dealing with the world
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Decsaw
Posts: 20
So for those that have already had the surgery, did anyone come into problems with family or friends about the surgery. there is a societal perception that WLS is an easy way out (even though it is not) I am curious if anyone faced any negative folks close to them and were criticized for having the surgery and how you dealt with it. How did you talk to people about the surgery?
another thought I had was regarding the weight loss, did anyone face criticism or negativity regarding the weight loss, like if you lost 100 lbs most people would be happy for you but did anyone experience someone say "well you cheated and had surgery so its not that impressive" or something along those lines
I ask because weight bias and discrimination is such a big problem now and there is a special level of bias surrounding WLS, I am sure many will face the negativity and before I head down that road I thought it would be interesting to see how other handled it?
Thanks
another thought I had was regarding the weight loss, did anyone face criticism or negativity regarding the weight loss, like if you lost 100 lbs most people would be happy for you but did anyone experience someone say "well you cheated and had surgery so its not that impressive" or something along those lines
I ask because weight bias and discrimination is such a big problem now and there is a special level of bias surrounding WLS, I am sure many will face the negativity and before I head down that road I thought it would be interesting to see how other handled it?
Thanks
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Replies
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Some people are simply pre-programmed to be jerks. I did this for my health and because I know that I have already tried many many times to take the weight off without surgery and that, while I was healthy before surgery, I would not still be healthy in 10 years if I continued to be as heavy as I was. I want to be here to support my children and meet my grandchildren and, God willing, maybe even my great grandchildren.
I have not, personally, faced discrimination post-op because of my choice to have surgery. I do not keep any part of me a secret - closets are for clothes - people in my life know that I had the surgery. I am only a month out but I have experienced lots of love, support, and encouragement as I've gone down this path.
Like I said, some people are just jerks. If someone criticizes you, assume that they are one of those people and move on. Don't let their negativity get you down.
Keep your head up - but look down every once in awhile, because soon you'll see your toes when you do - and how much fun will that be?!0 -
I have been pretty open about what is happening at work and the response has been pretty uniformly positive about me doing something positive for my health. As I have progressed along the pre-surgery diet (since April), I am down about 90 pounds and have had a number of people ask me why have the surgery if I am doing so well on my own. I let them know that I have plenty of documented history of weight loss success followed by regain (see the chart in my pictures) and I then quote Garber6th: "Maybe isn't enough at this point in my life".
Only one co-worker has been persistently 'negative' about the surgery, and I know that he is only doing it out of a concern for my well-being due to the risks of surgery. I have not had any outward expressions to me about the easy way out. *I* used to be the one shying away from the surgery because it was the easy way out and I harbored hopes of being able to lose the weight myself. As my hip arthritis worsened, it became more difficult to sell this story to myself, and I began to be more serious about pursuing the surgery. My success in the pre-surgery loss resurrected the thoughts of doing it on my own, but in the end, I have decided to pursue the surgery to give a physical and hormonal support to my newfound behavioral changes. A "shock collar" as oneof my MFP friends puts it.
I think you have to be confident in your decision and if you are, then the world's opinion won't matter. I have been harsher on my self in my self-doubting moments than any of my friends could be. And those that aren't my friends who give their opinion, don't hold any sway over me, nor do I owe them an explanation.
Rob0 -
In the words of Taylor Swift, "haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate"...
I made a choice not to share my WLS plan with most people. Only a few trusted relatives and friends knew. Now that my weight loss has progressed, people are really noticing. There are well meaning people out there, who really want to know how I am losing weight, because they need to lose, too. I tell them if I think it will help them and they will be supportive of my journey. Otherwise, it is really no one's business. Just be aware that if you put it out there, people will comment - good and bad.
How do I handle it? Absolute certainty that VSG is the best thing I have ever done to improve my health. You would be surprised how speaking pleasantly but with conviction shuts people up. I have no regrets. Pre-op, I went into this knowing it would help me be healthier; my sister is 5 years post-lap band and has kept off 180 lbs. So, I knew this would work. Post-op, I am a true believer. It was the right choice for me.
Time will tell.
2 years post-op, people won't even remember the way that you used to look. You will be the person others refer to when they talk about how "WLS really worked for a friend of mine."0 -
For me, I have not had to deal with it. I only told a small handful of people. My hubby, of course, knew from the get go that I was even thinking about it. He, being basically normal weight, was worried about the risks of surgery has been super supportive and is super happy that I'm so much healthier now and getting healthier everyday.
I also told my brother and sister-in-law because they are also super supportive and would keep it to themselves.
I didn't tell anyone else because I am just a private person. I didn't want to have to defend my choice. I've pretty much been a stay-at-home mom for the last 5 years except for the occasional part-time contracted university teaching job, which was very independent. I NEVER saw my co-workers, which means I didn't really even get to know them either.
My parents would be supportive, but my mom is a blabber mouth. I don't trust her, unfortunately and I just don't want everyone and their dog to know. It's none of their business and she just doesn't get that.
