Self-Shame
3athlt
Posts: 131 Member
I was wondering if anyone else has a problem with shame. I'm SO ashamed of my body that I refuse to walk in the neighborhood. I can only imagine what my neighbors think. Just a few years back, I was always cycling or running in the neighborhood - now look at me... Even though I enjoy the summer SO much, I'm doing all my walking indoors on the treadmill. And FYI, I don't currently have a car. The soon-to-be ex-wife got the only vehicle we had, so driving to a park to walk isn't an option. I know it's absolutely silly to be ashamed of my body, but this is where I'm mentally at. Is anyone else so ashamed of theirself that it's having this kind of effect?
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Hey M,
Hmmm I certainly am ashamed of my body. I refuse to wear fitted clothes... and im always in hats etc to try and cover up as muvh as possible. Short sleeves arnt even considered an option. As for walking outside, I too dont have a car but am also without a treadmill. So if im going to exercise and I need food, I do it as a walk to the supermarket. Then carrying to food back I do it as weights. But I think the time im most ashamed is having to go buy clothes. I mean im 26 and the last time I took someone to gi clothes shopping and I actuallt showed them how I looked I was 16. Now I run in, buy a few sizes too big, and don't even try on and leave again. Thats probably my most shameful time. Oh, and I hate hate hate eating infront of people. It took me a good few months before I could eat infront of my bf. Its just so hard sometimes having all these hard thoughts of criticism as well as the perceived judgments from other people. As well as the real judgments.
Dunno if that helps? But also I used to feel horrible when I exercised outside but again I wear massive clothes on massive me, so im hidden.0 -
Am trying to get back on track again have been off this site for about 9 months and my weight is 8 lbs more than when I first began. The guilt and shame is such a cycle, I eat because of my shame and in response become more shameful. I have just joined this site today and am hoping I can make the changes I need to get healthier and feel good about myself. I am hoping to find a group that will be supportive but also keep me accountable. Thanks for listening.0
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Eviebee, I know what you mean about clothes shopping. The last time I tried to find a pair of shorts, I had to go to 3 different stores to get something in my size. It's sucks you have a problem eating in front of people, but hopefully that will get better in time.
Allensachers, I'm sorry to hear about that. You just accepted my friend request and I'll be in contact with you later on tonight.
To everyone, on my bike ride today I ran into my old training partner from YEARS ago. I think the only way he recognized me was by my bike. When he did realize it was me, his eyes bugged out of his head and his draw dropped. The funny thing is it didn't bother me whatsoever. This guy is a hardcore, fitness NUT. I don't think I've ever him criticize anyone who's trying, no matter how big they are. I didn't have time to speak to him. 1) I was going up a slight hill and I was breathing a little heavy. 2) I just didn't want to stop riding. I know he wasn't offended because he's a serious triathlete and he knows that sometimes it just doesn't make sense to stop and chit-chat when you have more miles planned to bust through. I think I'll get in contact with him (I haven't spoke to him in more than 7 years) and catch up. I'm just surprised that even though he was obviously shocked at my girth, that it really didn't bother me.0 -
M: I am always ashamed of being so big. My husband and his family accept me more then my family ever did. But I sometimes look in the mirror and can hear my dad telling me how disgusting I was, and I should just do everyone a favor and take my disgusting body where no one would ever have to look at me. I hate the mirror, because I can then see everything that is wrong, and I think that sometimes we are our worst critics. But, you are getting more healthy, and that is what counts. Just do not, PLEASE, go from one extreme to another, for that is not good either. Good job for your bike ride. I am glad that you were able to run into your friend, because maybe having him there to push you, to motivate you. (Maybe ride with you) would be awesome. I hope that you are able to connect with him and that he is a good influence for you.
Evie: I totally know what you mean about clothes buying, I actually try to avoid it because I am so embarrassed. I used to wear bigger clothes then I was all the time. But that can be bad and good, bad in the sense it does not help your self confidence. Which is something that I struggle with, we have to be able to say you know what I am beautiful, and what people think does not matter, because I still have people that care. If people want to criticize then they have their own insecurities. You are gorgeous the way you are, but by being healthy you are helping your body feel better. Beauty sweety is found within, not from the outside.
Keep smiling, and you will get where you want to be
Allensachers: Welcome, and I wish you good luck, we are very positive and take it very serious. Glad you joined our group, and I wish you great luck on your journey. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. We are all after the same goal, being healthy.0 -
Hey v,
Trying to think of myself at gorgeous in and out...
Dont feel like that at all. I feel ugly and gross like I should be hidden from the world.
I dont think it helps that my mother the alcoholic who had a gastric bypass thingy
And always struggled with her weight. She took the easier way to do it but wasnt commited
To her weigbt lose and started to eat unhealthy within a few weeks of having the op.
She never really modeled any self control or healthy habits for me. So I sorta gotta learn
This on my own. Which maybe could be a good thing. As for her old other half he was cruel
To me about my weight. Never supportive. Pushed and pushrd me to be thin. Made me
Wanna not do it cause I hate him. Which is hard. Thats enough about that.
But v, I totally get the being told ur not good enough because of ur weight thing.
Talk to me anytime u want ill be here 0 -
Evie: Thanks hun!! I appreciate all the support you have given to me. I hope that I am able to help you too.. and I am always here for you. I am sorry that you didn't get the support that you needed before; hopefully that is changing. I always feel gross and nasty, I am a work in progress. There will always be better days, and worse days. I need to be pushed sometimes, but a certain kind of pushing, you know? Keep it up, your doing awesome
V.0 -
Yes.... I am embarrassed by my body..... I hide it in baggy clothing in "dull colors" .....it is like I am hoping people will not notice me, if I blend in with the background.... blue, black and gray are my best friends..... I have lost a bunch, but when I look int he mirror I still see the 271 lbs person.... I am working on changing that.....
I think you, should be out there walking in the neighborhood. That is one thing I have always done. My "skinny" hubby always comments on heavy people out exercising ... it usually goes something like this: " Good on him. He is doing something about his weight. I wish all my overweight soldiers would be out there too".....: yes, do not let the embarrassment slow you down. Be proud that you are doing something about it.0 -
I get the dull colours thing too... I wear black grey and brown mostly. Hate bright colours or light colours. Feel it shows off my weight more. And that makes me feel awesome. Ive lost around 30 pounds 15.6kgs but feel just as gross today as I always have. Just feel like im not worthy or even deserve anything today. Want to pig out on chocolate but know I will feel worse after and esp tomorrow I feel even worse after a bad day of eating.
Moor, I like ur hubbys comments. Very inspiring that thinner peiple can say stuff like that! Thank u for sharing 0
