Binge last night....

I just entered everything I ate on my log. OMG. Here is the story..... I baked 260 sugar cookies and put them in packs of 2 as giveaways for a service fair I am attending tomorrow at a parenting education center. I am going to the "fair" to sign up participants for my study for my dissertation and the cookies are my take-away. Anyway... I have a lot of anxiety around the project (obviously) and as I was tying ribbons on the cookie packs I was finding the cookies more and more tempting. I had a good dinner-- in fact, I had been very mindful of my calories and food choices all day.

I was thinking if I had a protein snack it might stem the tide of the overwhleming cravings I was feeling.... I had some turkey sausage and cheese--- NO impact. After that, the sugar-fest began and it was a humdinger. I went to bed with a roaring headache and feeling so sick. YUCK.

This morning I was attempting to examine how things snowballed out of control so quickly (and to perhaps get to the bottom of how the craving even started). I had a couple thoughts....

First, when I came home from work, hubby gave me a hug and a kiss (as usual) and I noted how closely we can stand together now that we have collectively lost 255 pounds. It gives new meaning to the term "intimacy" and while I was pleased to think of the weight we both have lost, it kind of left me feeling a little exposed and vulnerable, too. Then there is the obvious anxiety about the service fair tomorrow and my desire to be sure to sign up participants for my study. I did not take the time to sit with my feelings as they came up last night while I was packaging the cookies. In fact, I felt kind of "ambushed" by them- just overwhelming and very THERE all of a sudden and I panicked.

I think my first mistake was to eat when I was not hungry and clearly under duress (even if it was protein, I was eating in response to an emotional stimulus instead of dealing with the emotions themselves). Ok... lesson learned. This morning I took extra time to take care of myself. I slept in (I got to bed later than usual and knew an early morning workout would NOT be happening) and made sure to redirect any negative self talk around shame or guilt for last nights eats. Today I am not restricting food as "punishment". I am being mindful and making good choices.

Just wanted to get that all out. Thanks for listening and feel free to share your own experiences around emotional eating and strategies and such.

Replies

DJRonnieLINY

You had some cookies and guess what? You still look great, you still have had all this success and you started the next day with a positive outlook. You are not the same person you once were and should not judge yourself as such.

Enjoy the fair, enjoy the Holidays and treat each day as a new opportunity.

authorwriter

I think the idea of a protein snack was a good one, but am thinking that once the savory snack didn't work, to have a sweet protein snack and see if that was enough. Once you're full full full the cookies might not look so tempting. And if you're gonna be full full full may as well be on a protein snack. Maybe a protein shake with real fruit mixed in so it's nice and thick and just too too much? I know it's sugar, but it's real food sugar.

And as the previous poster says, you still look great and you're gonna rock it at the fair.

janet0513

Glad you are able to put things in perspective and dig deeper into why you did it. That is important for next time (yup life is full of next times). The protein was a good idea to see if you were really hungry but sometimes having a small amount of something we really want is ok too so long as it doesn't spiral out of control. You logged it, now you move on. No being hard on yourself

Emotional eating is a really hard thing that I have to deal with as well.

wilrhy

You took responsibility for things getting a bit of of control but then worked through the "why's" By taking care of yourself today and being mindful you will be fine.
Today is a "NEW DAY!"

loriloftness

It was one day. You know what happened and you know how to try to prevent it from becoming a habit. That sugar is such a powerful drug to the brain.

Thaeda

DJRonnieLINY wrote: »

You had some cookies and guess what? You still look great, you still have had all this success and you started the next day with a positive outlook. You are not the same person you once were and should not judge yourself as such.

Enjoy the fair, enjoy the Holidays and treat each day as a new opportunity.

Excellent reframe. I have a tendency to see my "slips" as this big huge hairy deal. Thanks.

Thaeda

authorwriter wrote: »

I think the idea of a protein snack was a good one, but am thinking that once the savory snack didn't work, to have a sweet protein snack and see if that was enough. Once you're full full full the cookies might not look so tempting. And if you're gonna be full full full may as well be on a protein snack. Maybe a protein shake with real fruit mixed in so it's nice and thick and just too too much? I know it's sugar, but it's real food sugar.

And as the previous poster says, you still look great and you're gonna rock it at the fair.

Never thought of trying a sweet protein alternative-- good call. I know the Quest protein bars are great and SUPER filling. Thanks.

Thaeda

janet0513 wrote: »

No being hard on yourself Emotional eating is a really hard thing that I have to deal with as well.

What a nice reminder that gentleness is wisdom.

And yes-- emotional eating used to be far more powerful in my life, but it is still something to be wrestled with on occasion.

Thaeda

wilrhy wrote: »

Today is a "NEW DAY!"

YES!! Yes it is!! TY!

Thaeda

loriloftness wrote: »

That sugar is such a powerful drug to the brain.

You ain't just whistlin Dixie!!

weeziebeth

Thaeda-again, thank you so much for sharing your journey. I have become very mindful and intentional about what and how I eat but….I can only hope to get where you are with this one day. I admire so much your ability to reflect and apply. I may have said this before (in fact I probably have), but my mantra in most areas of my life is…relax, relate, release. Relax-take a breath, step back. Relate-what do I need (or not need as appropriate) to take away from this experience and apply to me. And release-let it go, keep moving forward, don't let the emotions of the 'experience' hold you back.

