"Back Lash"
amylb0822
Posts: 69 Member
I have been very open about my weight loss journey from the beginning. In June 2013 I began with diet and exercise... through my surgery date I had lost around 80 pounds... since surgery 2/20 I have lost about 29 more.
I have had many folks be supportive and wish me well. Some of the folks that have been vocal in support have surprised me, but the surprise was more for the folks that were "friends" that were Nay sayers.... I didn't let that bother me and kept trucking.
This past week however, a male friend of 9 years, really unleashed pure nastiness that I would have never expected. I won't post what he said, but the gist of it was that my surgery was cheating. I am weak for not being able to lose weight without surgery and that if I had surgery to remove the excess skin and reshape that I would then be "Fake",,,,,,,,,, Ummmmmmmm wow.
Needless to say we are no longer friends... I mentioned this to a friend of mine or 2 that have had surgery also years ago and they told me that this is common. people feel threatened by positive change I guess.
Just wondering, have any of you guys experienced back lash? Is it common?
I have had many folks be supportive and wish me well. Some of the folks that have been vocal in support have surprised me, but the surprise was more for the folks that were "friends" that were Nay sayers.... I didn't let that bother me and kept trucking.
This past week however, a male friend of 9 years, really unleashed pure nastiness that I would have never expected. I won't post what he said, but the gist of it was that my surgery was cheating. I am weak for not being able to lose weight without surgery and that if I had surgery to remove the excess skin and reshape that I would then be "Fake",,,,,,,,,, Ummmmmmmm wow.
Needless to say we are no longer friends... I mentioned this to a friend of mine or 2 that have had surgery also years ago and they told me that this is common. people feel threatened by positive change I guess.
Just wondering, have any of you guys experienced back lash? Is it common?
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Replies
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Sorry you had this type of experience.
Luckily I have not experienced anything but positive support from my friends and colleagues. I do have a nicely prepared response for anyone that wants to call me a cheater though...lol
What I have experienced is more strain on some relationships. I have a couple of very good friends who are still large and while they are happy for me I can feel the tension that my life is moving in a different direction now. When in the past I was cool with sitting around watching TV and movies all weekend and eating of course, now I want to be out and about and on the move a whole lot more. It can be an interesting balanceing act.0 -
As I have gotten smaller this fellow's physical advances have increased. I have made it clear tactfully "thanks but no thanks"...
Maybe his hurt ego played in to it.... all I know is if someone will say it in anger they have been thinking it a while, so he and I are no longer friends...
Everyone else has been really awesome and supportive!0 -
Wow! That's terrible. I guess it's good to know who your friends really are.
I personally don't want to have to deal with this, so I have told only my very closest family and friends that I know will keep it to themselves. This consists of less than five people, sadly. I really don't like keeping it a secret (not that any of us are under any obligation to tell anyone). It's especially hard when people ask what I'm doing to lose. It's only recently happening for me as it's just becoming noticeable. Anyway, I am honest about what I am doing: eating smaller meals, eating high protein/low carb most days, and exercising and then change the subject. I just leave out the surgery part.
Again, it is hard for me and I feel like I'm deceiving them somehow, but it really isn't any of their business.
Congrats on doing so well and keep moving forward!!
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PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE... I love this author - she is such an inspiration for all of us in this group. I really wish you could share it with that 'male friend (???)' - this would open his eyes - if not his brain!
((scroll down a little after opening) http://wlsjourney.org/community-forums/general-bariatrics/wls-article-depository/1265-bariatric-surgery-cheaters.html
:flowerforyou:
Christine0 -
It's always heartbreaking to hear when this happens. My advice is to remember that their actions say more about them than it does about you.
Head held high! Moving forward!0 -
Just because we take advantage of medical advances doesn't mean we are cheating. As anyone who has had WLS knows, it's NOT a shortcut, it's a tool. After all anyone who takes pain med for pain is taking advantage of medical advances. Isn't it cheating to not just suffer the pain??? So we choose to be proactive and make a permanent change to our health for the better. It took me 7 months to get to the surgery table. Easy way??? Let's see. 4 months of support group meetings. 6 weeks of behavior modification classes. Monthly visits to a nutritionist. 2 visits with a psychologist. 2 visits to physical therapy. 3 meetings with the surgeon. Having to lose 11 lbs on my own ( I actually lost 30 preop). 2 weeks of being out of work. SHORT CUT?! That's a long route to a short cut. Now with the band I am losing at about the same rate I was before surgery but with more food choice restrictions. I am at the gym 4 days a week. SO I'm glad you cut off friendship with this JERK. He can go stick it in the "suck it bucket". YOU ARE DOING GREAT! YOU GO GIRL!0
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Better to find out.....
