Difficulties/Realities
garber6th
Posts: 1,890 Member
First of all, I want to thank Thaeda for being so open about her journey, the good, the bad, and everything in between, because it has helped me realize how helpful and meaningful it can be to share our experiences here.
Having WLS isn't just about losing weight. Yes, that's the ultimate goal, but the path to getting to that goal can be interesting, bumpy, fun, exciting, scary, confusing, frustrating, and so on. Some days I wake up and I still feel "fat". I have lost over 200 lbs, and I still feel this way. Not every day, but some days. Like today. I was talking to a friend of mine about it, and she said, "I wish you wouldn't be so negative about yourself". I said, "I am not being negative, I am having some negative feelings and that isn't the same". She said, "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, you are doing so good, you should be so proud of yourself". I said, "you don't get it. It doesn't matter how anyone sees me, and the way I am feeling isn't just about how I see myself, it's about me allowing myself to feel what I feel, because that is part of me getting adjusted to my new normal. It's ok that some days I am not ecstatic. It's part of MY process. I work through it."
I think it's extremely important for all of us to know, no matter what stage of the process we are in, that it's ok to feel however we feel. Some days will be better than others, and fortunately I have many more good days than bad. I have had so many people share with me what they think I "should" feel - I should feel proud, happy, excited, flattered, grateful, etc. Like my friend - I know she meant well, but I don't think she gets how complicated it can be to live in a body that is 200 + lbs lighter and the mental as well as physical adjustments involved. Part of what got me to be 382 lbs was that I let other people and their opinions get to me, but now, this is the time for me to own what I do and what I feel, the good, the bad and the in between. People can say and think whatever they want, and I don't expect them to understand what I am going through. It isn't really their place to. It's mine, and I got this.
Having WLS isn't just about losing weight. Yes, that's the ultimate goal, but the path to getting to that goal can be interesting, bumpy, fun, exciting, scary, confusing, frustrating, and so on. Some days I wake up and I still feel "fat". I have lost over 200 lbs, and I still feel this way. Not every day, but some days. Like today. I was talking to a friend of mine about it, and she said, "I wish you wouldn't be so negative about yourself". I said, "I am not being negative, I am having some negative feelings and that isn't the same". She said, "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, you are doing so good, you should be so proud of yourself". I said, "you don't get it. It doesn't matter how anyone sees me, and the way I am feeling isn't just about how I see myself, it's about me allowing myself to feel what I feel, because that is part of me getting adjusted to my new normal. It's ok that some days I am not ecstatic. It's part of MY process. I work through it."
I think it's extremely important for all of us to know, no matter what stage of the process we are in, that it's ok to feel however we feel. Some days will be better than others, and fortunately I have many more good days than bad. I have had so many people share with me what they think I "should" feel - I should feel proud, happy, excited, flattered, grateful, etc. Like my friend - I know she meant well, but I don't think she gets how complicated it can be to live in a body that is 200 + lbs lighter and the mental as well as physical adjustments involved. Part of what got me to be 382 lbs was that I let other people and their opinions get to me, but now, this is the time for me to own what I do and what I feel, the good, the bad and the in between. People can say and think whatever they want, and I don't expect them to understand what I am going through. It isn't really their place to. It's mine, and I got this.
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Replies
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First of all, I want to thank Thaeda for being so open about her journey, the good, the bad, and everything in between, because it has helped me realize how helpful and meaningful it can be to share our experiences here.
Wow. You are welcome and I am touched that you would acknowledge me.
Having WLS isn't just about losing weight. Yes, that's the ultimate goal, but the path to getting to that goal can be interesting, bumpy, fun, exciting, scary, confusing, frustrating, and so on....
I think it's extremely important for all of us to know, no matter what stage of the process we are in, that it's ok to feel however we feel...
...this is the time for me to own what I do and what I feel, the good, the bad and the in between. People can say and think whatever they want, and I don't expect them to understand what I am going through. It isn't really their place to. It's mine, and I got this.
Beautifully said--- and so true. Many of us-- myself included--- "bought" the line that we should feel this way or that--- without ever allowing ourselves to feel what we felt. I was angry about having to perform emotional gymnastics for everyone else-- and I took that anger out on myself in the form of chronic dieting and binge eating. Today, I am continuing to practice allowing myself to have my feelings-- I say "practice" because I am not perfect--- there are times I eat my feelings away, or I exercise them away, or I use restriction to squash my feelings-- but my goal is to live each day being as genuine and open as I can be.
I applaud your willingness to be vulnerable and to share your inner journey-- and I also applaud your determination to take great care of you.