Shoefly318

I agree with with everyone your not the same the person you reflected and started the next day fresh and have been such an inspiration to me and many

Thaeda

weeziebeth wrote: »

Thaeda-again, thank you so much for sharing your journey. I have become very mindful and intentional about what and how I eat but….I can only hope to get where you are with this one day. I admire so much your ability to reflect and apply. I may have said this before (in fact I probably have), but my mantra in most areas of my life is…relax, relate, release. Relax-take a breath, step back. Relate-what do I need (or not need as appropriate) to take away from this experience and apply to me. And release-let it go, keep moving forward, don't let the emotions of the 'experience' hold you back.

I like that mantra! Good one! As far as "where I am today"-- I still have a LONG way to go before I am consistently as mindful about eating as I would like to be, but thank you.

Thaeda

Shoefly318 wrote: »

I agree with with everyone your not the same the person you reflected and started the next day fresh and have been such an inspiration to me and many

I so appreciate your encouragment and support!

klcovington

I have been very surprised that it can be relatively easy to overeat carbs. But I can only eat small amounts of proteins like chicken, etc.

Thaeda

klcovington wrote: »

I have been very surprised that it can be relatively easy to overeat carbs. But I can only eat small amounts of proteins like chicken, etc.

I have found the same. Protein is so dense, it takes up more stomach space for a longer period of time. Carbs break down far more quickly.

relentless2121

Thank you so very much for sharing Thaeda. You owned it and shared it and that helped to clear your conscious. I could never attempt to bake that much and not get into it. You started out the next day with a good attitude and didn't let it ruin your day. Good for you. You kept moving forward without looking back. Way to go my friend.

juliebccs

I feel every pang of your worry. I too am struggling with staying on track since I went os. But I have still lost slowly so I am not facing big consequences,,YET. I never promised myself to be perfect Christmas day or my daughters wedding early January because they are rare days. But it is all the other mad days in between that don't seem to stop lately. Like you, baking cookies or me buying treats for the kids stockings,,,add a bit of fudge for me. It is a time of year that brings out the worst in me. I too have to remind myself to get on top of things. I have been very poor in logging the last few weeks and I need it to keep me on track.

katematt313

My dear - you spent hours preparing 260 cookies. How you managed not to crumble them up and dive into them, ala Scrooge McDuck, speaks to your amazing powers! I would not be able to resist!

You don't have to be perfect, or even reasonably good, every day, just most days.

Mangopickle

may I suggest Bulk Apothecary for scented lotions and body wash that you can pump into cheap plastic squirt bottles from Midwest Bottle supply. costs pennies and is a healthier giveaway.

Thaeda

Mangopickle wrote: »

may I suggest Bulk Apothecary for scented lotions and body wash that you can pump into cheap plastic squirt bottles from Midwest Bottle supply. costs pennies and is a healthier giveaway.

Good idea for next time. Thx.

Thaeda

katematt313 wrote: »

My dear - you spent hours preparing 260 cookies. How you managed not to crumble them up and dive into them, ala Scrooge McDuck, speaks to your amazing powers! I would not be able to resist!

You don't have to be perfect, or even reasonably good, every day, just most days.

That is funny! And encouraging--- ty so much.

Thaeda

relentless2121 wrote: »

Thank you so very much for sharing Thaeda. You owned it and shared it and that helped to clear your conscious. I could never attempt to bake that much and not get into it. You started out the next day with a good attitude and didn't let it ruin your day. Good for you. You kept moving forward without looking back. Way to go my friend.

TY.

Thaeda

juliebccs wrote: »

I feel every pang of your worry. I too am struggling with staying on track since I went os. But I have still lost slowly so I am not facing big consequences,,YET. I never promised myself to be perfect Christmas day or my daughters wedding early January because they are rare days. But it is all the other mad days in between that don't seem to stop lately. Like you, baking cookies or me buying treats for the kids stockings,,,add a bit of fudge for me. It is a time of year that brings out the worst in me. I too have to remind myself to get on top of things. I have been very poor in logging the last few weeks and I need it to keep me on track.

I hear you. Staying on track takes work!

2BeHappy2

Fri night we made 144 cookies...sorry, not "homemade" (Pillsbury 24 christmas cookies per batch).
Actually, I wrapped gifts while my husband did the hard task of watching over them!
They looked so small and the smell permeated the whole house, it was hard to give them "all" away.
I ate 2 and couldn't believe my eyes when I logged them on here...THAT many cals for a tiny itty bitty cookie
Next time Ill check the cals on the package instead of eating 1st and then finding out later!

Thaeda

2BeHappy2 wrote: »

Fri night we made 144 cookies...sorry, not "homemade" (Pillsbury 24 christmas cookies per batch).
Actually, I wrapped gifts while my husband did the hard task of watching over them!
They looked so small and the smell permeated the whole house, it was hard to give them "all" away.
I ate 2 and couldn't believe my eyes when I logged them on here...THAT many cals for a tiny itty bitty cookie
Next time Ill check the cals on the package instead of eating 1st and then finding out later!

You did well to only have 2. Imagine what you would have done before you started making decisions to put you first and to be in control of what you ate? Great job!

2BeHappy2

Thanks!
Now I know it wasn't worth those cals for something that "small!"
I could've had so much more of something else .
For example:
A mini York patty is only 50 cals....goodness, I could've had several for the "2 itty bitty, not worth it cookies."
I bet your cookies were better than these
Thank goodness these were baked and then given away the next day, out of sight out of mind!

Living4me123

I am still in the "honeymoon" stage, on the pink cloud being 5 weeks post-op. Last week-end my daughter and I baked up a storm of holiday treats and It amazes me that I do not have the desire to eat or even taste any od it! I know this too will pass in the months to come, but I am enjoying it while it lasts. i am greatful to have had the surgery at this time of the year