I cant do this. Maybe this surgery was a mistake.
belledebut
Posts: 10
It has been almost a year since the surgery and I havr returned to all of my bad eating habits. On top of all of this, I have been having health problems like after I lost 50lbs, I became prediabetic.
I never had to do pre-op dieting classes, go to meetings nor did I receive much guidance afterwards. I am so embarrassed. I am so discouraged and I have no discipline or will power. I overeat. I graze. I make all the wrong decisions.
I'm at a loss.
I never had to do pre-op dieting classes, go to meetings nor did I receive much guidance afterwards. I am so embarrassed. I am so discouraged and I have no discipline or will power. I overeat. I graze. I make all the wrong decisions.
I'm at a loss.
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Replies
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I know how you feel I was in the same boat for a while. I am 18 months post op and I lost 100 lbs in the first year, but in the last 4 months I put back on 20lbs. I was out of control until recently I started attending a therapy group specifically for vsg patients struggling with their new lifestyle change. If you can find any support groups in your area I would highly suggest you attend a meeting. Also consider making and appointment with a nutritonist to help you get on track with what you should be eating since you are pre diabetic. It's no shame in asking for help. I thought I could do this alone with out using the support system that my surgery center had in place. I was wrong but now I'm headed in the right direction. I also found that once the honeymoon period was over the weight loss slowed down so you are going to have to start excercising if you have not already started. Don't be embarrassed you can do this. We all need a little help sometime. If your surgery center can't help you find a support group or nutritionist in your area I would be more than willing to research it for you. Good luck to you!
Yvette0 -
It is entirely possible having the surgery was a mistake-- but there is nothing you can do about that now. It's done. So what CAN you do? You have already gotten some really good suggestions (westindy). I would also suggest you stop beating yourself up. It's not helping. If you are like me, it only makes you eat more. I operate under the assumption we are all doing the best we can at any given point in time at our present level of awareness. Hug yourself. Love yourself. Be as kind and understanding with yourself as you would be a dear friend who expressed the same things you expressed in your post.
I am not a fan of the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" method of weight loss-- only because it has been my experience that it does not work well long term. My suggestion is you look into books by Geneen Roth-- she has several. She is an expert on overcomng emotional eating and food/diet struggles. Very insightful, and offers some freedom from the diet prison (physical and emotional) so many of us lock ourselves into.
I sincerely hope that you are able to practice love and compassion towards yourself and that you are able to make peace with this part of your journey. Blessings to you in the New Year.0 -
I'm only 9 months post-op, so I'm not a seasoned veteran by any stretch. But, I have become more and more convinced that sugar was the root of a lot of my weight issues - it makes you hungrier and crave more carbs/food in general. I've never, nor probably will ever, able to follow an "all things in moderation" approach. I felt for a long time like it was some failure on my part to not have self-control around carbs, but cutting out sugar and grains was hand-down the best thing I've ever done - even moreso than having surgery. I think you will find that if you stick with dense protein only (chicken, beef, fish, eggs, etc.) and healthy fats (full fat cheese, avocado, butter, coconut oil, etc.) for a few days that your cravings will go away and you'll feel restriction again. This will also work wonders for stabilizing your blood glucose levels and A1C - mine went from pre-diabetic to totally normal.
Is this an easy way to live? Not at first, no, but (at least for me) it has now become pretty much second nature. I truly, honestly, do not think that I would have been successful after my surgery if I had kept eating all those carbs - I just don't have the "moderation" gene I guess. I haven't been perfect, but the few times that I've eaten things that were pure carbs (popcorn, cake, cookies), I was shocked and dismayed at how much I could/wanted to eat.
One resource that may be helpful is JJ Virgin's Sugar Impact Diet plan because she advocates stepping down from "high sugar impact" foods to medium and low sugar impact foods. "Why We Get Fat and What to do About It" by Gary Taubes is another book that describes how not all calories are created equal. "Fed Up" is a documentary that Katie Couric produced - it's pretty eye opening when you see how much sugar is in foods you think are healthy.
