Hi- I'm a new member to the group, but not to the site (though my early use of the phone app didn't turn in to much).

My name is Sara, I'm from Ohio, and I've been showing dressage since I was 12. I was always that "big" girl riding dressage, but I pushed myself and took my early horses (Draft Crosses, AQHAs) to both GMO and USDF All Breed Award championships. I even did the whole NAYRC qualifying thing, wintered in Florida, and worked with an absolutely wonderful BNT in my early 20's. Said BNT was a HUGE motivator in getting fit, being active, and finally getting to an acceptable level of weight where I wasn't the biggest girl out there.

Yes, when I say my experiences, it's going to make me either sound like a spoiled brat, conceited, extremely blunt, or out of touch with reality. If you choose to judge me in that manner, that is fine. However, never begrudge a person for what you perceive they have. You do not know how hard they worked, what they have sacrificed in order to get there, and that usually success comes not only to those who have opportunities, but to those who have faith, seize whatever opportunities come their way and use the opportunity to its fullest, and continue to chase their dreams and goals until they get to the top will always seem like opportunity found them, when in fact, they found the opportunity.

I can make every excuse as to what happened between my fittest time in my life and now. Sure, I left the High Performance circuit. I was dealing with family crisis after family crisis. I started law school and a desk job. But as I made every excuse not to exercise or eat well, I still kept riding my NAYRC horse. She was pretty much my entire world, and I kept myself fit enough to wear my high-waist Pikeur show breeches.

The tipping point for my downward spiral of health was the death my mare. It was completely unexpected. I didn't show for an entire year. The next season, I started riding a PMU horse I'd taken up to 3rd level.... but wasn't fit enough to get through First Level. Not her; she'd been showing with juniors since I stopped showing her- I was the out of shape one.

I went from fit enough to do PSG to being tired after riding a rather uncomplicated horse at First level. I couldn't fit in to my Pikeurs and was wearing a set of super-stretchy custom "fat pants" I'd bought back in the day.

The next season gave me hope. I found a new partner; the gelding in my profile pic. The BNT I'd worked with before knew he was for sale and helped me get him. I bought him, earned my silver medal in one show (the NAYRC horse helped me with 3 of the 4 scores before she passed).

But the weight was still there.

Sure, I'd become fit enough to handle 4th/PSG in the first season I had him. I'd lost a little weight, but not enough to look acceptable in a shadbelly. We'd done extremely well in both USDF and Region Championship awards at the levels, but I'm sure it was more because of him, and less of how I looked.

We continued into our second season with the same success until August 6 when a bee stung my horse while I was walking between the outdoor and indoor arenas. I can't blame him for the accident, but after being thrown head first into the wall from a gallop, being spun around, and yet somehow avoiding both a TBI (thank god for helmets) and broken bones, I was set back for the year. There were no Region Championships or USDF awards in 2012.

Guess what happened during my recovery?

That's right. My weight skyrocketed. I had to get over my fears thanks to the accident so I did what any (insane) person would do. I started eventing the mare I showed in the FEI Young Horse Tests. Never mind that I hadn't ridden the mare since 2009. Never mind our relationship is like oil and water. Never mind I hadn't evented before. We rocked the beginner novice level. I was extremely fortunate to find someone to lease my boy while I got over my fears, and reunited with him in May 2013.

2013 was the year I finally got the kick in the butt I needed. It didn't matter my regular clothing didn't fit, I'd gone up (yet another) jeans size, or that I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. What I needed to do was get out in that show ring at the FEI level and force myself to face everything; the fear in my head, how I looked in a shadbelly, and the fact my Pikeurs and show boots didn't fit anymore.

Do you know what? BNT came back in to my life in 2013 as well. He pushed me. Hard. I needed it. He brought focus back to my life, not only in the areas of riding, but in school, in my faith, and in my family and friends. He basically renewed my trust in myself and continued to help me believe in myself.

Will I ever be a size 6 again? Maybe. Maybe not.

But will I fit in to those Size 30 High Waist Pikeurs? Maybe not for the 2013 Championship/Finals, but 2014 better watch out. I'm going to be wearing my real show breeches again, and I'm going to be fit enough to get my Gold Medal.