Why Isn't Willpower Enough?
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keep_striving
Posts: 17
I am struggling, and no matter how many times I start off thinking I'll finally lose the weight, I'll NEVER binge again, I fail. Today, I ate a whole medium pizza and a half and a box of chocolates. I've gained weight and I found myself thinking today " Oh who cares you've gained weight?" ... and then I ate. I am putting food ahead of weight loss. I don't know what my next step should be, can anyone help me?
I'm so ashamed. I don't feel normal. I feel like something is wrong with me.
I'm so ashamed. I don't feel normal. I feel like something is wrong with me.
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Replies
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It's the same reason why anyone fails at a diet, or recovery for the first few times before they're successful. It's become not only a habit but a full on disorder and not only is your body used to it, but your brain is. Even though you know you will have regret after binging, you tell yourself that the pros are going to outweigh the negative. I binged on a pizza on valentines day but then just flushed my system with lots of water. I spent the night and next day feeling exhausted and was reminded once again that it wasn't worth it.
You first have to talk to yourself when you're having the urge to binge. Ask yourself if it's truly worth it. Remember how you felt every time before when you have binged. Remind yourself that this time, the pros won't outweigh the cons because they never did before. Then find a hobby perhaps that makes you happy and will distract you until your urges pass. I love blogging and listening to music so I might do that until the thoughts of binging have passed. But once it warms up outside again, I can distract myself by doing a physical activity outside. Whether it be going for a walk or writing.
Do you enjoy writing? Perhaps try to write about your thoughts of binging. Try to just have a snack and give it time. Willpower doesn't seem like it's enough but you are in control of your brain and you can overcome your habits and disorder. I hope I didn't sound too much like a self-help book and more like a friendly stranger who's always willing to provide tips or just a chat!0 -
Why does a coke head or heroin junkie use even when they have sworn yesterday would be the last? It is an addiction! Chemicals in the brain are so hard to override!!! I feel your pain.0
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hi
First of all, I can relate, I'm almost over this but feel anytime I can fall again, so for starters I've accepted it as a life long problem.
Then, if you feel very much out of control, maybe seek professional help or read up a lot on other people's experiences and tips. There's lists of books in this group.
Also, once we stop beating ourselves up and/or hating ourselves, (you might not but I'm generalizing because most people with eating disorders do), we start loving ourselves and slowly working to stop this. But again, the moment I accepted this isn't quick fix, I felt so much better about myself.
The previous posters said many things I agree with. it's an addiction, take a look at the reason why this is being done, it's another addiction like drug, alcohol, etc.
Do things that make you feel good about yourself, hobbies, exercise, healthy cooking, etc.
Switching your focus can help. As opposed to beating yourself up and saying you can't do this or that, maybe tell yourself what you can have, and this is a healthy life full of healthy foods, habits, mentality.
Habits are slowly built but can remain for a lifetime.
So think about good habits to slowly replace old bad habits.
It'll take awhile but you can do it!
I also hope I didn't come off like a self help book but I mean every word and it's from my heart, I know how you feel.
I recently found this and agree :
http://www.niashanks.com/2013/09/20-tips-binge-eating/
There's so much more info online, I hope this helps ;-)0 -
I can definitely relate. I've always been an emotional eater but didn't develop a full binge eating disorder until a couple months into joining this site. It started off with "cheat days" then that turned into cheat weeks then cheat months! There were days when I literally ate 5000 calories. I would rationalize to myself that oh I won't be this way forever I can change whenever I want and would have good days then slip up or have a huge craving and boom 3000/5000 calories later I felt awful. I think what really enabled me was that in clothes I looked fine, even great so I didn't have that much motivation to really take control.
What has really helped me is to focus on the delicious food I can eat everyday. Another big thing was to focus mostly on health . The biggest binge foods for me was fast food. I've completely cut that out of my life due to financial reasons and overall health. My road to recovery wasn't easy and I failed multiple times but the most important thing you can do is keep going! I did well for a couple days then binged but followed it with better days. Last year was my absolute worst year but I focused on exercising at least 3-5 times a week without logging my food just making decent choices. I still binged and even with working out as much as I did I still gained!!!
Fast forward to 2014 I am in a much better place mentally. I still over eat sometimes but so far this year I've managed to stay at an average of a calorie deficit. The biggest tools for me are intermittent fasting and calorie cycling. I do best when I have more calories later in the day to eat pretty much whatever I want. And with calorie cycling I focus more on my weekly totals so i purposefully limit myself to a lower number 1 day then go over the next which ends up balancing out. What caused me to binge was feeling like I couldn't have what I truly craved but now I make it work. Some days are easier than others that is for sure but I'm doing great and I'm sure you can be successful too!!!