I wish you all the best and hope you find a way of living and eating that works for you.0 -
Others have given you great advice I would like to add. Your seeking a lifestyle change. Lifestyle changes aren't willpower alone, they take help. The best help would be a support group, face to face regularly, and a psychologist.
There is a reason we all are instructed to drink a lot of water. Most people don't know the difference between thirsty and hunger and feed thirst with food.
Habits are like addiction they are hard to break it is said it takes 21 days of continuous repetition to change a habit, many take more. When I quit smoking it took more than one year. Food will be a lot more difficult because we still have to eat.0 -
Thank you all!!!0
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I totally understand OP.
I got some pamphlets and verbal instructions in my initial (required) seminar but no classes or even online information for during the period of time it took me to finalize everything.
Aside from the initial seminar, in the whole time it took me (from start to finish), they had 1 "informational" meeting at the very end.
Even then because the surgeon was running late to speak at it, it pretty much meant he talked and we listened.
He never stopped to give us time to ask questions and when 1 person tried he said he'd take them at the end of it if there was time...well shoosh, by then most of us had long forgotten our question(s)!
Its like they think they've done enough to give you that and then youre left on your own.
When I started the WLS process last yr is when I found out I was diabetic.
My own Dr and the surgeon said that I was going into all this at a good time of recently being diagnosed because losing some of my weight would significantly help and even take away this new medical issue.
I had my surgery 11/16 and Im no longer on metformin which also means I no longer have to test myself all the time...which was an issue for me because of my fear of needles!
Ive had to extend myself out in these groups as side information because I didn't get all that I needed from the initial source
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Hang in there --- you can do this! Don't be embarrassed --- you are human. If the surgery magically made everything fall into place, it would be wonderful but it really is just a tool. Regroup and remember the reasons why you chose to have your surgery. Focus on those reasons and how you felt as you lost the weight including the health benefits. Make a plan to move forward. Best wishes!0
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Belledebut. I am only 10 months out but I have struggled when things got hectic this last two months before my daughters wedding and Christmas. I allowed myself to binge on sugary foods much more. Enough to gain a couple of pound but not enough to feel failure. So I have reset things. No more sugar!! That is it really. If it isn't sugar free it doesn't go into my mouth. I found that even though the refined sugar doesn't add massive calories per se'. it does kick off the carb cravings. I want to be 100% back at the good place where I could easily say no to pastries, breads and sugary foods. Back to special treats now and again, just like skinny folk do. Remove refined sugar again is my advice. You can do it,,trust yourself. Your more important than that cream bun or the potato chips. You go to the shops and you buy them but they don't own you.0
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Belledebut - hang in there. I am 3.5 years out and it's not easy but you can do this. I lost, maintained, regained and recently lost the 45 lbs i regained. I found that going back to basics worked for me.
- 1. Dense protein first. Turkey, chicken etc. No drinking with my meals.
- 2. I keep my carbs under 35 a day. This means no bread, sugar, minimal fruit etc.
- 3. Reduced carbs seems to kill my appetite.
- 4. One day at a time - It's impossible to boil the ocean, easier to say "just for today"
- 5. I realized there are some things I will never eat again. They are triggers for me and I am better off without.
- 6. I put myself on an eating schedule. 6 times a day, always around the same time. It cuts my need to graze.
- 7. I know that I will always have to be mindful of what I put into my mouth. I might be that "skinny chick" everyone envies but I will always be that fat chick inside
You can do this!!!0 -
Totally true april731!!! Sugar is an addictive drug!0
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Great advice. Thanks to everyone who shared.
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My surgery date is Feb 3
My insurance required a sleep study, a visit with the psychologist, one on one with a dietician 2x a month for 6 months, a mandatory orientation at the hospital, which....is a 2 1/2 hour drive. I still have a preop appointment later this month. I see others that sail over these steps.
Call your local hospital and ask if they have a bariatric support group.
Use GOOGLE. There is no excuse not to research. The info is out there at your finger tips.
My journey started more then a year ago. It's given me time to really think about what I am about to do.
I am a long time, out of control, diabetic. My last A1c was 10.5. Not good at all. I am in constant, uncontrolled pain in my hands and feet from neuropathy. For this reason I am having wls.
