Hi everyone, I'm new here and thought I should introduce myself. My name is Deanna (my friends just call me Dee). I live in the suburbs of St. Louis in a town called Maryland Heights. I live with my significant other, Michael, and my 16 year old son, Cody. With the exception of four years of college, I have lived in the St. Louis area all my life. I have been overweight since around the age of 9 when my uncle began molesting me. My mother put me in weight watchers for the first time at the age of 13 (we had to lie about my age since I was supposed to be 18). It has been a constant battle, up and down, with every passing diet. I never really dated until I dated the father of my son. When he proposed, I accepted thinking that he was probably my only shot at marriage (I know, great reason to get married, right). When I got married, I weighed in the neighborhood of 275. Two years after I got married my father died and my husband did a 180 degree change. He had always been slightly possessive but this was out of control. He was very mentally/emotionally and sexually abusive and occasionally physically abusive. I was ready to leave when I ended up pregnant. Thinking that maybe a baby would make things better (I know now...stupid thinking), I stayed. If anything a baby made things worse. He was actually jealous of our son! God forbid, taking care of a helpless baby took me away from taking care of a grown man. Over the years my weight climbed, making me even more recluse than just the abuse did. I never let Cody out of my sight for one minute because of the abuse that my ex put him through. When Cody was five, my ex was arrested for pulling a shotgun on the tow truck operator who was repossessing our vehicle and was arrested. That was the out I was looking for. He had often threatened that if I tried to leave he would kill Cody and I so with him in jail, we left. By this time, I had ballooned all the way up to 500 pounds. A little over two years later, right after Cody's 8th birthday, still weighing 500 pounds, my doctor told me if I didn't do something drastic I wouldn't see Cody's 10th birthday. This was not an option as there was no way in hell my ex was getting custody of my son. My doctor referred me to a gastric bypass surgeon and on April 4, 2006, my life changed forever when I had my RNY. For the next two years the weight seemed to just fall off and I got all the way down to 250. I was feeling good and started going out with friends and men started paying attention to me. Most people would think, great! Not me, unfortunately. It scared the living hell out of me. It brought back horrible memories and thoughts that I had never dealt with. Unfortunately they had only operated on my stomach and not my head. Since I had never dealt with the abuse and the food addiction/emotional eating that resulted, I ran back to what I knew........food. Over the next year, I managed to gain 120 pounds taking me back up to 370. I'm not sure what exactly made me put a halt to the gaining but I did. I went back to my gastric bypass support group and started following the rules again. The weight is much harder to lose this time. In 2009, I met Michael. He has been very supportive of all of my issues. Therapy and my support group are also very helpful. I'm learning to put the abuse in the past, love myself for who I am and control my eating. It's not easy (actually some days it's a downright battle) but I'm doing it. I'm even learning how to accept that I'm not perfect and I do slip up at times and there's no reason to turn one bad choice into an entire day's worth of bad choices. I've finally gotten back under 300. I really have no absolute end goal (though I would love to see onederland some day), I figure I'll know my goal when I get there. Right now I'm taking it 50 pounds at a time. Sorry, I kinda turned this into a novel and if you've made it all the way through, I thank you for reading my story. I look forward to giving and getting support and making new friends!