Anytime you fall pick yourself back up no matter how long it takes. You deserve to be happy!!!
I would tell myself I deserved to eat whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted but after I felt horrible. Now I stop myself when I really feel like saying eff it and binge and think to myself what is really the problem and usually that helps. Another thing is when I am really craving something high calorie I tell myself if I stick to my plan today I can have it tomorrow! It usually works.
We are all different but I hope you find something that works well for you. You can and you will beat this!!!0 -
I've read that a couple of times now and really should have it bookmarked. She makes a lot of great points. My favorites and ones I'm trying to implement now are:
#6 Celebrate ALL victories and don't dwell on setbacks
I think this is so important to recovery. Remember that ANY victory big or small, is a success and step in the right direction! I'm working on this right now and encourage you to think of something every day that you are proud of. I started a thread about this but even if you just write it down on a sticky, a journal, or say it to yourself in the mirror. Every day you do something good. Recognize it.
#9 Focus on what your body can DO
Fitness goals are amazing for re-focusing yourself. I may not be happy with my weight or measurements or whatever this week. But you know what I am proud of? Monday I deadlifted 115 lbs. My starting weight was 65. I was SO happy. Find something you love doing, make a goal, and have fun working towards it. It's amazing what your body can do and I think everyone should experience that
#15 & 19 Be kind to yourself & Engage in positive self-talk
This kind of goes hand-in-hand with what I said about #6. Focus on the positives and really make sure to tell yourself You are worth it! You are worth being healthy. You are worth being happy. Don't beat yourself up or call yourself names. It just continues the vicious cycle.
I hope you're having a better day today. To quote my favorite radio DJ, "Keep looking up, 'cuz that's where it all is!"0 -
I like my therapists example of willpower. Will power is a gas tank. You can start each day with a full tank, but everything you do takes a little bit out of it. Stress, anxiety, depression, hard work, a little work... waking up some days... it all eats away at your will power tank. Eventually you might be running on empty, and that is when you binge. Instead of focusing on the negatives, think of the positives that fill your tank (food related or not). Today I worked out (a little gas). Today I had some veggies (a little gas) Today I voiced my opinion instead of keeping it to myself (a little gas) today I did something to help ME (a little gas).
Will power isn't a can all be all, it is a step by step, little by little operation.0 -
Maybe willpower isn't what we need? I personally feel that it's very different than simply saying willpower is a cure-all.
Frankly I believe that the binge cycles deplete our bodies of healthy nutrients, of rest and create a stressed state.
Once we are stressed out and drained, our minds are too tired to even think of making a healthy choice. The easiest thing to do is then to go to the store/restaurant/fridge, and because our bodies are so exhausted and HUNGRY for real foods, we eat without control.
This is certainly true in my case.
I believe that it is our mentality that needs to change, after that, we can think better and make better choices.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately because now that I eat balanced, I'm less prone to bingeing.
A poster above me said she is focusing on being healthy, that eliminates a lot of unhealthy choices. I do the same, I'm trying to prevent diseases that exist in my family and so, I know that my body doesn't NEED fast food, or other junky foods. So if I want to build a strong immune system, then I know veggies and fruits are good for me, etc.
good luck!0 -
Why does a coke head or heroin junkie use even when they have sworn yesterday would be the last? It is an addiction! Chemicals in the brain are so hard to override!!! I feel your pain.
This^^ you wouldn't tell an alcoholic to just use willpower. Just about everything sets me off on a binge because a little voice in my head tells me I "should" have it or I "deserve" to have it. Next thing I know, I'm on the kitchen floor with empty hagen-daas containers around me and I don't EVER keep hagen-daas in the house! So far, logging every bite I take has worked but I know it won't last forever. The cycle of: binge, hate myself, get back on track days to months later only to binge and hate myself has to be broken so I've decided to accept that I'm only almost perfect, forgive the odd binge and get right back on my food program.
Sorry for the soapbox I hope something I've said in this post helps.0 -
The need to control - aka willpower - is the one of the underlying reasons behind BED. That's why it does not work.
Don't be disappointed. If you can let go of what happened, and figure out why you binge (or the triggers), you are already having an excellent start. A few things I have discovered/be reminded of:
1. It is a journey. So you may not be "cured" but with time you will become more attuned to your mental and physical health and prevent BED...or get out of a cycle quicker and quicker.
2. No point looking back.
3. Do not set a "tomorrow I will start and by X I will lose Y pounds" big goal. It will set you up for bigger stress --> bigger disappointments. Slow, small, mini goals work very well for many people.
Take care0
