Disappearing Man
Jewels233
Posts: 9 Member
Please some advice here. Note I do not have sex with men until minimum of 4 weeks...just my style.
Met this guy, we were in a situation where spent the night together...no sexual activity. The connection was crazy.
He calls me everyday...7 days later we go out and spend 3 nights together no sexual activity. Mentions several times he never calls girls right off the bat nor has he ever slept with a women for 3 nights right off the bat like this. I really do believe him.
Calls next day says he had a great time and can not wait to do it again.
1-2 days no call text him hey whats up....nothing. He just changed phones...yes for real so I thought maybe that was it. Text him again...he is cold. Then gone entirely.
I swear I know game. This guy was respectful and made it clear nothing would happen unless I wanted to. Was kind, not pushy and honest. What the heck is this? Really confused?
Met this guy, we were in a situation where spent the night together...no sexual activity. The connection was crazy.
He calls me everyday...7 days later we go out and spend 3 nights together no sexual activity. Mentions several times he never calls girls right off the bat nor has he ever slept with a women for 3 nights right off the bat like this. I really do believe him.
Calls next day says he had a great time and can not wait to do it again.
1-2 days no call text him hey whats up....nothing. He just changed phones...yes for real so I thought maybe that was it. Text him again...he is cold. Then gone entirely.
I swear I know game. This guy was respectful and made it clear nothing would happen unless I wanted to. Was kind, not pushy and honest. What the heck is this? Really confused?
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My friend had this happen to her. Met a guy, they dated for a few weeks, and then he disappeared. Stop answering calls and texts, when she went to his house his parents told her he wasn't home, etc. Later he reappeared and said that he was "scared" of their connection.
Vomit.
Basically, you don't want this guy if he's a jerk to just randomly leave without saying goodbye or ending things.0 -
Did you tell him of your no sex for at least 4 weeks policy? I don't push anyone to have sex if they aren't comfortable but if we have numerous sleepovers without sex I assume the gal isn't interested in sex or at least not interested in sex with me and I look for someone who is more sexually compatible.0
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dbrightwell12...Did not blatantly say it but did tell him I did not have a bunch of men. Once I go there I stay there and have long term relationships. Obviously we were not at a point for a relationship.
Truly I have always done this and most if not all men keep coming back and usually are even more interested. This is a first.
Mind you we only knew each other 10 days and actually only had one date...it just lasted 3 days.0 -
I'm not sure what to tell you. I've been one of those guys who waited for sex because the gal wasn't comfortable having sex until she was sure it would be a long term relationship. In every instance where this happened, she wasn't really comfortable having sex even after that point. I felt miserable in the relationship and eventually moved on. I've learned from my mistakes. Mabe this guy just has more life/dating experience than the previous guys.
You said you told him you didn't have a bunch of men. Maybe the previous men constitute too small a sample to infer that what's worked in the past is anything more than an improbable outcome. Either way, he seems to be gone and I don't imagine you will or even should change your approach.0 -
Crazy. Finally texted me and said he was sorry that he had been out of town and he is heading out of town again tomorrow. I will give it a few days and say hay back.
My guess is there is some truth in what he said. However, he took his hunger elsewhere and wants to keep me in the loop. Mind you what he does with his hunger is none of my business at this point so have at it. Disappearing for 5 days after texting and calling most everyday...I am not digging this...he has now been demoted to the rest of the pot and will simply be part of the rotation.
Consistency wins the race. Doubt this man will ever have the opportunity to slide into my bed again for any reason...snuggling or other.0 -
I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you would go on a date that lasts for three nights, sleeping in the same bed and snuggling, all while denying him sex. I completely support saying no when you don't want to have sex, but don't you think that is a bit cruel? Yes, it is important for him to exhibit self-control, but I think that there is a line. If you don't want to have sex with someone for at least four weeks then don't spend the night (or nights) with him and get upset when he goes elsewhere to get sex.0
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I'd say that men disappear because they can't cope with the situation and have different priorities. I think they appear again when they've figured it out. Or not, as the case may be! :flowerforyou:0
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I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you would go on a date that lasts for three nights, sleeping in the same bed and snuggling, all while denying him sex. I completely support saying no when you don't want to have sex, but don't you think that is a bit cruel? Yes, it is important for him to exhibit self-control, but I think that there is a line. If you don't want to have sex with someone for at least four weeks then don't spend the night (or nights) with him and get upset when he goes elsewhere to get sex.
this...
OP is kind of a tease. i'm not surprised to hear he's blowing you off because you're kind giving off mixed signals0 -
You knew each other for 10 days, had one date that lasted 3 days, and he didn't communicate for 5 days after that?
While I understand where you're coming from, I don't agree. He is an adult and chose to sleep in the same bed with you without sex, so i don't think you are a tease either..... he could have chosen not to do that. but, the pulling away is VERY NORMAL! especially when you haven't known each other long, and had a period of closeness, and are NOT at that point yet where you are defined.
I say, give him a break, respond to him kindly. see him again if you like him! Don't write him off because of this :-) that's just my opinion though.0 -
I've had the same thing. Was seeing a guy for about 2 months. No sex. Not even a kiss from him. Yet he called/texted every day. I also called so it wasn't just him initiating. Then all of a sudden a few weeks ago, POOF. Gone. No explanation. We were supposed to hang out on a Thurs. He said he might have his son (completely understandable) and that he would call me back and let me know. Still nothing...then he sent me a picture of himself that Saturday (2 days later) dressed for 4th of July before he went out...I'd say a selfie but someone else took it...that's it. No "Sorry I didn't get back to you" or "Hey what's up?"
Nothing except the picture of himself. I didn't respond...haven't heard from him since.
It's mind boggling. I just let it go. If he wanted to keep whatever we had going, he would have. I don't see the point in asking these guys "why". It doesn't matter to me. So they can either lie (dog died/bit someone/grandmom in hospital/"too busy"??/"OUT OF TOWN"? You're out of town. Not in outer space with no cell phone...) or say they're "not ready for commitment" yet they have a dating profile that says "wants a relationship"?
I'm done with the whole scene actually. I don't understand it nor do I even attempt to. I'm too old for that crap.0 -
If he is that ready to POOF with no explanations, let it be. You don't want a relationship with somebody like that because that is who they will be forevermore. INTENSE then POOF. Apologizing then intense again and then poof. You don't need that kind of idiocy.
If you're in for the long game, don't play at short games. Don't invite temptation with that kind of intimate contact. It is a tease. If you don't have sexual needs then don't initiate sexual situations. Cuddling and such is super awesome but you have to know when to draw the line and just go home. I know what it is like to want but be hesitant to go further. Decide what you need and stick to behaviors that allow you what you need but don't give the other person the wrong idea about where things are going.0 -
Sleepovers with no sexual activity?? No kissing, fondling, anything???
I don't have sex until I'm in an exclusive relationship myself... Usually around 2 months so I understand the waiting part. But I wouldn't spend the night with someone (especially 3 nights) without anything! Unless I just don't want the guy at all.
Just seems odd to me. Plus too much going on in such a little amount of time. This is the time for butterflies, calls, dates, etc... Not 3 night sleepovers. Maybe your actions and words aren't looking consistent to him.0