I tefuse to use my oxycodone on a regular basis. I cannot live my life in a drug induced fog.
I begged them to give me the surgery. My feet are becoming grey due to poor circulation. I am in danger of amputation. For me wls is a no brainer. Without the gift of this TOOL, I am as good as dead.
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1) you know and acknowledge your are making bad choices. That is good, because you can't do better until you know better. You know what is a bad choice so conversely you also know what is a better choice. Before you put something in your mouth, think about whether it is a good or a bad choice and then decide if you should eat it.
2) you are looking for help. That is also good, because it means you know there are people here who have been through the process and can give you tips. You also know there are likely support groups through your hospital or in the area you live where you can go to get help.
I feel like by writing on this board you desire to do better and live better. Now, you just have to be proactive and take the next steps to make it a reality. Go for it!0 -
We put a lot of emphasis on pre-op preparations. Because my surgery was os I was not required to do any pre-op preps such as psych meetings etc. I did have to do bloods 4 weeks previous of course. My journey was just over 6 weeks from contacting my surgeon in India to surgery date. However, I can also see the benefit in pre surgery counselling (as I am a psychotherapist). However I don't think it is necessarily the only option to ready a person for the mental challenge ahead. For some people this surgery is easy to access. For others they have to jump through hoops for a long period of time. I would love to know how those who jumped through hoops felt by the time they finally got to surgery? I often worry that they are burnt out by the time they finally get surgery. That all that mental priming leaves them too drained to meet the challenge ahead of them. This is something I am always aware of with my own clients. What do people think? Long process v short process? For me it was a short process but a tonne of travelling and personal sacrifice to reach the hospital and get home. Does pre-op counselling make the difference?0
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I had a long process. I had two family members go through the surgery 7-10 years ago, and had it in my mind, but was actively rejecting the idea. My primary care physician had been encouraging me to pursue it for a couple of years before I started the process of insurance approval. I had to go through two insurance approval 6 month processes because my employer changed my insurance plan shortly after I got approved and i had to restart the approval process with the new one (after 6 months of sulking, pouting and gaining more weight
).
When I finally stepped into the Bariatic program orientation session in April 2014, I was ready. But I didn't realize how ready I was. In the four hour session, they went into great detail about the various surgical options, the life changes required, and the challenges ahead. I am sure part of their goal is to discourage those looking for a quick and easy solution. I lapped it all up and walked out of there with a plan:
1500 calories perday
100g protein
64 ounces of water
Start (increase) exercising
Log all intake and exercise
I had 180 pounds to lose (to get to the top of "Overweight" BMI range, which was my initial goal). I realized that without significant loss prior to surgery, I was unlikely to get there during the 'honeymoon period' of 6-9 months after surgery. So I hit the pre-surgery plan hard. The high protein level made the eating pretty easy, as there weren't a lot of calories left after eating 100g protein, and the high protein levels also kept me from being terribly hungry.
I also committed to an exercise plan. I was in the gym 3-4 times a week for about an hour, 45 minutes on the Elliptical machine, and sporadic weights. My emphasis was on attendance, rather than on killing myself each workout. Getting to the gym more often was going to burn a ton more calories than hitting 100% in a session and then feeling too sore to come back for a few days.
And the weight fell off. By my second appointment in June, I was down about 50 pounds (1500 calories is a low number for a guy my size) and I asked the dietitian if I should increase my calories as I was at a huge deficit according to MFP's calculators. She told me if I was tolerating the 1500, I should keep at it, as it would best prepare me for post-surgery life. I kept at it through all of the pre-op appointments and actually passed up my earliest surgery date option because of a planned vacation. I figured I should ride the wave of success for a while and get as much lost prior to surgery as I could. The day before my surgery in September 2014, I hit 100 pounds down (the 10 or so pounds lost during the pre-surgery liquid diet made it happen).
Since then, I am down another 50 pounds in the three months post surgery, and 30 pounds away from "Overweight". Other than the first three weeks of liquid/liquidy foods, the post-surgery eating has been similar to the pre-surgery diet (as promised by my dietitian), and the entire process has been a lot less traumatic than I expected.
