I do most of the cooking in our house, so I have moved us all toward more healthy eating, but the rest of the family still eats a number of things that I choose not to join them in. what don't do is cook separately for them and me. If they get take out because of schedules, I will make do with leftovers or other stuff we have on hand.

Don't feel like the bad guy when you do what you need to do. It doesn't sound like your wife as too upset, just probably had a 'me' moment and then realized it may have hurt your feelings and tried to back out of it.

Give her a hug, steal a bite of her pizza when she's not looking and move forward with you healthy meal!

Rob

My husband Loves pizza....his reaction to pizza commercials drove me crazy in the early weeks of post-op.
He's been wanting to try the new soft pretzel crust pizza from little caesars but trying to support me and my efforts, he wouldn't get it.
We still had a gift card left from pre-surgery so 1 day coming home from a busy day, I told him to go pick 1 up (hot & ready, no waiting).
I was going to have a slice and ended up only taking a bite.
As soon as I swallowed it, my stomach started giving bad vibes...that was it for that!
Apparently right now it doesn't want to accept it so maybe Ill try again sometime down the road.

It can be uncomfortable for the normal spouse when the chunky spouse starts to get healthy. They can't help comparing what you are doing to what they are not doing.

We don't have a food conflict issue in my house. We have, historically, had an exercise conflict issue in my house:

My husband is healthy and doesn't really do any purposeful exercise, while exercise has to be a part of my life now. When we have down time, he likes to relax, watch TV or a movie and have a glass of wine with me. It is really the only time we have together to relax away from the kids (who are sleeping). While I love to do this, I have realized that I can't do it every night. That time period is really my only time to exercise, unless I want to exercise at 5 a.m., or stick my husband with the kids and head out during the weekends, which I don't want to do. Also, snacking and drinking wine in front of the TV doesn't really work for me anymore for dietary reasons.

At first, I felt that my husband resented my exercise time, and maybe he did a bit. But that could have been more about me feeling guilty that I was changing our "normal", and him worrying that these new changes were going to take me away. It could have been him looking at my lifestyle changes and thinking, "I need to get my own act together".

Over time, I've just done what I need to do for me, food and exercise-wise, and my family continues to do their "normal" thing or decides to join me (like going on a hike on a weekend day). I make sure to give them the attention that they need, so they don't feel like they are missing out on wife/mom time. It works out, there are no hard feelings, and we are all doing great. My new lifestyle has become a part of our new "normal".

This may not be you, but I will just throw this out there: I have seen a bunch of post-op WLS patients "get religion" about diet and exercise, and they can't help but share it with others. I've even been that person. That's not a bad thing, necessarily. Just make sure you're not judgmental, keep a lid on unsolicited advice, lead by example - not by lecture, and you will be fine. My general rule is "don't ask, don't tell" and its corollary, "if asked, then tell".

Good luck

I understand the dilema. My significant other tries to not eat food in front of me that I can't/shouldn't eat. He feels guilty. I feel guilty when he doesn't eat what he wants because I have the weight issue, not him. So, I just flat out told him to eat whatever he wants. If he wants to eat more in the vein of what I am having, that is fine, but if he wants something else than he should have it. I pointed out the rest of my life is going to be eating this way, so we need to adjust to it now.

rpyle111 wrote: »

Maybe a little thread drift here . . . but I have tried to be very careful about proseltyzing about my weight loss. At work I sit next to another big guy, we have commiserated for years about our inability to get our weight under control. I was always bigger, and when I started losing, he talked about not wanting to be the biggest guy on the floor. Every once in a while he asks some details about my plan and my surgery, but I am careful to only answer questions about me, rather than suggest things for him to do. He mentioned that he appreciated it.

I think it is important to realize that if someone is not ready to make the changes, no one else can push them toward the healthier lifestyle. I know for darn sure that was true about me. I had to be ready.

Rob

I am going to thread drift a little to add to this. I am also careful about how and what I share with people who are considering surgery. I have had people ask me if I recommend surgery. I always say no, I am not a medical professional, I wouldn't recommend anything I am not qualified to recommend. I always let them know that yes, surgery has worked for me, but my opinion on it has no bearing on anyone else's choice. The choice has to be between a person and their doctor, and yes, they HAVE to be ready.

Yeah, we've had those same "conversations" at our house. I just keep reminding myself that they are rare and that 99% of the time he's my biggest supporter. Bet the percentage is the same at your house too.

Living4me123 wrote: »

Oh yes we have had some spats over food! Hubby does not feel guilty in eating what he wants, but we went out to eat for the first time post-op and all I could have is broth. He tells me he does not want to go out to eat with me if all I can have is soup broth or a few bites of something. He also went on to say that it is not "normal" to eat so little! My reaction was so eating 3 plates at a Buffett is "normal"? I explained to him that it is not all about food for me anymore! Going out to "eat" is a social activity to me now. I have been out several times with friends and former co-workers and they have no problems with what I eat. We talk and laugh and enjoy each other's company! He later apologized. He has been supportive, and is adjusting to the changes.

LOL! That was my hubby. It's been a little over 9 months since surgery and he's gotten used to it now.

Just the other day we had left over fajita meat. I grabbed 4 pieces without thinking and popped them in the microwave. Hubby saw me pull it out and he says "you know that's too much". And he was so right I could only 3 eat three of the pieces.

Actually buffet may be better for you since you can pick and choose exactly what you want --- and the amounts you want. Keeping you healthy is "worth it" even if you only eat two bites!

I have a card from my surgeon that explains I had WLS and asks that I be allowed to order off the kids menu. I've only had to use it a couple of times and one of those was at a buffet. They honored it and charged me the kids price.

This is an interesting thread to read as I get prepared for surgery. My husband and teenagers do not have weight problems and love to eat chips, ramen, candy, soda, ice cream, etc. I refuse to buy it for them; they have to go get it themselves if they want it. My husband is supportive, he wants to eat better, but the teens complain daily about how "abnormal" it is. Some days their only exercise is running to the store (1 block away, dang it, we should move) for soda and chips. So I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when the kids said they love "my" snack foods (raw veggies, jerky, nuts, pickles, olives, matcha) and would I please buy more. LOL. This is going to get really, really expensive. OTOH, I'll be eating less post-surgery, so maybe it will even out.

When we go out I don't ever order anymore - LOL! I usually just eat a couple of bites off my hubby's and kiddo's plate. With the amount of food on their plates my few bites don't even make a dent and the plus side we save money.

2BeHappy2, Yes you can eat off another plate in most restaurants and I have from time to time. But it's usually the opposite at our table. I eat what I want from my meal and if the husband is still hungry or "really hungry" he will finish mine! Yes, everything from the salad (I eat about 1/4) to the main entree, if he likes what I ordered and he wants it, he's welcome to it. The fun part is when the wait staff comes around and sees it and I always say "it was great, just way too much food for me". They always agree that it was a lot of food and that's it.

I gotta say this.....we went out last night to a different restaurant than we usually go to because our usual one is closed until after Christmas for maintenance. My husband and I usually share but this time he got something that I couldn't eat and I actually resented him for it! Very interesting to me because we have not shared before but wow, was I mad because I had to beg the waitress to let me order off of the childrens menu. I live in a tourist trap so usually they don't let me do that. I was upset. Still kind of am actually. And I am still craving the steak and grilled shrimp we usually get.