Dealing with compliments
DerekG79
Posts: 116 Member
I am 10-months out from RNY and my weight loss is starting to become real obvious to people. I get compliments everywhere I go and it is making me really uncomfortable. I know I should be greatful, but honestly it is really hard for me to handle. I just want to be a normal guy, not known as the guy who lost a ton of weight. Most people do not know I had surgery. If they have so much good to say about me now, what did they think of me before.
I know this is a head game as well as a physical game and this is one aspect I am having a hard time dealing with. That said, the surgery is the best thing I have ever done. How do you deal? Am I alone here?
I know this is a head game as well as a physical game and this is one aspect I am having a hard time dealing with. That said, the surgery is the best thing I have ever done. How do you deal? Am I alone here?
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I smile and usually say something like "Thanks, it's been a good year". Depending on the person, we may talk more about the specifics, but it often ends there. Most people realize how hard it is to lose a significant amount of weight and are genuinely impressed. It doesn't reflect on what they thought about you before. Accept the praise without reservation and feel good about what you have accomplished. It doesn't need to go any deeper than that.
Here . . . Practice:
Derek, you look great! I hope you feel as good as you look.
Rob0 -
I know what you mean. Generally, I like compliments, but sometimes I think (especially with certain people or when comments are phrased in a particular way), "you must have thought I was a pig/slob/lazy jerk last year".
What to do about it? Well, honestly, I think that comfort comes with time and with being confident in your progress. For a while, especially early on, compliments bothered me because I was afraid that I would relapse and go back to the way things were. I was afraid of being that person who lost it and then gained it all back. I did get over it, about the same time that I stopped saving fat clothes and started donating them.
Also, it is important to realize that most people who compliment you are coming from a good place. They are not being critical of the way you were, but complimentary of the direction you are headed. Honestly, I think that most compliments I have received are more prompted by surprise (woah, you look different!) than anything else. And the usual follow up is, "what did you do, so that I can do it, too." So, maybe try visualizing good vibes coming from the complimenter to you, to reinforce that it is a positive thing, and get away from any negative associations you might feel.
Good luck. I really think that time heals.0 -
It's hard to be under the microscope once people latch on to an idea; in this case, that you've lost weight and look different. I usually day something along the lines of "thanks, I feel great".0
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I hear what your saying. I think it'll take time for people to get used to seeing you at what is your new normal.0
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also some people just don't have any tact, and just blurt out anything, intending to be positive but ends up being rude and distasteful.0
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@Derek; It's not what they "thought" of you before it's what you "knew" about yourself before. Like all of us here you were unhealthy and overweight. In today's world recognozing the connection is very un PC and makes people uncomfortable. Most people are really happy for you and are trying to express that happiness.
I smile, say "thank you, that's nice of you to say" and will answer any follow-up questions honestly. Overall this has been a very positive experience for me.0 -
I wouldn't waste much time worrying about what "they thought of you before." The reality is that most people spend very little time thinking about anything or anyone that doesn't directly concern them or their life.0
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