This is what my best friend said to me last night at a potluck gathering of my closest girlfriends. We were cleaning up dinner and I was remarking at how wonderful the food had been and how great it was that we were figuring out how to do this "paleo-vegan thing. One of the girls is strict vegan, the others are pescatarian and, I am primal.

"It's really hard, this paleo-vegan thing. I mean it took me a really long time on pinterest to find the cauliflower pizza crust recipe. Then I had to buy vegan cheese and regular FULL FAT cheese. We just all need to be flexible and realize it can't always be perfect." She replied to my excitement over the success of the meal. What a bummer. And what do you mean flexible? I have spent years with these women trying all means of vegan and vegetarian restaurants, switching out ingredients and researching new methods of cooking so to prepare vegan friendly dishes, and most recently eating some items I knew were less good for me because they thought I could eat it (I have given them each a short list of the no-no's). And what do you mean flexible? I have mentally catalogued each one of their food intolerances, the one who can't have any type of sugar (including fruit) or can't eat any vinegars of any sort. The one who can only have certain types of cheeses. I have spent hours pouring over forums and yelp and urban spoon looking for restaurants that will suit all of our needs. And what do you mean flexible?

Does flexibility mean that occasionally they will dig into a steak with me? Or that I can finally make bacon wrapped dates stuffed with goat cheese and drizzled in rosemary oil, and they will eat it and enjoy? Or does flexibility simply mean I should suck it up and eat grains because buying a pizza crust would have been easier than making one out of cauliflower? Because they can't fathom that grains could be harmful to our guts. They can't wrap their minds around the idea that soy is slowly killing us? Therefore I should just suck it up and eat some beans (for God's sake). That is the sense I got from the conversation. I quickly changed the topic and moved on.

I just started reading Chris Kresser's Your Personal Paleo Code and came across this quote "I realized I had found my tribe-a group of revolutionary individuals committed to helping people obtain optimal health". I burst into tears upon reading this sentence. I feel that way with this forum. I feel like I have found my tribe and I am surrounded by people who don't expect me to be flexible. People who know more or know less than me but want to teach and learn. People who are opinionated but speak from the heart, people who are tentative and scared but look to us for guidance. I am surrounded by people who are like minded and working towards "helping people obtain optimal health".

I am going to my first paleo meetup this weekend and can't be more excited. I am hoping to find a similar community but in real life. Because when I think of my primal lifestyle around my friends and family, I feel like I am a lone raft stuck in a great ocean and all I have for a paddle is a rotten stick. But here I feel like I am on a crew team seamlessly gliding down the river with Chris Kresser, Mark Sisson, Diane Sanfilippo, and many many others at the helm.

Do any of you allow for flexibility, how do you even respond to that statement. I personally know which non-paleo foods I can eat with little reaction but I keep it to a minimum, and why would I choose to eat those things when they make me less healthy. Why would my best friends ask me to eat foods that makes me less healthy. Why ask me to eat something that was part reason for the debilitating pain that kept me in bed most days of the week? Yes, I will be flexible. I will continue to visit vegan restaurants and veganify any foods I cook for you, my dear friends, but I will not sacrifice my health to make a pot luck dinner easier for you.