Three weeks ago, I decided to clean up my diet and get serious about this again. But all that's happened is I have gained a pound.

Some history -- After being effortlessly slender my whole life, even after three kids, I gained a huge amount of weight about ten years ago. My job duties changed from being very active and on my feet most of the day, to working a desk job. I was under tremendous stress, and I also quit smoking. When the first few pounds appeared, I followed the popular advice and cut fat and calories. It worked for a while, but the weight would come back. I'd cut more ... and gain more. Added in cardio exercise and just wanted to eat the sofa. Finally, I had an extra 60 pounds on my small, 5'1" frame. Low cal, low fat, Weight Watchers, every night in the gym and I'd lose a little, gain back more as soon as I ate anything. I ended up tipping the scales at over 170.

In desperation, I tried Medifast - like Nutrisystem only worse - packaged, powdered, soy protein based meals that provided less than 800 calories a day and almost no fat. I did finally lose 35 pounds over the 5 months I was on this diet, but at a huge price. I was always tired, losing my hair, depressed and anxious, female issues ... and then I discovered Gary Taubes' "Why We Get Fat" and realized I was killing myself.

I went the Atkins route for about 6 months. But I could not lose any more weight. I had already stalled on the Medifast for the last month, losing nothing, so I was trying to be patient while my body and metabolism adjusted to a more normal caloric intake that included the fats my body had been starving for. Went to the doctor - of course I was scolded for eating so much fat, but my lab work showed low thyroid function. I got on treatment for that with dessicated thyroid, plus supplements for iron, Vitamin D, magnesium and more. And despite eating a clean, low carb, high fat diet, I started gaining weight again. After about a year, I got off the thyroid medication, because it obviously was not helping.

I dropped the whole Atkins thing ... I was tired of tracking carbs, and pretty much had a good handle on what was low carb and what wasn't. I drifted more into a modified paleo or primal diet. I also experimented with elimination of some foods to see if I had any intolerances - dairy, eggs, nightshade veggies. The only thing I really react to is wheat. I tried increasing the carbs some, up to about 50 - 80 a day ... and gained more weight and it also messed with my blood sugar.

I got more and more frustrated and pretty much gave up. I was eating rice and corn, fruits and not much caring what happened, until I really noticed that I was having blood sugar problems, and also found that I was reacting to corn too. So, here I am ...

I came upon a meal plan, called Personal Trainer Foods. These are meals, delivered frozen, made from real meats and vegetables. I went with the all meat option, supplementing with my own veggies. I am lazy, completely unmotivated and if I cook, I will take shortcuts ... so while this is not ideal, this works for me. Heat and eat, and I am good to go.

I am tracking my calories here, aiming for 1250 - 1300 a day. I've done really well with hitting my target. I got a treadmill and I am trying to use that for some gentle walking, also weighted hoola hoop and I may try to get in some yoga. I've been at this for three weeks now, and all I have to show for it a one pound GAIN, which puts me two pounds away from heaviest weight ever.

Ugghhh ... I just want to sit here and cry into a hot fudge sundae.

Is there anything else I can try? Or is this just a lost cause?