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does directness=rudeness?

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sewerchick93
sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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I have been chatting with this guy I met on match.com. The more we talk, the more "creeper" vibe I get from him and the more "needy" vibe I get. But I'm trying to get to know him, to see if I'm wrong.

However, this was our text conversation this morning:

Him: Good Morning
Me: Good Morning to you
Him: how u doing how was your night
Me: I'm running late for work but otherwise good. My night was full of busy work (side note: he wanted to video chat last night, but I had things to do)
Him: yes apparently....just lazying around now...you at work yet?
Me: getting ready to leave home right now
Him: cool can you send pictures
Me: of what?
Him: yourself wish I could see how you look going to work
Me: I don't have time for this
Him: wow that's direct and rude
Me: yes it was, I told you I was running late for work and yet you wanted me to take time to send pics
Him: sorry you don't have to be so mean but sorry about that...

I admit I was direct, but does being direct equate to being rude and mean?

Replies

  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
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    sometimes direct = rude. Sometimes it doesn't. I think in this case, your wording sounded a little rude. Had you said, "I don't have time to do that." or "No time, ttyl." It wouldn't have been rude but you made it sound like the whole string of texts was wasting your time.

    I think a bigger question is why are you second guessing your instincts about this guy and if you didn't get a creeper and needy vibe would you have responded differently. It sounds like it is very early on. You already feel uneasy about him and are getting into text arguments where he is apologizing and calling you rude.

    What about him or you makes you want to give him more opportunities.
  • Jennifer10723
    Jennifer10723 Posts: 374 Member
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    Hmmm .. I think I would have been a little bit put off by the comment, but I do understand why you said it. Especially if you are already getting a red flag dinging from him.
  • jenready
    jenready Posts: 2,658 Member
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    I don't think directness=rudeness all of the time. I do think it depends on your word choice as to whether it will be perceived as rude or not. From your text, I can see where he thought you were being rude. Maybe if you said 'I don't have time for this, remember I'm running late' he would of understood. I also think that sometimes your intent/tone is hard to get across in a text. You never know how a person is reading the text, it may not be the way that you intended.
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    Thanks guys, I appreciate your honestly and dbrightwell12, those are questions I need to think about.

    And I did apologize for sounding rude and mean, because that wasn't my intent.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
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    sounds like you got your answer. it did come off as being snippy but I get it. sometimes we just do that. it's like: helloooo... didn't you read that I told you I'm busy??? get a clue! lol!

    I did the same to a co-worker today. she was standing in my office going over a 'plan' and things need to get done. well, I don't want to be here til midnight so I (in her words) snipped at her and told her that the time we're in here debating I could be working. lol! she stormed out of my office.
  • gym_king_carlie
    gym_king_carlie Posts: 528 Member
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    I think its rather creepy to ask for a pictures (only my opinion) and you feel a needy and creepy vibe, I admire that you are giving someone a chance but its not a good opinion of someone who you are considering as a romance.

    I dont think you was rude at all. Direct is honest, be as blunt as a knife, you may upset people but atleast your genuine :)
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    Not so much rude, as sarcastic and blunt. I think the fact that you carried on the texts meant you had some kind of time on your hands EVEN if you SAID you were late! Hence why he didnt take much notice of your comment......

    I would have just cut the texts off when you said "I'm running late................chat later? bfn"

    But I also think that asking for pics is creepy!! :laugh:

    Sounds like you dont really like the guy? So just let it go :flowerforyou:
  • Jennifer10723
    Jennifer10723 Posts: 374 Member
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    But I also think that asking for pics is creepy!! :laugh:

    You would not believe how many men ask for pics like all the time. Its annoying. You know what else annoys me .. is when a guy sends me the 8,0000th picture and I don't comment on it with glowing appraisal .. I get .. did you get my picture? OMG. So annoying.
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    But I also think that asking for pics is creepy!! :laugh:

    You would not believe how many men ask for pics like all the time. Its annoying. You know what else annoys me .. is when a guy sends me the 8,0000th picture and I don't comment on it with glowing appraisal .. I get .. did you get my picture? OMG. So annoying.

    agreed 100%!!!! He wants to see what I look like going to work? Where does he think I work? look at my pictures on my profile...that's what I look like when I go to work.
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
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    If you ladies weren't so damn pretty, maybe we wouldn't ask for pics. ;-)
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
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    May I suggest you trim your nose hairs first H. lol
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
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    I agree, I think it's ultra-creepy to ask for a picture of you on your way to work. It's actually making my neck hair stand up a little bit. The only person who ever did that to me turned out to be a controlling freak.

    I have a friend who, whenever she gets an unsolicited pic from a guy, sends back a similar pic of another guy. It's hilarious.
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    I have a friend who, whenever she gets an unsolicited pic from a guy, sends back a similar pic of another guy. It's hilarious.

    I love that idea!!!!
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    May I suggest you trim your nose hairs first H. lol

    you're just jealous of my superpower :laugh:
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    I think its rather creepy to ask for a pictures (only my opinion) and you feel a needy and creepy vibe, I admire that you are giving someone a chance but its not a good opinion of someone who you are considering as a romance.

    I dont think you was rude at all. Direct is honest, be as blunt as a knife, you may upset people but atleast your genuine :)

    It's nice to see that a guy thought it was creepy too.

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