* I know a few people who have pacemakers - guess they are cheating, should have stronger heart
* I know a few people taking anti-depressants - guess they are cheating, weak minded
* I know a few people with false teeth - guess they are cheating, didn't brush and floss enough
* I know a few people who did invitro - guess they are cheating, didn't try hard enough
* I know a few people who had knee/hip replacement - guess they are cheating, should just limp on through
* I know a few people who color thier hair - guess they are cheating fakes, we should just go grey
I can go on, and, on ...... I freely tell people that I needed a first step to help me control my hunger and eating. I explain that the surgery simply limits my capacity to eat but that my weight loss and current appearance is the result of my hard work since the operation. Responses have been completely positive.0 -
I know a few people exactly like that! One them gets SO mad because I refuse to post my surgery details on Facebook.........I have MFP for that---and it is NOT anyone's business. Anyway, even though I work out six days a week (kickboxing and strength training), this person still comments to others that I'm cheating and that the surgery was essentially a 'magic pill'. For these individuals, they fail to realize that the surgery will ONLY work if you use it as the tool that it is. I still have to exercise, I still have to watch what I eat, I still have to log my food and make sure I am on track. I am almost 2 years post op---and the surgery helped get me started. However, the surgery doesn't get my butt out of bed every morning to get me to my 5 a.m. class, the surgery doesn't do food prep on Sundays to make sure that I have portion control, and the surgery certainly doesn't tell my brain to shut up and don't eat that bad food.
Individuals that cannot be supportive are truly not your friend anyway. They are jealous because they know that they need to make better health decisions in their lives and refuse to do so. Just keep doing the work for YOU--that is all that matters 0 -
Thanks for the article! It summed it all up. Even with surgery, if we don't do the healthy things we need to do to utilize this tool, we will not succeed. This is by no means easy. I swim laps 3 times a week, walk all over the place as often as I can and am going to meet with a personal trainer tomorrow night so I can begin more work to strength and work on my cardio, core and balance.
When I started out on my weight loss journey I was very private about the choice I made to head toward surgery. As the weight came off in bunches pre-surgery people began asking questions. You see, being "fat" is very public, folks somehow feel entitled to comment on your weight, clothing, food choices at lunch etc... and so often these same folks feel they can comment freely as you lose weight... So, I decided to be open about my surgery, the risks, changes in diet and exercise... and yes, the loose flappy ski issues.... because people asked about that too.
I have a huge group of vocal friends that are very supportive, and I am thankful for them all.
This one friend however, went in to jerk mode. His loss.0 -
Better to find out.....
* I know a few people who have pacemakers - guess they are cheating, should have stronger heart
* I know a few people taking anti-depressants - guess they are cheating, weak minded
* I know a few people with false teeth - guess they are cheating, didn't brush and floss enough
* I know a few people who did invitro - guess they are cheating, didn't try hard enough
* I know a few people who had knee/hip replacement - guess they are cheating, should just limp on through
* I know a few people who color thier hair - guess they are cheating fakes, we should just go grey
I can go on, and, on ...... I freely tell people that I needed a first step to help me control my hunger and eating. I explain that the surgery simply limits my capacity to eat but that my weight loss and current appearance is the result of my hard work since the operation. Responses have been completely positive.
Thanks I needed this0 -
I agree completely! I haven't had anybody take that type of attitude with my face to face. Many people here on MFP think of it as cheating as well, but I really don't care. For anybody that has done the surgery, they know that it's simply a tool to help us change our lifestyle. We still have to put in the work. I now go to the gym and track, just like everybody else that struggles with weight. The surgery basically just gave me a reset button.
I really, really hate when people form opinions on subjects that they are so unfamiliar with. Good for you for not being his friend anymore. He doesn't deserve you!0 -
Better to find out.....
* I know a few people who have pacemakers - guess they are cheating, should have stronger heart
* I know a few people taking anti-depressants - guess they are cheating, weak minded
* I know a few people with false teeth - guess they are cheating, didn't brush and floss enough
* I know a few people who did invitro - guess they are cheating, didn't try hard enough
* I know a few people who had knee/hip replacement - guess they are cheating, should just limp on through
* I know a few people who color thier hair - guess they are cheating fakes, we should just go grey
I can go on, and, on ...... I freely tell people that I needed a first step to help me control my hunger and eating. I explain that the surgery simply limits my capacity to eat but that my weight loss and current appearance is the result of my hard work since the operation. Responses have been completely positive.
