Feeling Your Feelings Instead of Eating Them

Options
Hi, I'm new here. I just joined MFP yesterday and feel really positive about it, but know already (from many failed attempts at getting healthy in the past) that my biggest cross to bear, largest stumbling block, worst enemy, etc. is my own attitude towards food. I have eaten good, healthy things yesterday and today, but I know that's the easy part for me - I don't have trouble sticking to a routine... UNTIL I start to feel anything I don't like or don't want to feel. And I do mean anything... Stress, sadness, worry/anxiety all come to mind.

So my question to you veterans, you who have had success, and you who are also just starting out like me, how do you deal with your emotions in a head on way? Especially when they're uncomfortable?

I had one small win yesterday; I had a long day of data analysis at work that left me feeling brain dead and generally sluggish... The first thing I did when I got home was pick up a piece of cake. I took a bite of it and then said out loud, with my mouth full (I'm such a lady... ha), "Why am I even eating this? The cake won't make it better!" and that felt like a turning point, but it also felt weird.

Am I the craziest person in the world? Sometimes I just wish I could act "normal" around food and use it for sustenance instead of an emotion-blocker. How did you guys get there? What helps? What hurts?

Any and all feedback will be much appreciated. Thanks in advance, friends. :)

Replies

  • Fit_Mama84
    Fit_Mama84 Posts: 234 Member
    Options
    I think you are already on the right track. I find distraction is helpful. But it works best when you do something enjoyable. If you distract yourself with a chore you need to do, it will not be nearly as effective. I also found calling someone just to chat for a while and boost your mood enough to lessen the desire for emotional eating. I've also used a nice hot bath or shower (occasionally while singing) or a walk or just spending time outside in the sun. Maybe read a good book you can really get lost in. Anything like that, I find helpful.
  • skjones0323
    skjones0323 Posts: 53 Member
    Options
    First of all I just want to say....wow...you have a lot of insight for being as young as you are. I wish I had had that kind of insight at your age and then maybe I wouldn't be here 30+ years down the road from you still battling the same demons. Today I had an incident in which I yelled at my daughter and then felt badly about it. I felt like consuming two boxes of cookies which luckily were not in the house. I also felt like just going to hide in my room because I acted this way in front of my two 20 something recently acquired step children, so I felt like a real jerk. However, I was just about ready to do some Zumba with the Wi so I just sucked it up and did my exercise, did a few other chores and by that time I had settled down, she had settled down and was behaving much more nicely and then we played together for a long while and ended up having a decent afternoon. I am trying to learn that feelings are just feelings and that they will pass, no matter how stressed or cruddy I'm feeling and what you said when you went to eat the cake is absolutely correct....food won't help. There are some women who wrote a book about mindfulness as applied to eating issues and I have found those concepts helpful. It involves being aware of hunger signals, signals you're full, accepting feelings and not acting out on them and so forth. I'll see if I can find a link to the book.
  • Veggie_mama
    Veggie_mama Posts: 77 Member
    Options
    You are very in touch with things and that is awesome. I've been in denial for years and I still find myself seeking solace in food sometimes. I usually am able to avoid temptation. You have come to the right place for support and love. May your journey be successful. May you be safe, may you be healthy and may you be happy. Namaste!:flowerforyou:
  • alice_schmalice
    alice_schmalice Posts: 283 Member
    Options
    I'm working on self soothing without using food.
    I think that eating is a comfort - it creates delicious sensations in the body.
    So I look for other things to soothe the physical "energy" I feel when I'm emotional.
    (Usually anxiety for me)

    Hot showers, drinking hot cocoa (instead of a bag of chocolate candy or a cake), progressive muscle relaxation, have one of my kids scratch my back, cuddle with one of my kids, and exercise has been a true savior... I sometimes start walking and don't want to stop...
  • babbyb1
    babbyb1 Posts: 66 Member
    Options
    I am new here, as well. I am using this as a learning opportunity. I just know that if I continue to do what I do and expect a different result, that is INSANITY.

    I am looking for friends going through the same thing.
  • branbuds
    branbuds Posts: 624 Member
    Options
    When I experience a trigger to emotionally eat, I ask myself "What am I trying not to feel?". I talk out loud to myself, if I am alone, and ask myself what emotion am I trying to avoid. Why do I feel that emotion. Why is that feeling something that is triggering me to want to eat etc. And feelings are just feelings. Eating something will only delay the emotion. And then it also adds the self-loathing I experience after eating something that I shouldn't have.

    This is a learning process. I hope by asking myself those questions, that I will learn more about myself and my emotions. I hope that, over time, this behavior will become automatic.
  • big_soul
    big_soul Posts: 13
    Options
    Oh my goodness, thank you, thank you, thank you one and all!! How wonderful to have such incredible responses. I love the suggestions about what to do to self-soothe without food. I love the suggestions to make yourself go work out or the comment about asking yourself what you're trying not to feel. Last night I was feeling an unpleasant emotion that I actually couldn't seem to fully understand until I slept on it. Maybe I just process my emotions slowly, and that's why I eat in between the gaps of understanding?

