Maybe you could explain to your husband the harm being obese will have on you? That isn't even potential, that is pretty much a sure thing. As far as financial impact, I don't have really have any increased expenses except maybe buying new clothes, but that can be done very inexpensively if you are creative.

I am almost 8 months out from surgery and I cannot think of one negative thing about my experience. My life has changed for the better in many ways. My quality of life has improved, my health has improved, even my mood in general has improved. I wish I would have done this sooner, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Sometimes, partners feel threatened by our weight loss, too. Has he been supportive of your attempts at weight loss before? Often there are feelings of, "will she still love me when she loses weight". There are some very real cases of marriages that go south due to insecurities with this level of weight loss. "What happens when someone else sees her as attractive??" There is often a connection between the relationship health and our weight, anyway. ( I know that all my attempts to lose weight in a prior marriage went nowhere because, although he was supportive, the emotional connection wasn't there and that was what I was trying to fill with food, anyway.) All this can come out as "reasons why you shouldn't do this." Do encourage him to go to the session with you. At very least, if you do start down this road, the psychologist that you will meet with will help you with this and even talk with him, if he is willing. Hopefully, you've done some therapy work yourself to get to this point. We have to go into this with a healthy mind-frame and self-love!!

I guess he needs to re-evaluate whether he wants you for the "long haul" or would prefer to have medical bills later on in your relationship, because with morbid obesity come medications, surgeries, loss of work, etc.. not to mention, fat clothes are more expensive!! So if those are *truly* his reasons, it is food for thought (pardon the pun).

I will also add that while support is nice, it is not necessary. Most of the difficult things that you will face after surgery are personal and are things that others won't understand. You can find the strength within yourself to do this whether others agree with you or not.

I will also add that while support is nice, it is not necessary. Most of the difficult things that you will face after surgery are personal and are things that others won't understand. You can find the strength within yourself to do this whether others agree with you or not.

I agree with this 1000%!!

Ok male perspective hear = all well and good to repeat the "you can do this on your own girl, no support is needed" advice but there is obviously more going here. Marriage is a partnership (22 years in for me) and in a successful marriage the partners figure out how to do major things like this together. There are very few details in your post other than "husband is not supporting me", too few to generate an opinion in any direction.

1) If he is concerned with financial pressure post-op then there is something concerning him now.
2) If he is concerned about potential harm post op then there is a past problem haunting him.
3) Are there children involved? If so - how old?
4) Have you been medically laid up before and is he concerned about that?

Quite honestly I would (and have) take this slow and address his concerns before telling him "you don't need his support" because if you want to stay happily married you will eventually need it. Sorry, not going to sugar coat it - spent enough days in the support groups to see "Red Flags" and who is successful and who fails. In 22 years I have seen enough marriages fail when one party decides they don't need the other's support (no gender bias). Marriage takes work and problem solving.

* Start attending support groups and invite him. If he won't go just keep going yourself and bring home the material.
* Take it slow to show him you are serious and this is not a fad.
* Start the medical check-up process and invite him to see the positives - see how this helps you as a family.
* Address the familiy finances now; develop a plan to show you are serious and can withstand any potential loss of work.

I took a year to work the process and my family was fully invested whch has significatly contributed to my success. If you go slow, invite him in at his own pace and he still is completely unwilling then you may need to consider that there may be other concerns.

Initially my mother was less than thrilled at the prospect of my having surgery. I took her to have a chat with my Bariatric Nurse Coordinator. After some education from someone besides me, and lots of tears, her fear was managed. She watched my dad kill himself with food, (literally, he died of Morbid Obesity at 54 when I was 12). She was finally able to come to a place where she understood that for me, the risks of doing nothing were greater than the risks of surgery. She was my post-op support person and is my greatest cheerleader today.

I haven't had my surgery yet (this fall) but am in the process. If you need support, I will support you. I think your husband's concern is a good sign, in that he loves you and wants what is best for you. But, he has to understand that long-term obesity is a downhill slope and it only gets worse as you age. There are so many things that obesity causes, such as diabetes, hight BP, organ damage, increased risk of cancers, etc. Those possibilities should also concern him and they are not without financial complications also. I wish you the very best and if you want to friend me so I can cheer you on, please feel free!!

I think that the idea of a loved one having major surgery would scare many people. The common notion that this major surgery is "elective" makes it an even bigger hurtle to jump. Education will be your biggest ally in gaining your husbands support. When I first posed the idea of having WLS to my boyfriend, he kind of brushed it off and said that we could try AGAIN to do it on our own. He was always supportive of me loosing weight and tried to encourage and support my weight loss endeavors. Since my past attempts hadn't worked, I started educating myself. I took him to the first pre-op appointment. My doctor spoke directly with him and specifically told him that I would need him if I was to be successful. When my boyfriend heard that, he was in. My doctor had him watch the same informational videos and suggested that he attend my nutrition appointments as well to keep me accountable and help me on my journey. Even at the hospital, the doctors and nurses spoke to both of us, together. We approached this as a team. He shared the entire process with me, the missteps and triumphs. I don't know for certain if I would have been the same, or more, or less successful had he not supported me. But I do know that I value his support immensely and that he shared in this journey with me.

Initially, my daughter (age 39) was totally against it. I gave her access to a video produced which showed every single detail, possible side affects - both good and not so good and went through the whole process step-by-step from pre-surgery, surgery and post-surgery. She was better informed and got on board.

I just got back from her home out-of-state and she was so delighted at my weight loss, how much energy I had, I was more up to get up/out and do things, how great I looked and how dedicated I was to looking at and understanding labels and the importance of exercise. Every day I was there I worked out (swimming, walking 13,996 steps at zoo, weights, etc.). She also saw how committed and dedicated I am to ensuring my success by logging in on MFP every day and seeing the support/advice I receive from my MFP friends and that I also contribute to.

I would think this would be a hard/almost impossible task for someone to do all on their own with no support in the home. The support on MFP has been like a life-line to me as they have experienced it and have provided me with exceptional understanding, insight and advice and I would not be doing so well without them - but it doesn't take the place of support in the home or close family/friends. Luckily the people closest to me wondered why I hadn't done it 4 years ago. I was normal height and weight up until about 7 years ago when I went through a very dark time.

I waited until I knew I was committed to this lifestyle change and would be successful. I feel GREAT and I can see parts of myself coming back - both physically and mentally.

Good luck to you and hopefully your spouse will come around when provided with more in-depth information either from your surgeon or from a video like the one I had access to.

Karen