You are always so spot on with your responses Ronnie! I think we will all remember this!0 -
I felt that way once, but I have been overweight since I was six years old, and have no idea what it feels like to be appropriate weight. I also have type 2 Diabetes and wanted to get off the meds while I still had a chance of resolving it.
I had the gastric bypass on a few months ago and wish I had done it sooner. I feel like the surgery has helped me to focus more on nutrition and portion size because I HAVE to strictly control it. I am much more focused than ever, and foods that used to be impossible for me to resist are no longer such a problem- I might have a bite or two of a piece of cake, but I won't have the whole thing, and certainly not a second helping!
I have told a few people at work that I had the surgery, but for the most part I don't talk about it. There are definitely people at work who would react negatively if they knew I had the weight loss surgery. Even if someone had something negative to say, I'd still keep in mind that there are probably vices they struggle with that I don't. If necessary, I would remind them of that.
Ultimately, it's my life, weight loss is my issue, and the surgery is just one part of the equation that I use to work toward that goal.
Don't feel bad about distancing yourself from people who are negative- you need positive, supportive friends, not ones who bring you down.0 -
QFTBetter to find out.....
* I know a few people who have pacemakers - guess they are cheating, should have stronger heart
* I know a few people taking anti-depressants - guess they are cheating, weak minded
* I know a few people with false teeth - guess they are cheating, didn't brush and floss enough
* I know a few people who did invitro - guess they are cheating, didn't try hard enough
* I know a few people who had knee/hip replacement - guess they are cheating, should just limp on through
* I know a few people who color thier hair - guess they are cheating fakes, we should just go grey
I can go on, and, on ...... I freely tell people that I needed a first step to help me control my hunger and eating. I explain that the surgery simply limits my capacity to eat but that my weight loss and current appearance is the result of my hard work since the operation. Responses have been completely positive.
You are always so spot on with your responses Ronnie! I think we will all remember this!0 -
Better to find out.....
* I know a few people who have pacemakers - guess they are cheating, should have stronger heart
* I know a few people taking anti-depressants - guess they are cheating, weak minded
* I know a few people with false teeth - guess they are cheating, didn't brush and floss enough
* I know a few people who did invitro - guess they are cheating, didn't try hard enough
* I know a few people who had knee/hip replacement - guess they are cheating, should just limp on through
* I know a few people who color thier hair - guess they are cheating fakes, we should just go grey
I can go on, and, on ...... I freely tell people that I needed a first step to help me control my hunger and eating. I explain that the surgery simply limits my capacity to eat but that my weight loss and current appearance is the result of my hard work since the operation. Responses have been completely positive.
Absolutely right! I had one friend pre-surgery who was initially not positive. Her concern was that I would go through all this and not make the life long changes necessary to keep the weight off. Truth is, that's a valid concern, for all of us. Anyway, if anyone really feels I am taking the easy way out or cheating, they haven't said it to my face. I am very open about my surgery. Fact is, if I can help one person leave obeseity by being open and talking about what I've done and am doing, than dealing with a few haters is worth it.0 -
BUMPING For our new members! DJRonnieLINY hit this nail right on the head! :drinker:0
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I had a co-worker tell me that I would be "fat again within five years." Wow! He said that "statistics" show that there are very few people who lose weight and keep it off long-term. What a jerk! I have three years to go, but I will prove him wrong.
Thankfully, my family, friends and other co-workers are very supportive of my journey to good health. :happy:0 -
Bump for future reference. To the OP, you are better off knowing, thou his ego did probably have a lot to do with it! Good luck with your journey. Thanks for sharing.0
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My adult nephew told me I took the easy way out when I had surgery. It was very upsetting.
Overall my experience has been positive. However a coworker at my old job told me if I got into a size lower than an 8 she wouldn't talk to me...and I don't think she was kidding.
One thing that was annoying was everyone asking how much I had lost and then asking how much I weighed...I don't go around asking people how much they weigh! LOL!!
That was very mean what that "friend" said to you...no one understands food addiction unless they are experiencing it themselves.
:flowerforyou:0 -
However, the surgery doesn't get my butt out of bed every morning to get me to my 5 a.m. class, the surgery doesn't do food prep on Sundays to make sure that I have portion control, and the surgery certainly doesn't tell my brain to shut up and don't eat that bad food.
Awesome and inspiring Good job. 0 -
I haven't encountered this. However, I have pretty courteous friends and pretty definite boundaries, and I haven't shared that I've had surgery with everyone. All of my friends have noticed how my eating and exercise habits have changed in the last 2 years. I'm also 46 and have been married for nearly 20 years and my husband had RNY 2 months after I did. So, un-reciprocated advances aren't really an issue for me.