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Thank you both for sharing. I am just starting the process so it is so important to hear from those that have been through it and not just the positive things. Good for you for allowing yourself to feel. With any change, we have to go through each stage of the process.0
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Thank you both for sharing. I am not very far into this process, I'm two and a half weeks out from surgery. I haven't told my extended family I even had surgery, just my three college age children. I am going home for the Christmas holidays and I really don't want to tell them then either. My husband says that it's my journey and my business and don't tell anyone anything if I don't want to. My Italian father in-law is a retired chef so the holidays are all about food and my mother in-law always makes me homemade Italian bread and pizza. Eating an once of food at a time is definitely going to be noticed and questioned, LOL. The funny thing is that I LOVE them hugely (maybe not all the sister in-laws however) I just really don't want to answer all the questions or hear their opinions on it. It's funny because I have found it easier to tell strangers than my family. I told my husband earlier today that I realized that my mind hasn't accepted the reality of me actually losing weight and it will work this time. I'm down 15 lbs. the first two weeks lost inches everywhere but at the next twenty lbs. formerly it would all creep back on. I don't think I've mentally accepted this time it is going to be more than 30 lbs. off my body. I think sometimes this process is very selfish for me, it's all about me, and that's okay. I'm trying to stay off the scale and weigh-in only once a week, the numbers on the scale are going to be a pleasant reality check for me!0
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Thank you both for sharing. I am not very far into this process, I'm two and a half weeks out from surgery. I haven't told my extended family I even had surgery, just my three college age children. I am going home for the Christmas holidays and I really don't want to tell them then either. My husband says that it's my journey and my business and don't tell anyone anything if I don't want to. My Italian father in-law is a retired chef so the holidays are all about food and my mother in-law always makes me homemade Italian bread and pizza. Eating an once of food at a time is definitely going to be noticed and questioned, LOL. The funny thing is that I LOVE them hugely (maybe not all the sister in-laws however) I just really don't want to answer all the questions or hear their opinions on it. It's funny because I have found it easier to tell strangers than my family. I told my husband earlier today that I realized that my mind hasn't accepted the reality of me actually losing weight and it will work this time. I'm down 15 lbs. the first two weeks lost inches everywhere but at the next twenty lbs. formerly it would all creep back on. I don't think I've mentally accepted this time it is going to be more than 30 lbs. off my body. I think sometimes this process is very selfish for me, it's all about me, and that's okay. I'm trying to stay off the scale and weigh-in only once a week, the numbers on the scale are going to be a pleasant reality check for me!
Congrats on having a successful surgery! You will do fine at Christmas. Honestly, you don't have to tell anyone about your surgery unless you really want to, and just focus on nibbling on protein. If you are asked, you can say you are on a diet, and that should do fine for most people. I have lost almost 60 lbs, I eat small amounts of acceptable food socially, and people are always commenting on my weight loss but never on what I am not eating. They don't really notice. You can always bring food items with you that you can eat, and enjoy those.0 -
Thank you both for sharing.It has helped me so much knowing that we all struggle in any stage we are in its all a learning process0
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Thank you both for opening up and sharing. It encourages and helps me see I am not alone in this journey.0
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Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. I think when people ask about WLS, the good bad and ugly this is the info they need to hear.0
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Garber6th, I totally agree! Some days I feel fat. It doesn't mean I'm negating everything I've done or the 164 pounds I've lost. It just means I'm feeling fat. Even people who never had a weight issue sometimes feel fat. It's like feeling irritated for no real reason. And like you, I'm trying to own my feelings and deal with them without burying them under layers of food as I did before my sleeve.
Yes we all have reason to be happy with our weight losses and proud of ourselves and most days we are, but it's OK to feel what we feel too.
Good post! Thanks for brining it up!!
Oh, and I also agree about how Thaeda's posts have brought up some really good subjects! Kudos to you both!!0 -
We've all been through a major change and people who haven't gone through it can't understand what it's like coming back from being 150-300lbs overweight. I was talking with some friends about going on a city bike ride this weekend and, in the course of discussion, I mentioned my apprehension about renting a bike for the event because of my weight issues. Of course they were really supportive and encouraging, but they really didn't understand where the apprehension was coming from. I had to bluntly come out and say "Literally, the last time I sat on a bike it broke" for them to understand. I find, for me, explaining things as they relate to weightloss in their most base form goes a long way to expressing how my experience shapes my current views. I think along with the pounds I'm also happier stripping off any euphemisms about my experience being overweight. My 2 cents
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