Hi :)
Act2130
Posts: 18 Member
My name is Ashleigh and I am a 28 year old mess of eating disorders. I have been anorexic for nearly all of my adult life. I spent the better part of last year in the hospital and nearly didn't make it out alive. I went from 59 pounds to 140 pounds in 8 months and am dying to get this eating disorder under control. I spent ten years being anorexic--- I understand that eating disorder. Now that it has morphed into binge eating I am floundering. I desperately want to lose weight but it seems I am in this rut of all or nothing. Either working out for five hours and not eating, or eating 5000 calories and laying in bed all day. I have been trying to do this alone for several months now and I seem to be going backward. I am hoping to find some support to be healthy and get back to a healthy weight. I don't exactly know how this site works but I would love some like minded friends. I am tired of my self imposed isolation.
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Have you ever thought of going into an outpatient program? It's hard for people without an eating disorder to relate to us. Maybe being in the company of others like us will help you with your isolation, and give you a little motivation to work towards the future. Just remember to take it one day at a time. Find something to do while you are eating, so you don't focus on the food and calories as much. Easier said than done. For me, and I'm not pushing my religion, but when I 1st started my recovery from my bulimia, I would read my bible, and write, and it helped me to not focus as much on the fact that I was scared of the food I was eating. I'm 37 days without binging or purging. I messed up one day, and after that day, I didn't make it about , oh now I have to start over. Day 1. NOPE. I told myself, you used to binge/or just eat regular, and purge at least 8-14 times a day. I wouldn't even leave a few grapes in my stomach. and I did 30 days, then slipped, oh well. We're human. Don't be too hard on yourself, and just take every minute, even every second at times, one at a time. You can do it!0
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Congrats on being binge free for so long!! The longest I have gone is 13 days and then followed by 33 bad days ugh. Oh well I'm trying to start fresh. My goal is 75 binge free days. It's a struggle, but I'm trying to remember that just because I didn't restrict doesn't mean I "binged." I'm trying to keep my calories below 1500 and work out for 2 to 4 hours. I'm pretty sedentary for the rest of the day so I try to at least walk or use the elliptical a couple hours a day. I've tried out patient where I live and it went horrible--- that was during my anorexia and they kicked me out haha. My weight gain happened so fast that I am too ashamed to leave the house. During my anorexia days I ate 1300 to 1500 calories a day and every weigh in I weighed less so I'm hoping I will see even better results since I weigh a lot more now. I am trying to lose 40 pounds and then I'll go back to out patient or at least support groups.0
