I suppose it's all in the details, ha ha! Well, hopefully you won't be discouraged to try the kind of riding because the stable owner looks down on it. That would be a shame. In every sport there can be a bit of elitism, as in "If you don't do it my/our way you're wrong".

Just look at MFP and the debates about sugar, eating clean, low carb, IF, IIFYM, etc.!

I hope you find something good that works for you both. It's so nice to see couples doing activities together!

@Nerdy: I never thought to ask. I suppose I could try it, tho I'm a bit worried that since it's a friend of the GF she'll be offended and make the whole thing awkward. If it wasn't a friend I wouldn't even care about it - it would be a purely business transaction. But since it's a friend, that makes it a bit more awkward if that makes sense.

It's been a bit of a steep learning curve since I'm trying to learn it all at once. The boy I bought has only ever used a Hackamore - the lady said the one time they tried a bit on him he was REALLY nasty about it. But Cowboy Dressage (CD) doesn't allow a mechanical hack - they'll allow a Bosal and one other (not sure what it was called). So I'm looking up Hacks, Bosals, bitless bridles (not allowed), side pulls and all of this stuff and trying to wrap my mind around things and learn it all in the space of a few days so i know what to buy or not to buy. *laugh* I've got plenty of time, I know. But it's like me to throw myself in head first!

Its super normal, around here anyway, to bring in an outside trainer. We have 2 wonderful trainers at our barn - but people often bring in "clinitians" or "higher level trainers" to teach - there's actually a multitude of trainers who consider themselves free lance and go from barn to barn teaching - professionally, she really should NOT get offended by this. If nothing else you are bettering yourself, as well as basically giving the barn advertising by bringing someone else in. A good trainer will appreciate this - and take the oportunity to watch someone else teach his/her students and use it as a learning experience. IMO. You are basically supplementing your own education and using whatever tools necessary to reach your goals - how could anyone be upset by this?

I wouldn't worry about not being able to compete in a hackamore - when's your first rated competition? Because until then, it shouldnt matter - they generally allow anything at schooling shows. Slow and steady...one thing at a time here... Bosals are great, I like them - but they are $$. If he was really nasty about the bit I would say - well - thats completely uneceptable. There's no reason for a horse to be nasty about a bit - have his teeth been floated in the last 6 months? What kind of bit were hey using? Did whoever was riding him know HOW to use a bit? Did he have harsh hands? There are a multitude of questions.... but, IMO, a horse should accept (resistance at first is fine) any training tool, bit, different saddle, whatever, you ask him to work with - it's part of the partnership you guys are going to build... I mean, do you really want to ride a horse that has certain thigs you "cant do because he freaks out" (not saying thats your horse, just generalizing things I hear). Absolutnely not - this is not safe for horse or rider! OK, I just went on a tangent and see myself going dow na road...turning around!

I bet you can still learn ALOT from this western dressage trainer - especially if you are green. Proper basics of dressage is great for ANY horse - it certainly isnt going to hurt. You can use an outside trainer to refine your cowboy dressage skills - just remember...you have to graduate kindergarden before you move up to first grade...right?

And as far as trail rides and such - I bet you and your GF can enjoy some of those together! Quality peaceful time out on the trails....ahhhhhh.....

Some clarifications might be in order. CD is something that I'm curious about and am thinking about working towards. It isn't something that I'm planning on diving into right away. For now, the GF's friend is training me in basic riding - start, stop, steer, posting, and all that fun stuff. The idea for now is to get me to a point where I can handle anything that happens on a trail without losing control of the horse. The CD stuff is more with an eye to the future. They talk about soft hands and building a tighter bond with the horse, and I like that thought.

"If he was really nasty about the bit I would say - well - thats completely uneceptable. There's no reason for a horse to be nasty about a bit - have his teeth been floated in the last 6 months?"

I know he has within the last year, not sure about the last 6 month. The bit thing happened when he was younger and he was being trained up. (Incidentally, he was used for several years in a Women of the Wild West show. He enjoys crowds, loves attention, seems pretty bombproof, and even knows a few tricks). As for completely unacceptable.... sorry to be blunt, but from everything I read, that isn't a universally accepted viewpoint. There are a lot of people who feel that bits are inherently cruel and unnecessary - that being why things like hacks, and side-pulls and bosals sell. I'll grant you that it's more of a philosophical difference, and I'm not meaning to be a jerk about it. But in some ways it seems to me that it would be just as uncomfortable as using a ball gag would be for a person.

Anyway, hope that wasn't too argumentative. I'm new to the sport/hobby/lifestyle, but I suppose that doesn't stop me from having my own opinion about things.

