith," and hence get to cherry pick which parts of the Bible they deem valid:

    Eating aquatic creatures lacking fins and scales (Deuteronomy 14:9-10)? Um, I guess that's ok now, since I love popcorn shrimp. Just ignore that passage!

    Wearing clothing woven of more than one kind of cloth (Leviticus 19:19)? Yeah, forget that one, too. In fact, just skip over Leviticus and Deuteronomy entirely. The church has spoken!

    Wait, hot lesbian sex???? Yuck, no way!


    Over 50% of US marriages end in divorce. But some "churches" don't consider those divorces valid? OMG WHO THE HELL CARES??!?!

    --P

    Edit: I've just read that the Bible specifically prohibits *male* homosexuality, but is suspiciously silent on female homosexuality. So I stand corrected, the "church" should not have an opinion on hot lesbian sex one way or another. At least based on the Bible. Unless, of course, the "church" is just making it up as it goes along. In that case, it may be frowned upon.

    Never mind
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
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    I like to know if a person is single vs. divorced. It just gives an insight as to what life experiences that person has been through, as well as what obligations they may still have.

    I have asked men if their divorce is final because, especially online, many men will indicate they are divorced when they are in fact in the middle of the divorce proceedings. In VA you must be separated for a year before filing for the divorce, so a lot of men change that status to "divorced" once the proceedings start. My general rule is that I will not date a separated man. Simply stated, it is hard to start a new chapter when you haven't closed out an old one. There are a lot of emotional issues as the fights between the two that I just don't want to be a part of. THAT SAID, I've been dating a separated man since April. His status was blank and I questioned him on our second date. I didn't accept a third date, however we remained friends and a romance blossomed in July. Things happen and I have never been happier with a man. So, you just never know. Yes, he has a TON of crap to go through, but if we can make it through this together, than there's not much else we can't make it through.