If I was open about it like some people are I'm not sure how I'd handle it.0 -
I haven't really had to deal with any negativity related to having surgery. I dealt with way more negativity and bias when I weighed 382 lbs .There is a LOT of discrimination and judgment directed towards overweight people. I am pretty open about having surgery. I don't put it on blast, but if people ask how I lost weight, I tell them that I had the surgery and it's a great tool in combination with me working my butt off. I have had to deal with people who just don't "get" it, but it's because they haven't known anyone who has had surgery or they haven't been in a position where it was a consideration for them. One guy at the gym overheard me talking about surgery with someone and he said, "Isn't that dangerous? Don't people die from that surgery?". I said, "People can and do die from routine surgery every day, but personally, I haven't heard of anyone dying from this surgery. In my case, it helped me save my life". He didn't have a lot to say after that :-)0
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I told my team of 15 people at work my exteneded family and friends. I got no negativity. Early on, there was a little "resistence" over fear for my safety which I dealt with by educating my friends and family. They are now my greatest cheerleaders. Either I've been lucky, or I've gotten back what I put out there, (which is 99% positive), or I just don't give a rats *kitten* what others think if they're not on my side in this battle to regain and maintain good health. Probably a bit of all of that combined! Today I continue to be 100% honest and tell anyone who asks about the tool I used to help save my life. You never know whe needs to see the example you've become. It's a large part of what keeps me motivated to maintain the good habits I've developed.0
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I told everyone, family, friends, co workers. I have received nothing but positive feedback. Even if I did, it wouldn't matter I know this was the best choice for me.0
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Well I have to say I am a little surprised (pleasantly) that there have been so many who have not faced negativity. You all bring up good points.
For me I am pretty open, especially talking about Obesity because its part of my job (obesity research and university teaching in health science/kinesiology) I know the scientific evidence and can educate friends and family. But I wasn't sure how I wanted to handle my surgery on 2 different fronts, first with my family, I am very close with my parents but I know my father is a stick in the mud and he was going to have a very strong opinion. I however was surprised when I told them, although my dad might have a strong (and uninformed) opinion about WLS he was more concerned with my health (with diabetes and heart disease in the family). I think while he is scared that I have to do something so drastic, he supports me in doing what needs to be done.
The other thing for me as I mentioned, I am involved heavily into obesity research, I am in fact on a national board of obesity researchers and an active member in several organizations. For years I have traveled around going to conferences and making presentations and I have always felt really uncomfortable being the fat guy talking about obesity. I however am not sure how much I want my surgery to be know in this group. Its been weird, in all my appointments with the different specialists, surgeon, and other health care professionals, they are all members of the organization I work with and all know people I work with and are saying "oh do you know so-and-so, you need to say hi for me" and stuff like that. I find it a bit awkward, I'm not entirely sure I want that group to know much.
On the other hand I also feel a bit of responsibility, being in the position I am in, If I were to be really open, I could bring a lot of attention to WLS and the struggles of obesity, Maybe I can help improve some of the stigma and weight bias. They could highlight my journey on websites and in newsletters and I'm sure they would want me to do interviews and talk about it at conferences, all of which could be good, just not sure I want the attention.
It makes me happy to hear that so many of you have received so much positive support.0 -
I was very open about it. Truth is we lose a lot of weight very quickly. So either the folks we don't tell are going to assume WLS or they are going to think we are sick and dying. I also didn't want to have to explain my major food changes either. I've had one person who questioned it before surgery, one of my best friends and her concern was a valid one. Was I ready to make that lifelong, lifestyle change. I'm 3 years out and I think she's convinced that I was ready to make the changes and have. The rest of the people in my life have been very positive. If there's a negative person out there, someone waiting for me to fail, they've kept it to themselves.
One more thing. If by talking about this honestly and openly helps one other person leave a life of obesity and get healthy, than it's worth it to me to share my story. So bring on the haters. I grew up with a mentally impaired (retarded) sister. If I can live through all that discrimination and hate, anything else is just no big deal to me.0 -
I had trouble dealing with who I would tell, and I tend to be very private. In the family I told my dad, mother in law, and one of my sisters I am very close with. The other sister always made fun of me for being fat, even as an adult, and while I make an effort to be civil, I did not go out of the way to talk to her. We talk about once a year, and she lives out of state, so it will come up but I don't have to deal with her now.
At work I am a hospital exectuitve, and I had to be careful for two reasons. One, I don't want all of the staff gossiping about me. Two, there are some nay sayers I didn't want to get into an argument with. One of our supervisors did the sleeve a few months ago, and her boss (a nurse) told her just to excercise and eat better. The leader told her just to eat protein and exercise, because when she got up to an 18 for a few years that's what she did to lose it. These people don't get it.
I did share it with a handful of people who are supportive, and I am grateful for them. There are people who always will treat fat people badly, because they need someone to put down and feel superior over. There will always be someone with an opinion about ehat someone else should do. I just ignore them, because this is my life, and I am choosing to live a healthy one.0
