Yelled at Child..Feel Awful!!
skjones0323
Posts: 53 Member
My child has been very difficult to handle for me this summer. I spent the weekend with my aunt and my uncle (part of the time) and boy, she shaped right up under their direction. I feel like a complete failure (I know this is an over generalization) as a parent. I was just going to do my exercise when she ran off with the case to my Zumba WI program, refused verbally to give it back and slammed and locked her door. She is 7 years old. I screamed at her (in front of my recently acquired step-children (in their 20s) and spanked her and told her to stay there and clean up her room. Now I feel like eating a couple of boxes of cookies (not in the house, thankfully). I did complete the Zumba dances even though I felt like going and hiding in my room. I guess I'll take a shower now. I feel like complete crap. Meh!! :mad: :sad:
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Replies
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Hey, we all have our moments we wish we had not said or did something, we are human. Your body thinks it is dying, you have acitivated your flight or fight response and your body is conditioned to seek out what it thinks it needs to survive, food. This is what you are working to change, you don't need unhealthy food to survive. This is a lie your brain is trying to get you to believe. Life is full of ups and downs, and children most definitely don't come with perfect instruction manuals. You are doing good by going to work out, you have proved you can DO something different despite the way you are feeling. Problems, conflicts happen, that does not mean you have to stop eating healthy, you don't need a box of cookies, you need to focus on the positives and let go of what you can't control;0
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You are in good company. Parents all over the country are at the end of their summer rope and the sooner these kids go back to school, the better things will be.
Kids always behave better for others. They like to push the boundaries on their parents.
After yelling at my kids, I feel really wired, like my heart is racing and I feel like exploding. This plus embarrassment if anyone saw me and the guilt because I know I haven't parented in a way I wanted to. Its a bad emotional space to be in, and I feel an extreme desire for food or alcohol to calm it all down. So I understand the need. I haven't found anything else to sooth it yet, but I have been working on strategies not to get to that point in the first place.
I setup a punishment chart for my kids a few months ago. Reward charts were a joke. Everyone likes positive reinforcement, and I've done that but things were unwinding fast over here, so I did the reverse. Each time there was a major infraction, they got a big x. After 10 x's, I promised to keep them in their room for the whole day with no toys.
After 2 x's, everyone was afraid and on awesome behavior. I didn't have to yell anymore. I recommend it. Mine are 6 and 7 and are a handful.0 -
Don't be too hard on yourself, I have been there many times. It's very difficult to be under so much personal stress due to weight, health, etc... and then deal with the stress at a job or at home. I don't know if this will help or not, but this is what I would do in that same situation. Once everything cooled down I would have gone and talked to my child, apologized for yelling and tried to explain why I did it even though it was wrong. I would try and let the child know that parents and children behave badly sometimes but that it doesn't make it right for either one. It may not help your daughter behave better, but it definitely helps your pysche to be able to get it off your chest, at least it did a little bit for me. Guilt is a terrible thing. I also think that you should look at a couple of things that you did well...1. No cookies in the house! 2. You worked out even though you didn't want to! Keep your spirits up and take it a day at a time! I'm here for you if you need to vent!0
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I have had moments like that between my 2 boys who are 7 and 10. If it's one of those moments where I believe my actions were not appropriate to the situation, I apologize. We can't be above taking that action ourselves with our children. Keeping in mind that I also explain what they did was wrong, but my actions were out of frustration and anger and were not ok either. I also explain what "should have" transpired so they know what they did wasn't ok either. It's important to talk after you decompress.0
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Girl, been there! It can be really frustrating when you're wearing many hats. Hang in there...you're doing the right thing by sharing your story. We need to keep each other lifted up...the weight struggle is real:-)0
