I am sorry to read this post but hope you get a new approach to life tomorrow. What is helping me is a mixture of behavioral therapy, stop counting calories, and reading books/watching youtube videos about the subject. I found a book from an author called "J. Spinardi" and she also has some videos and it is helping me. I am not loosing weight, (or who knows, I try not to weight myself either!) but it is definitely freeing me from a lot of unhappiness derived from food behavior. Because a book is limited, I think seeing a therapist is a great idea and I am doing that too.

Don't beat up yourself for the weight gain, and most of all don't restrict food too much now.