    Either way, these tips have been so helpful - and thank you also for the lovely message of support. I am excited to be on this journey towards a healthier attitude about food. Doing so will mean making progress in the one area of my life I have always felt "blocked" by... the one area I could never seem to control. Thanks to each and every one of you for the the motivation and support!!!
  • skjones0323
    skjones0323 Posts: 53 Member
    Options
    I agree with BigSoul...I love the suggestion to ask, "What am I trying not to feel?" I definitely need to use this. I also have the problem of my emotions becoming muddy making it difficult to figure out exactly what is bothering me. Thank you for sharing this!!
  • alliemay1024
    alliemay1024 Posts: 83 Member
    Options
    So glad I stopped in to check this one out. This is something I have struggled with since I was old enough to know what emotions are. These responses have given ME a LOT to think about.
  • Patttience
    Patttience Posts: 975 Member
    Options
    Hi I"I'm new in this groups too but i've done a lot of work on this sort of stuff in my own life and i've got my diet under control really well now too.

    From your post i'd say that you are not in touch with your emotions. One good solution is to get into the habit of naming them. When an unpleasant emotion starts to arise, see if you can name. If you have trouble try eliminating things it is not. If you are still struggling and as a general tool, draw up an extensive list of adjectives to describe feelings to enlarge your vocabulary. This will increase awareness significantly.

    Then you need to figure out where the feeling is coming from. I wonder if you had recognised that you were hungry. Its something to recognise on the way home and think of how you are going to address it once you get in the door.

    I think its quite acceptable to feel tired and sluggish after a long day of doing work such as you describe and its normal to feel hungry at that time. When we are tired we tend to make decisions that are not as smart as usual so that's why you went to the cake. We also tend to want carbs when we are tired out like this. It's completely normal.

    if you've got weight issues, then i'd also make sure not to have cake or other sweets in your fridge or even in the house. Keep temptation far away but have something else ready that is easy. Like a dinner that only needs heating up. The other day i noticed on coming home from work feeling much as you did that the last thing i felt like doing was cooking a meal but i did really want to eat. I was hungry. Next time i will be more prepared and have my dinner ready so all i have to do is heat it up as soon as i get home. On that day i started cooking and had the first course - a miso soup - which didn't take long. Had a break to eat it and then continued cooking the rest at a leisurely and relaxed unhungry pace and state.

    If i'm not actually hungry, or its way before dinner time, then i often find a glass of wine just takes the edge off all those feelings and makes me feel good. But i only drink one glass.

    I've got lots of emotions i try to resolve quickly too. Generally i try to find solutions to the problem or find someone to help me find solutions like a councillor. Sometimes a solution is just finding a different way to think about the problem so that its not so big or is not a problem at all anymore. Sometimes its making a plan to tackle it and deciding when i will do it, then i can let it go. Other times i need to talk it over with a good listener before i'm able to relax.
  • doctorregenerated
    doctorregenerated Posts: 188 Member
    Options
    I struggle with this every day. In fact, right now as a matter of fact. I'm feeling lonely, tired, and overwhelmed with stuff that has to get done, as well as stressed about a new job I am starting. So, the kitchen is looking really tempting right now. I know if I just have a snack, everything will fade away for a while.
    Things that Help me.
    1 since I found MFP is ... login to MFP and hang out with everyone here. Whether its reading the community boards, checking in with what my friends are doing, answering questions, writing a blog, or reading success stories, there is always something here to remind me of my health goals.
    2. Exercise. Sometimes ... well, often for me because I have young kids, it isn't possible to go for a walk or run, or even leave the house at all. I joined a fitness challenge on MFP that has me doing 50 jumping jacks, 20 crunches, and 20 pushups a day. So just doing that sometimes helps.
    3. Writing. Someone else mentioned talking to yourself about what you are doing. Writing about it works well too.
    4. Sleep. The desire to binge hits me at night. I have discovered just going to sleep helps. It feels ridiculous to go to bed at 9 at night instead of my usual 11, but sometimes the desire to binge is really a desire to sleep.
    5. I tried this and it worked. Make a selfie-video when you are feeling strong. Tell the weaker, binge-imminent you that you don't want to binge, and tell them why. Play the video in your moment of weakness.
    6. Eat. I know it sounds crazy, but if you want to binge, make it something that you can fit into your day. Maybe some celery sticks dipped into hummus or something. Or make a big salad. Nighttime salads are the best.