As far as the "easy way out." Look, surgery is a tool, nothing more. The bottom line is that weight loss is more calories out than in, whether you have surgery or not. Surgery forces you to change your eating and habits for a period of time. But it is by no means a "magic bullet" if you don't change those habits long term. If it were, no one would ever regain weight post op and nearly 50% of people do to some degree. My SIL had RNY 10 years ago and has regained a significant amount of weight, largely because she snacks to deal with stress, bakes as a hobby (though I've had to "lay down the law about dumping her baked goods at my house "for the kids" - she's 53 and has no kids and a husband who's trying to lose weight and she bakes cookies twice a week to amuse herself), and she doesn't exercise because she "doesn't like exercise" (no one does at 1st, but if you're consistent and stick it out that changes.) I'm 2 years out from surgery and down 180lbs and I still have to track my food and calories and I work out A LOT (still trying to drop the last 35lbs).0 -
I have been very open about my weight loss journey from the beginning. In June 2013 I began with diet and exercise... through my surgery date I had lost around 80 pounds... since surgery 2/20 I have lost about 29 more.
I have had many folks be supportive and wish me well. Some of the folks that have been vocal in support have surprised me, but the surprise was more for the folks that were "friends" that were Nay sayers.... I didn't let that bother me and kept trucking.
This past week however, a male friend of 9 years, really unleashed pure nastiness that I would have never expected. I won't post what he said, but the gist of it was that my surgery was cheating. I am weak for not being able to lose weight without surgery and that if I had surgery to remove the excess skin and reshape that I would then be "Fake",,,,,,,,,, Ummmmmmmm wow.
Needless to say we are no longer friends... I mentioned this to a friend of mine or 2 that have had surgery also years ago and they told me that this is common. people feel threatened by positive change I guess.
Just wondering, have any of you guys experienced back lash? Is it common?
I'm sorry you've gone through this with your 'friend.' While I have not had such a direct assault from my friends I have had a couple share their concerns and even their points of view. One in particular said much the same as your friend (only much nicer). I listened and heard everything she had to say. Then I took the time to educate her on my bariatric choice as well as what brought me to this decision. She has also struggled with her weight so I was able to use her own struggle as a reference point. She listened and admitted that she really didn't understand my choice. We have agreed to let it go at that point. She is one of my dearest friends and remains so. I've lost 47 to date and she has been a great encouragement.
I truly believe most people don't understand the choice any of us make to have bariatric surgery. Your friend's comment about your surgery amounting to 'cheating' assume you took a short cut, and just shows is lack of education. Anyone who's had bariatric surgery knows this is not the easy way out! This is hard. Sometimes it's frustrating to be full so quickly. And going through all we've gone through to get where we are is NOT the easy way out.
You keep your head held high and your efforts moving forward. Take the time to educate your friends and family.0 -
PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE... I love this author - she is such an inspiration for all of us in this group. I really wish you could share it with that 'male friend (???)' - this would open his eyes - if not his brain!
((scroll down a little after opening) http://wlsjourney.org/community-forums/general-bariatrics/wls-article-depository/1265-bariatric-surgery-cheaters.html
:flowerforyou:
Christine
Thanks for posting this article. What a great read!0 -
I know a few people exactly like that! One them gets SO mad because I refuse to post my surgery details on Facebook.........I have MFP for that---and it is NOT anyone's business. Anyway, even though I work out six days a week (kickboxing and strength training), this person still comments to others that I'm cheating and that the surgery was essentially a 'magic pill'. For these individuals, they fail to realize that the surgery will ONLY work if you use it as the tool that it is. I still have to exercise, I still have to watch what I eat, I still have to log my food and make sure I am on track. I am almost 2 years post op---and the surgery helped get me started. However, the surgery doesn't get my butt out of bed every morning to get me to my 5 a.m. class, the surgery doesn't do food prep on Sundays to make sure that I have portion control, and the surgery certainly doesn't tell my brain to shut up and don't eat that bad food.
Individuals that cannot be supportive are truly not your friend anyway. They are jealous because they know that they need to make better health decisions in their lives and refuse to do so. Just keep doing the work for YOU--that is all that matters
AMEN! And congrats on your weight loss.0 -
PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE... I love this author - she is such an inspiration for all of us in this group. I really wish you could share it with that 'male friend (???)' - this would open his eyes - if not his brain!
((scroll down a little after opening) http://wlsjourney.org/community-forums/general-bariatrics/wls-article-depository/1265-bariatric-surgery-cheaters.html
:flowerforyou:
Christine
Thanks for sharing the article! It was awesome!0 -
Thanks for sharing the article! 0
