Grief never ends
3rdwoozie5
Posts: 46 Member
Grief never ends, but changes......It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith.....It is the price of Love. -author unknown.
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So true. I have been stuck in grieving mode since 2000. I am tired of being miserable. I am working on me and learning about myself.0
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For 3 years I was mad at God. Then finally realized that God didn't kill my son. Started to turn morning of his death to a celebration of his life. Birthdays, DOD, everything was turned around to deciding to celebrate him.0
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I was angry with God for a long time too, but I also know it wasn't him. I know he is taking good care of my daughter.
Yesterday was the one year angelversary. I woke up crying. I'm still so sad today. I'm keeping myself busy and I wake up at 5am to work out every day. I rarely if ever miss. I'm closer and closer to my goal.
So, is it silly to think I don't wan to move out of my current state to back home because I feel closer to my daughter here?0 -
When my son was killed, my remaining daughters moved back to Alaska where they had spent their childhood together. I have been here in Oklahoma since, helping my father with the remaining years of his business. Looking back, I think I may have made a mistake not moving up there with them. For the loneliness and isolation from my family can be so hurtful at times. Now, my youngest has a 1 1/2 year old baby girl. And this Grandpa is 4,000 miles away, not being able to enjoy her. My opinion is to be with her while you can, for they grow up and move away to pursue their own lives before you know it, and you are left with photos and memories and an occasional trip to see her.0
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An Entry from the blog of T.A.P.S. (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors):
Take nothing but memories. It’s a universal truth that when we die, we take nothing earthly with us. Not even memories. They get left behind, swiftly gobbled up by survivors, hungry for comfort food. While it’s true that my memories with Michael are finite, those memories are mine. All mine. I can clutch them tight and suck the life out of them, or I can share them… and make new memories with those he loved. Memories, whether vintage or new, give flight to our feelings. They capture life. They never die, and they never disappear. They are the magic that transform heartache to healing and sadness to joy.
I’ll never understand why things happen the way they do, and much of the time, I’m just too tired to even contemplate it anymore. But I have my memories, both old and new. And for that, I am grateful. They are enough.0 -
I meant being closer to my daughter in heaven. I feel closer to her here in the state she was born. My other daughter is 3.
My dad did the same thing. He left the state because his wife wanted to move and he is really regretting it. He has no one in that state but her and she has been sick with various ailments for approximately 20 years.0 -
No matter where you go, you will carry the memories of her in your mind, and the love of her in your heart. Therefore, she stays alive in you as long as you keep her alive.0
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My daughter passed away in 2000 at 3 1/2 months. I was angry for a long time after she passed away. I blamed myself for causing her to be sick when she was born. I blamed God for taking her away from me at such an early age and leaving me to grieve with no baby...a baby I waited my whole life to have that I was told I never would have. I was angry at parents who were getting pregnant day after day and having babies time and time again. I hated my husband for not being there for me after she passed away because it was too hard for him to talk about the subject with me.
It took me a long time to not be bitter and start to accept what had happened to my Sarahann. She will always be with me. My heart overflows with happiness that I had those 3 1/2 precious months with her and I was able to stay at home with her the whole time and care for her and be with my child full time.
I still have sadness in my heart but I am trying to start looking at it as I had her for 3 1/2 months when doctors told me that I would never get pregnant. When doctors told me that she would be sick and it was best if I terminated my pregnancy I declined to terminate her life.
I was told to put her in a home and let someone else take care of her because it would be too hard for me. This one I still deal with at times. That came from a family member on my ex husband's side of the family. Who says that to someone and just looks at you. Needless to say I kicked her out of my house.
I am now seeing a therapist for all of these grief issues and trying to get them out and dealt with. I need to move on and live my life to its fullest. Not grieve for the rest of my life.0 -
Liz, I started to turn my grief of my son into a celebration of his life. Not mourn his death and loss, but celebrate that I did have some time with him. I chose to view him in a different light. I'm not sure we ever 'move on' for I don't want to. I want Eric to stay with me the rest of my life. But I see him kicking me in the rear when I work out. And I think he's laughing.
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That's a good way to look at it and it's how I'm trying to view things.
The difference is that people like Liz and I have few memories with our babies. It makes it a little harder I think.
We just have to get up each day and take a step forward and do it in honor of our children and know that we will be with them one day.0 -
I am angry that my son died but not any God or anyone in particular! I am trying to get passed that but it will be a long time! I am just trying to live day by day and continue living my life because I know I have to! It is very hard! I know it will be a lifelong struggle! I do thank God that I have wonderful family and a few good friends that have been supportive and I have also met some wonderful grieving parents thru a few facebook groups I have joined. I also attend Compassionate Friends in my area and that has been a tremendous help to us!0
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It' has been said that time heels all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind, protecting its sanity, cover them with tissue and pain lessons, but it's never gone. By Rose Kennedy.
I feel this way as I' sure you all do. We have all been through tremendous loss. All we have is to keep our memories of our children alive.0 -
I have been dreaming about my sister quite frequently. I thought I was doing better but when I wake up after dreaming about her the grief feels new and overwhelming.
I'm not angry at God, she chose to take her own life, I'm angry at her.0 -
I think it's normal what we are all going through. We will always carry the grief, we just have to learn how to deal with it.
Kim0 -
Today is our daughter's birthday in heaven. 6.5 yrs. I'm on the down side today. I will be alright. She is desperately loved and missed. I think of her first thing every morning and last thing every night, and so much in between. Tiffany clings to my every being. Some day I will be with her and I think when I do it will be with a smile on my face just knowing I will be with her again.
Diane0 -
I will keep you in my prayers Diane. I hope that the day brings you something positive.0
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Thank you gtdattitude. Yesterday was not too bad. I think I got through it better than I expected to. Went to take silk roses to cemetery and had to walk on 18 " of snow to get out to her. I was weird felt like I was walking on air. Nice I didn't once fall through. Was concerned about that. Today I'm dragging so I think it affected me more than I realized. Hoping tomorrow will be back to normal.0
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Daily I feel my grief over the loss of my son. I miss him so much. Especially when I cook. I cook most of the meals of the day and my son loved to eat my cooking and even asked for requests. My husband will eat anything I cook and my daughter, who is 24, eats what she likes and feels that my cooking is too "healthy". I know that my son would have had to leave the home someday as will my daughter. I just thought that he would be able to visit me and I would cook for him then.
Yes grief is very much a part of my day. But I REFUSE TO LET BE MY TOTAL DAY! LET US CELEBRATE THE FACT THAT WE ARE STILL HERE!
I will see my son again, but, until it is my time to see him, I WILL TRY TO LIVE THE BEST WAY I CAN!
Milagros
Raleigh, NC 0
