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Five ways to avoid getting burned out on dating

It happens to the best of us: At first, you’re dating up a storm and having fun meeting lots of new people. But eventually, your eyes begin to glaze over a little when strange numbers keep texting you on weekends. Your nerves are jumpy from too many lattes, and strangely, meeting that blind date for dinner feels like one more chore you’ve got to force yourself to complete. In short, you’re approaching dating burnout — and fast. But that doesn’t mean you can’t reverse the course before where you end up shutting yourself in your home for months, changing your online privacy settings and watching too much TV. Here’s how to bring back that spark so you’re feeling full of life and looking forward to meeting someone new again.

Way #1: See if there’s a pattern that could be holding you back — then break it
If you feel like you’re spinning your wheels, take a step back and examine why dating isn’t going so well for you. “Ask yourself whether you’re only meeting new prospects in one particular place — like a bar — or only going out with a certain type of person,” says Toni Coleman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and dating coach in McLean, VA. “If you keep on doing what you’ve already been doing, then you’ll just get more of the same.” Try to shake things up a bit by scoping out dating prospects at places you’ve never visited before. Or try going out with someone completely different than your usual type: If you find yourself only dating investment bankers who talk more about their portfolios than their personal lives, try seeing who else interests you — for example, you might find yourself on a date with a cool zoologist instead. Just as you might not have chemistry with the person who fits the criteria on your checklist, you might fall for someone who’s the total opposite of the person you’d usually consider to be a dream date.

Related: Stuck in a bad dating rut?

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Way #2: Keep your first few dates short; less than an hour is ideal
This one should be obvious, but the longer your dates are, the more exhausting they’ll be — and that’s especially true on first dates if you’re not sure whether or not you’ll click with each other. That’s why it’s often smart to keep them short and sweet during the early stages of dating someone. “Arrange to meet friends afterwards,” advises Coleman. That way, if the date’s going badly, you can leave without having to make up an excuse — and laugh about it later in good company. Just make sure your date knows beforehand that the evening has a time limit by saying you’ve got plans with friends happening at a certain hour. “And if things should go really well,” says Coleman, “Your friends will understand when you bail on meeting them to stretch the date out longer.”

Related: How to make your first date a successful one

Way #3: Go on a second date — even if the first one didn’t “wow” you
When there are plenty of romantic prospects both online and elsewhere, it’s easy to quickly dismiss someone if you feel no sparks on your first outing together. But this mindset can leave you with a string of first dates that ultimately went nowhere — and you feeling increasingly disappointed, which is hardly the right attitude for attracting The One. “A lot of people will get home after a date and immediately look online or call their friends to complain,” says Debbie Magids, Ph.D., author of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken. But what if you kicked back to let the memories of that date simmer a little instead? What if, in spite of his less-than-desirable taste in clothes or her too-shy-for-you demeanor, you gave that person another chance to see if things might click? “Really get to know someone, and you may find that you have a lot more in common than you first thought,” counsels Dr. Magids. Even if it isn’t love at first sight, you may find that the fun you eventually have together turns into real romantic chemistry down the line.

Related: What guarantees a second date

Way #4: Diversify your dating venues to keep things fresh
Sick of meeting people for dinner, drinks or coffee at the same old places? Then it’s time to try something completely different. If there’s an exhibit at the local museum that you’ve been dying to see, try meeting there for your next date, suggests Coleman. “Make a date into something fun so that even if there isn’t a love connection, you spent your time together doing something that you really enjoy,” she explains. “Plus, it’ll help you figure out whether your date shares similar interests.” Nothing new and exciting happening in town? Do something productive like running errands or shopping, advises Coleman. “Not only will you get stuff accomplished, but you’ll get to see how your date interacts with people like sales clerks and cashiers,” she says. “People tend to reveal more of their true selves in environments like these.”

Related: What men and women notice on dates

Way #5: Take a temporary break from dating to rest and rejuvenate
“People who date four or five times a week easily become social chameleons, doing whatever the other person likes to do,” says Dr. Magids. “Taking a week or two off from the dating scene will not only re-energize you, but it’ll help you remember what you like to do without worrying about pleasing another person.” Love bird-watching? Grab your binoculars and head to the park. Got a stack of unread best-sellers gathering dust on your shelf? Call up your defunct book club and plan a get-together. When you do start dating again, you’ll not only feel more relaxed and centered, but you’ll also appear more interesting because of all the stuff you were busy doing when you were taking that much-needed break. And if that man or woman you’ve been eyeing asks you out during your self-imposed respite, don’t budge on your no-dating rule. “Say you’d love to go, but the next two weeks are really hectic; then, ask if you could get together the following week,” advises Dr. Magids. Chances are good it’ll actually make you more appealing — and give you the time you need to recharge your emotional batteries.

Amanda May has written for Redbook and other publications.