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Struggling with staying the same v. changing

Thorbjornn
Thorbjornn Posts: 329 Member
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This is probably completely weird. If subject is inappropriate, I'm completely cool with it being nuked...

I love fat guys. Think of the late Billy Mayes, Richard Karn, virtually any bearish guy with a bear belly; I've even seen guys who are, for lack of a better term, blubbery (OK, obese) who make me say "woof!" There is a cop in town who is big and solid looking, with a generous midsection. I find myself thinking "man, he has got a gorgeous body". OK, so they're a turn on and probably a fetish, but here's the dilemma...

As much as I want to drop my weight and belly, and show definition, I am conflicted because if being fat is good enough for those 'sexy' guys, it's good enough for me. Yet I DON'T feel it's good enough for me. It's really a conflict between being happy the way I am because I'm in that club (fat guys), and being unhappy because deep down, I really don't want to be fat. Has anyone ever had a conflict with being complacent, i.e. "fat, dumb and happy" v. being "fat, dumb and UNhappy"?

I told you it's weird. :embarassed:

Replies

  • JonDyn
    JonDyn Posts: 156 Member
    well there's plenty of guys in the bearish category who love both the larger gentleman and the thinner one, so it doesn't really matter regardless unless there's a specific guy you're after who won't go for a thinner you,

    the best policy is just that you get to the body type that you're happy with and feel comfortable with.
    I'm lucky enough to like men who are bigger or thinner atm.
  • ZOOpergal
    ZOOpergal Posts: 176 Member
    Changing your body won't change who you are attracted to. In the end weigh loss is supposed to be about making yourself healthier. I go through times, too, where I feel like "well, I lost X amount, thats good enough for now." And, yeah, I go back to maintenance for a while until I'm ready to lose some more. Be who you want to be, and be happy! :happy: :happy: Good luck!
  • Chelsea_O
    Chelsea_O Posts: 45 Member
    The main part that sticks out to me is that you stated, deep down, you don't want to be fat. I think that answers everything. You're lucky enough to know what you actually, deep down want and you should go for it. And this might be some strange advice, but if you get down to a smaller size and lose your spot in the club you do have the ability to get back into it lol In my opinion, you should lose the weight because it's really what you want, but if you find it makes you unhappy you can always gain it back.

    I don't think this is weird. I'll only date girls who are bigger than me. My husband is a big guy and losing weight quickly... I'm' afraid if he gets below 250-300 I won't be attracted to him anymore lol
  • Thorbjornn
    Thorbjornn Posts: 329 Member
    Changing your body won't change who you are attracted to. In the end weigh loss is supposed to be about making yourself healthier. I go through times, too, where I feel like "well, I lost X amount, thats good enough for now." And, yeah, I go back to maintenance for a while until I'm ready to lose some more. Be who you want to be, and be happy! :happy: :happy: Good luck!

    Oh I'm not concerned about my attraction. My husband is in the fat guys club too, and he ain't going anywhere. :laugh: The thing is indeed the health issue, and a bit of vanity. I've put on a lot of muscle and strength in the past 20 years, more than the average guy my age. It's a way of making me stand out and above (I have many, many flaws and needs :laugh: ). I think I do get complacent and lazy after a while of progress and then get :sad: like I'm doing now.
  • Thorbjornn
    Thorbjornn Posts: 329 Member
    The main part that sticks out to me is that you stated, deep down, you don't want to be fat. I think that answers everything. You're lucky enough to know what you actually, deep down want and you should go for it.

    Yeah, I always say "thin is in, but fat's where it's at" :bigsmile: so it's not any judgement, I'm just thinking that maybe it's a matter of justifying laziness on my part.
    My husband is a big guy and losing weight quickly... I'm' afraid if he gets below 250-300 I won't be attracted to him anymore lol

    250-300!? Hoo-wee! Toss him my way, my husband won't mind. :laugh:
  • const1ar
    const1ar Posts: 18 Member
    I think this topic is a real struggle for a lot of people, especially if you already have a partner and you know what your partner's preference is..I am in the same boat, my partner is much smaller than me and prefers to date bigger women. Over the years I have lost some weight and gained it back but now i find myself feeling unhappy with my appearance so I am back at it and trying to become healthier. I think communication is key, we have an agreement that I will not drop below a compromised size so we both get what we want =] At the end of the day being happy with yourself is the most important part and if your partner loves you they will understand, but like i said sometimes a compromise is needed =]
  • Thorbjornn
    Thorbjornn Posts: 329 Member
    Thanks, I had no idea I am not alone in feeling this way. I once said to my husband (when we first met) in a conversation about working out, that I did not want him to lose weight for appearance. After all, I was all over him for a reason :bigsmile: but rather, at least to keep his health. He was in good shape, albeit "husky" because he loved to dance and did so a couple of nights a week. Ironically this conflict is about me by me. He has never said a word about my appearance except to remark positively when I've gained more muscle, and the times I dropped weight and pants sizes (yes, I can do it when I want to :wink: ). I'm my own worst enemy.

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