Certainly not! A lot of people chose not to use bits... some because they don't like them...some because they find them cruel ... if you are interested Dr. Cook (Dr. Cooks bitless bridle) has a web site that explains the "pain / pressure" caused by bits - you might find it interesting! I guess I was more saying, again, IMO, that I wouldn't get on my horse if I thought she was going to be nasty about everything - holding a bit in her mouth doesnt hurt - if I catch her in the face - it does - if it's a pain responce, I would assume either I was being bad with my hands, or something's going on in her mouth - and I would investigate. As far as the bit being uncomfortable - I really don't know - but, she's not allowed to be "nasty" about anything - those reactions get her one thing and one thing only - ground work! (where I huff and puff equaly is hard so Im not sure who is actually winning here...).

I would say just have fun!! You are just starting - who knows where you will be in a year - you might have your eye on CD now but what if one day you accidentaly go over a log out in the woods and then youre like OMG I WANT TO EVENT! Just keep learning, reading, looking into different activities and trying new things. There's also something to be said for the fact that sometimes we have to change our goals based on our horse's capabilities. I wanet...errr wanted to do the hunters. My horse... not a hunter. And i can't afford 100K to spend on something that *might* get placed in a class out of 75 in a highly judgemental class.... so... Im just having fun with her doing what she can do. Meh, i wouldn't trade her for the world (even though she is the most high maintenance thing i have ever met in my life and Ive probbaly spent 8 grand in vet bills already this year alone...)

Side note: I have a friend whos a novice rider whos been in a panik for the last year about what she wants to do (this girl is anxiety ridden....) She came from an eventing barn, shes leasing a dressage horse that doesnt jump, but she misses jumping but doesnt think she wants to do the hunters and omg shes freaking out! I keep telling her - why do you have to decide? Its not like youre competing at a high level here, basically you can try them all at a low level... and take as much time as you want to figure out what you like. ......... You have plenty of time to find your 'grove" with your horse.

And if you get tack / equipment you dont like or dont end up needing... you can always sell it! Buuuuuut i think if you look in your GFs car / closet / tack trunk you may find that we, as horse people, cannot possibly have too many or too much of any piece of horse equipment, even if its totally unrelated o our disicpline, 5 sizes to small, half broken, etc, etc

I need my husband to drink whatever Kool-Aid your girlfriend gave you. Dear god, sir. You went riding with her and then bought a horse and now want to talk about tack?

I feel a little faint...

+1

I need my husband to drink whatever Kool-Aid your girlfriend gave you. Dear god, sir. You went riding with her and then bought a horse and now want to talk about tack?

I feel a little faint...

Part of me loves it, but another part would be annoyed that he was cutting in on my "Me" time.

I ride English now (hunt seat), but I grew up riding Western pleasure and loved it.

In all seriousness, though, you wanted advice, so here's mine: You sound like you're doing your reading/research, giving GF her space, and doing your own thing. The only thing I can add to this is hours in the saddle. Hours and hours and hours in the saddle. Time and patience will build the experience that books and videos can't teach. And the books and videos help you grow as a rider, as well as help you analyze what went wrong whenever the horse apples hit the fan, so to speak.

You sound awesome, cowboy. Carry on. :drinker:

Good on you for catching the horse bug! My beloved has also become addicted in the last couple of years - he hoons around on my 30 year old Welsh Mountain pony, they're quite the pair of troublemakers... Now he's looking at horse ads online, considering tentpegging - there's no stopping him! Bloody men - he rides bareback in a halter, he's probably got a better seat than I do, and I've been riding since I was 6! Anyhoo...

First of all - I'd start by just learning the basics from whoever. Western or English, the basics are pretty much the same at heart. As long as you have a decent instructor, soak up what you can. Then if you want to specialise, you have a better base level of skill to work from.

Second, the bit thing... bitted or bitless, a bad rider can do horrendous damage to a horse. Bitted or bitless, good hands are kind hands, and do no damage. Some bits are horrendous - English and Western. I ride in a French-link snaffle, a very soft bit. My TB is a massive princess, and if something is uncomfortable, he tells me. He works beautifully in this bit. I also ride in a rope halter sometimes. If you do your research, and experiment, and the horse has no tooth issues, old injuries or conformational issues, you should find he can work in a bit. This is an Aussie lady who knows her bits http://www.bitbankaustralia.com.au/ - she gives great advice!

Thirdly - I think the most important aspect of learning to ride is having fun. Lessons are great for skill development, but just mucking around gives you confidence and hours in the saddle.

Oh yes, definitely learn the One Rein Stop. The best tool in any rider's toolbox, n00bs or experts!

Buck Brannaman is great. Warwick Schiller also posts a lot of free vids, he's very down to earth, no nonsense and practical.

And never, ever think you know everything. There's always more to learn.

Welcome to the best insanity I know