    Things that don't work
    1. Restricting. If you go to a party and someone has a certain food that you really want, but you tell yourself no, later in the day or week, you will likely be fighting yourself. Save yourself the battle and find a way to have a small bit of the desired food.
    2. Avoiding your problems. This happens to me a lot. I hate confrontation, so if there is an unpleasant task, I will avoid it. Then, the idea I have to still deal with it stresses me out, and I end up eating.
    3. Ignoring the binge. After the binge, log it. Ignoring it puts you in this weird place where you may see yourself as failing, and talk yourself out of healthy eating behavior. Instead, logging it hurts initially, but keeps you on track to ultimately lose the weight.

    That's all I got.
  • branbuds
    branbuds Posts: 624 Member
    Options

    4. Sleep. The desire to binge hits me at night. I have discovered just going to sleep helps. It feels ridiculous to go to bed at 9 at night instead of my usual 11, but sometimes the desire to binge is really a desire to sleep.


    I agree with the idea of sleep. I think a lot of my evening binges in the past have been due to feeling tired. When you eat (usually carbs/sugar), the spike of sugar in your blood makes you feel more alert (temporarily). I try to watch for that and go to bed earlier, which is not always easy. But just being aware that I may be tired instead of truly hungry helps.
  • branbuds
    branbuds Posts: 624 Member
    Options

    3. Ignoring the binge. After the binge, log it. Ignoring it puts you in this weird place where you may see yourself as failing, and talk yourself out of healthy eating behavior. Instead, logging it hurts initially, but keeps you on track to ultimately lose the weight.

    This is a great idea! I think that logging the binge keeps you from catastrophizing it. And when it is logged, you can move past it and and carry on.
  • seren1ty74
    seren1ty74 Posts: 171 Member
    Options
    On this roller coaster with you all. From the slightest bit of stress to the most amount of boredom a binge or near-binge comes on. Most times I try to take 15 min. and stop to check out my emotions, or what I really need to eat, or drink a glass of water... other times I just act, and order takeout online (always online, like secretively) with a second thought. Starting to lessen, but still very hard to deal with. Also hard to talk about with friends, which is usually what I am needing more than pizza or nachos. Thnk goodness for the groups!
  • krmsotherhalf68
    krmsotherhalf68 Posts: 122 Member
    Options
    Finally! Others who understand what I've been going through all my life! Thank you all for the great suggestions. I've only been on MFP for 24 days and I've only had a couple of times when I felt like going to the store and buying something like cake or cookies and eating a ton of them. One thing that's been keeping me from doing just that is distractions. I play Mah-Jong on the computer or pick up the phone to talk to a friend or family member. I've also gone to bed in the past when I didn't think I was going to be able to keep myself from binge-eating. These all work!

    I know that sooner or later the stressful situations will come and I'm going to have to continue to learn different strategies in order to deal with them differently than I have in the past.
  • danielletogether4health
    Options
    I love the idea of a self-video - i will have to try that.

    I have put together a couple of Pinterest boards - things for comfort, my vision board & sunflowers.

    The things to do for comfort board has simple activities to try to remember to do instead of a binge - like writing, meditation, reading and so on.

    My vision board has symbols of being binge free - breaking chains, feeling light as feather (emotionally & physically) & a pink balloon.

    The sunflower board is just something nice to look at and work on collecting unusual sunflower pictures -

    Here is link for 100 things to do http://bingeeatingtherapy.com/2011/02/02/101-things-to-do-instead-of-binge-eating/

    I had a excellent summer since rejoining MFP (been binge free) - but I am still so afraid that I will get derailed and will not be able to pick myself up.
  • QuillensMom
    QuillensMom Posts: 100 Member
    Options
    Great topic, and I agree it's hard to break that habit. I have been eating to stifle feelings since I was a young child and have spent years using it for comfort. I do ok short term then anything happens and bam a binge and a bad cycle and before I know it I want to give up.

    I mean you can know what to do instead, and there have been some great suggestions here, but knowing something and being able to change it are two different things.
  • Foamroller
    Foamroller Posts: 1,041 Member
    Options
    Great thread and good tips! I come from a family with very destructive comfort techniques. Eating and drinking mostly. It made me realize I do have to be very aware and stop myself when I'm merely repeating that pattern.

    Sometimes it's not possible to soothe myself in healthy manner. I was a gaming addict for years. But it was better than a lot of other addictions like narcotics, pills or gambling.

    Whatever works for you, honey:-) As long as I'm able to steer comforting methods into healthier or more productive ways. Once I attended this expressive therapy that involved drawing or making collages or physically expressing our feelings. It was very uncomfortable, but unlocked many things that were hidden away from me.

    When I'm angry or frustrated I go for a brisk walk uphill or spinning class. I also use the foam rolling to comfort. Not only does it relax very tense muscles, it is also quite painful at start so the beta endorphine gave me instant pain release. A very good pain indeed. Natural hiiiigh...:-)