?!?!?! Why Can't I STOP?!?!?!
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Amber82479
Posts: 629 Member
UGH! I am disgusted with myself. I am an insulin dependent diabetic. I have finally, after 2.5 years, achieved my goal weight. It’s been ages since I’ve been trapped in a binge cycle, but Thanksgiving set me off this year and I haven’t been able to get off the binge cycle since. I obsess about my binge foods constantly and find myself seeking them out at the store. I spent a LOT of money on binge food this weekend and brought most of it into work for others, because there was far too much for me to even fathom eating. Today on lunch I went to the store to get grapes and left with two containers of my binge foods from the little bakery that’s in the store. I feel sick. I rationalize it beforehand and it all seems so logical. But the MOMENT I finish the binge, the guilt sets in and I hate myself. Not to mention, I feel sick and have to deal with the rebound when my blood sugars go absolutely crazy. I consider myself a responsible, capable, successful adult, yet I can’t seem to stop doing this to myself. It’s been nearly a month. I haven’t a clue how to get off the rollercoaster. I know if I can just get clear of it and get it out of my system, I’ll be okay, but I haven’t found the right exit strategy, I guess. Sorry, I know I’m rambling, I’m just so frustrated with myself and don’t know what to do. I have to bake 6 loaves of cinnamon bread and 5 batches of cookies tomorrow and I am SO on edge! Usually I’m okay with baking at home, but when I feel this way, I’m terrified that any little thing will set me off… It makes me feel crazy and I hate it. If I can’t figure out a strategy now, I don’t know how I’ll survive Christmas! UGH. Thanks for listening…
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Hey! Take a look at this: http://aba12steps.org/ There may be meetings in your area, but if not you can call into a meeting (there are a lot of them) and get a sponsor. Let me if you have any questions!0
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Hello there
Do you live alone or does someone know about your binging disorder? Maybe you need someone who watches you a bit during the day.. Maybe it would help a bit with at least not buying the food when you know that someone knows knows about your binge disorder and knows that you'll eat it all when you buy it... 0 -
Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, I live with my husband and he does know about my binge eating disorder. When he's home, I'm 99% okay, but when he isn't, I tend to go off the deep end. Lately I've been struggling with anxiety and I gave in to buying food and binge eating in my car, which I've never done. I'm working toward another "remission" as I call it, but every day has brought some failure, be it large or small. I'm hoping that once I'm back to work after the new year and my life resumes a normal schedule, it will be easier. I so appreciate your support and knowing that there are others working through these issues alongside me!0
