I guess it depends on the social situation. Is this a work thing? A church thing? A close friends or family thing? That makes a difference in how I'd handle it. If it's work or something similar, just eat what you want and if they nag at you - say you're really here to enjoy the company more than the food. If you don't think that will fly, you can go the "one small bite of most things" route (maybe even just moving them around on your plate to look like you're eating it) while you load up your plate on the healthy stuff. I'd also probably vaguely refer to getting dessert later on but then just never go back for it I'm sort of on both sides of this issue - I love to bake horribly sinful desserts, so I am one of "those" people who bring that kind of thing to a potluck (though I do usually try to also bring something healthier to sort of offset it), and I'm delighted if people enjoy it and a little sad if it's not a hit, but since I also am trying to eat more healthily, I totally understand folks who try to find healthy selections to eat and skip the dessert.
I feel like we're all adults - we should be understanding of both sides. I know that everybody has different things they like and dislike and though I may find it strange (I know somebody who doesn't like chocolate! How is that possible? hahahahahaha ) I'm sure there are things they love that just don't float my boat. Just be as gracious as you can - don't wrinkle up your nose and talk about how unhealthy things are but talk about how beautiful something looks or how much time it must have taken or something. Then it's up to them to be gracious in return and not nag people about what they eat. That's more rude to me than quietly not eating something.

I am lucky (?) in that my family isn't big enough and doesn't live close enough to get together for potlucks. My friends also actually tend to eat pretty healthy when we get together so I don't have a lot of experience with your issue. Sorry!

Wow, I feel your pain, but from a slightly different source. I have a 'stupid' digestive system that makes me miserable if I eat certain foods (dairy, soy, gluten). I just missed out on the better part of 4 days of my life due to attending a friend's Thanksgiving pot luck--eating only the foods that were specifically presented as 'safe' for me. Was I a sucker or what?

I also find it really challenging to not eat when pressured to. In my case it's not richness, it's when someone has made an effort to prepare things specially, just for me. What I need to do is then grill them on the actual content. *Awkward* Most people are honest, which very often leads to a bad moment when they realize something along the lines of: soy milk is dairy free but contains, er, soy or that chocolate almost always has both dairy and soy. Even worse, typically after several prior *oops* experiences, I get the idea that they are just omitting telling me the ingredients they just realized are not OK--I see a pained look pass over their face as they stumble over an ingredient. Honestly, I don't think ill of them for mistakes because I know how many I've made in my own cooking, but hoo-boy is it uncomfortable either way. Eat it and pay the price or grill them and pay the price socially right there in front of everyone. Yikes!

Also, and more to your point, this is a constant issue for me at family gatherings where there is constant conflict between 'tradition' and food that won't leave me unhappy later. My immediate family members know my food issues, but that doesn't mean that the holiday turkey isn't made in the family tradition of stuffed with real bread cubes and basted with butter & Teriyaki sauce. My father refuses to believe it's actually a problem because none of it touches the meat in the center of the breast--which is what I'm served. I, however, can verify that there is a belly ache after just the turkey meat from the center. I've done experiments at home with just leftover turkey. Realistically, though, I can also understand that if it works for everyone else, why should they make it in a way that no one else likes just to make it work better for me? Is it such a big deal if I have a belly ache for a couple days? (YIKES!)

Obviously I can't say that I've found the answer. I do try to bring as much food of my own as I can, and grab food before it is finished with cream/butter and (unfortunately) try to dodge the dinner altogether when I can--come early, leave before dinner or come late 'too full' for anything more.

If you have family members who can handle the issue, I think you should tell them that you just want to eat differently because it makes you feel better. I'm not sure you have to be more specific than that. You may be surprised that you'll get support from some. For those who can't grasp that love is not food, there is still the alienation/rejection issue. You'll have to decide that one for yourself. How much do you hate yourself afterwards?

Good luck!

Thanks for the good wishes, but realize that in my parent's eyes, this is no different than not wanting to eat high-fat food. I'm rejecting their food and 'judging' them by doing so. They never see the after effects--so to them it's just a personal choice.

You, also, have the right to make the proper choices for yourself--and to approach any sticky situation with a sense of humor. Make a game of it and don't sweat the small stuff.

Cheers!

I don't feel badly about eating healthy. I work out hard and everyone can tell. I do have a small crutch when things get tough I don't have a gall bladder. I refer to it as my ghost bladder as it still causes a lot of pain when I eat fatty foods. So, I'll just say I don't eat cheesy things my ghost bladder doesn't like it. Nobody argues with a health issue.

This is going to sound insensitive but I only have one me Ive had to get it in my head that no one will make good choices for me except me. I have to be the one to do it I also had to learn to be strong enough to say no regardless who it may offend
What someone thinks of me or my choices is not my business its theirs. I'm the one who must continue to live with the side effects of obesity if I do not say no to things which are not good for me.

Thankfully my immediate family is supportive.