Anyone else dealing with an unsupportive FH?
danihardman89
Posts: 14 Member
Hi gals,
So excited to be planning my wedding for April of next year, but definitely frustrated. Before I met my FH, I was at my lowest weight since the end of high school (from my HW of 300+), at 170ish lbs. I was doing good with my diet, I had taken up running and was about a year away from graduating college where I walked, a lot.
The trouble (and love of my life) started when I met FH. He of course had drastically different eating patterns than I did, and I failed to adapt/keep up with all that hard work and effort I put into losing weight and getting healthy. Totally my own fault for not sticking to my guns there. We loved eating out and at some points on weekends we were eating out up to 3x a day, needless to say, I didn't go about it healthily like I'd been taught and I ended up gaining back to where I am today, at 266 lbs.
My guy isn't horribly healthy either as you may have guessed, but he doesn't care about his weight/his health as much as I do. We've gone through keto, which worked for a while until we both fell off the wagon, and I've tried restarting a diet several times over the last 2 (almost 3 now) years with no more than 20 lbs lost.
My goal is to try and get back to 180 by my wedding date, but at this point it seems next to impossible. While I do control dinners, I often find myself tempted and swayed to eat out/get pizza/ etc., which I can never seem to do sensibly. He of course, doesn't really care about all this losing weight crap (though he's said quite the opposite a few times). I'm sick of trying to get him on board, and him helping me fall off board too. Any ideas/tips for dealing with this?
So excited to be planning my wedding for April of next year, but definitely frustrated. Before I met my FH, I was at my lowest weight since the end of high school (from my HW of 300+), at 170ish lbs. I was doing good with my diet, I had taken up running and was about a year away from graduating college where I walked, a lot.
The trouble (and love of my life) started when I met FH. He of course had drastically different eating patterns than I did, and I failed to adapt/keep up with all that hard work and effort I put into losing weight and getting healthy. Totally my own fault for not sticking to my guns there. We loved eating out and at some points on weekends we were eating out up to 3x a day, needless to say, I didn't go about it healthily like I'd been taught and I ended up gaining back to where I am today, at 266 lbs.
My guy isn't horribly healthy either as you may have guessed, but he doesn't care about his weight/his health as much as I do. We've gone through keto, which worked for a while until we both fell off the wagon, and I've tried restarting a diet several times over the last 2 (almost 3 now) years with no more than 20 lbs lost.
My goal is to try and get back to 180 by my wedding date, but at this point it seems next to impossible. While I do control dinners, I often find myself tempted and swayed to eat out/get pizza/ etc., which I can never seem to do sensibly. He of course, doesn't really care about all this losing weight crap (though he's said quite the opposite a few times). I'm sick of trying to get him on board, and him helping me fall off board too. Any ideas/tips for dealing with this?
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Oh, and if anyone wants to friend me on here that'd be great, heaven knows I need as much support as I can get at the moment!0
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I also sometimes have an unsupportive FH. He tells me that he's "proud" of me for dieting, but he constantly tries to get me to eat out with him and shoves his food in my face to have a bite. It's extremely discouraging and upsetting. I try to talk to him about it, but he doesn't seem to get what he's doing is hindering my diet and weight loss goals. He doesn't think his actions are wrong. It sucks. It really sucks.
There's not much you can do other than try to do the best that you can. My lowest weight was during undergrad at 115lbs, and after I moved in with my FH, I've ballooned to my highest weight of 222lbs. He's similar to yours in that he loves his take-out and pizza. He doesn't really care about losing weight and eats whatever, even after I've asked him to not do that. For example, I've asked him to not eat a huge bowl of cereal before bed every night, but he gets mad and does it anyway. Eventually, my healthy habits just disappeared, and I ate whatever and whenever he ate.
What's helping me now is a meal plan. I have my breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks all planned out. I have one cheat meal a week, so that I can go out with friends or him. I also use the wedding as a motivator. My wedding is on 09/20/14, and right now, I weigh 206.5lbs. My goal is to hopefully get to 180lbs, but I've been very discouraged recently, so who knows.
Just try to use MyFitnessPal as motivation. Also, set firm rules, and stick to them. You'll definitely have bad days, but don't let those days get you down. Be strong!0 -
I can relate and it is very frustrating. I was in the same boat, when I met him I was very fit and active and eating well. He is most def NOT an active guy and eats like the Italian New Yorker he grew up as (something VERY different for me as I grew up in Southern California), so naturally we both gained weight.
Over the course of 10+ years I gained about 20lbs and my workouts were inconsistent to say the least. However, at the end of last year I just got fed up with clothes not fitting, having very little energy, and just generally feeling... gross.
So I downloaded MFP -- My eating habits have much improved (it's SO HARD to resist eating out, though! I so get that!!!) and I've started working out with more frequency. Since January I've lost 15 lbs and started to tone up... and I've even convinced my SO that going for walks and bike rides isn't THAT bad.
The past two weeks or so I have been feeling very good about my progress since this is the first time in those 10 years where I stuck with a positive change for a period of time. My SO sometimes can make me feel guilty for leaving to go workout or when I don't want to eat crap for dinner when I can bake some chicken just as easily... and I just have to remember how yucky I was feeling when I didn't honor myself and treat myself kindly with healthy choices. Now, I'm not saying every choice I make is great... and sometimes I do allow myself to use him as an excuse to watch one more episode of whatever we're binging on at the moment instead of hitting the streets for a walk... but I just have to come back to ME. And honestly, my SO has noticed my progress and is proud of me, and I think it's starting to rub off on him more, where it's not as difficult to get him to agree to head outdoors for some exercise.
So I guess I would say just do what you know you have to do. There are no easy cheats for this as we all know! Stick to making good choices, one day at a time and go from there.
Also, I've found doing those 30-day challenges that are out there are really great for me. I HATE the gym and prefer to do my cardio outside when weather permits. So after a walk or jog I can do some squats, pushups, etc in the park, too. Or in my living room during commercial breaks. But for me, I know I will be doing SOMETHING everyday, instead of a half-assed attempt at the gym once a week.
I know it's cliche - but find what works for you and just stick with it!
Cheers.0 -
My FH is very fit and healthy. You would think that would help. But no, I think I've made him worse instead of him making me more active!
As seemingly uncaring about our weight as they are, we do still love them.
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