So, out of this, I have become an advocate for hitting the pre-surgery plan as hard as you humanly can. Get your habits and behaviors in order, get in as good a shape as you can physically, and make the most of the necessary time pre-surgery. This is from an American (mostly insurance dictated timing) point of view, where most of us have a 4-9 month pre-surgery time.
I also credit these groups for sustaining my motivation and seeing the bright future. Reading the stories here was so much more positive than I expected. I expected to become a totally different person, unable to exercise or eat real food post surgery. I learned that it is not a different world post surgery, except for all of the things I can now do that were becoming impossible because of my weight.
So, to end my rambling, I believe that the slow road to surgery had huge benefits for me, as I got to change myself and then use the surgery as the tool it is. I truly believe I would not have been as successful had I had the surgery in 6-8 weeks.
Rob
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It is entirely possible having the surgery was a mistake-- but there is nothing you can do about that now. It's done. So what CAN you do? You have already gotten some really good suggestions (westindy). I would also suggest you stop beating yourself up. It's not helping. If you are like me, it only makes you eat more. I operate under the assumption we are all doing the best we can at any given point in time at our present level of awareness. Hug yourself. Love yourself. Be as kind and understanding with yourself as you would be a dear friend who expressed the same things you expressed in your post.
I am not a fan of the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" method of weight loss-- only because it has been my experience that it does not work well long term. My suggestion is you look into books by Geneen Roth-- she has several. She is an expert on overcomng emotional eating and food/diet struggles. Very insightful, and offers some freedom from the diet prison (physical and emotional) so many of us lock ourselves into.
I sincerely hope that you are able to practice love and compassion towards yourself and that you are able to make peace with this part of your journey. Blessings to you in the New Year.
I second this! Even if you made a mistake having surgery, what is done is done. This is good advice for salvaging what you can from a less than ideal situation.
One more thing I would suggest: I have been greatly helped over the years by returning to an audio CD by Pema Chodron called "Getting Unstuck". It is about 3 hours in length, you can listen to it in the car or wherever, and it is amazing. IT is all about getting out of the rut that you are in, and helping you identify repetitive unhealthy behavior that is holding you back. Truly, it is enjoyable to listen to, funny, and so helpful. Give it a try.0 -
Whoops! Apologies for the thread drift with my long post above.
To the OP, you have the ability to succeed! Even if you didn't learn all of the stuff pre-op, you still can do it now. Read here, find a local bariatric program that will allow you to join their support group, find a way to use the tool you have!
Best wishes and let us know how we can help!
Rob0 -
Belladebut, I have been doing this for 3.5 years now and I am still working towards goal. Yes I started with 226 to lose and I lose slow/stall often, but I do not find this an easy path to walk and that too is part why I am not to goal yet. I too struggle to not go back to old eating habits. My point? Not everyone makes goal and is successful within the same time frame. I agree with everyone who has replied. Don't beat yourself up. Be honest with yourself on what you need to change, get the help and guidance you need and move forward. You can do this. We all can. I have lost 164 pounds so far, if I don't lose another ounce have I failed? No. Because I'm still at a better weight and healthier than I was when I started. For me, failure would be to regain everything I've lost and do nothing about it, just accept being 386 pounds again. But as long as I'm not regaining and continuing to work at it I am not failing. And neither are you. You say you didn't get much guidance before or after? If I were you, I would be going back to my surgeon and their team and demanding some help.
Hang in there and don't hesitate to reach out. There are some awesome people on here with great advice.0 -
Go back to protein powders. Banish sugar, fat and grains from your kitchen, and have a nice long sit-down with yourself.
Most of your stomach is gone and it will be gone forever. You can fight that, or find a way to live that will make you happy and help you achieve the goals that propelled you to the surgery in the first place.
I've read plenty of peer-reviewed articles on this surgery, that it affects gut flora and that has more of an effect than the actual restriction. What lives in our gut propels our cravings. The changeover to the kind of gut flora that makes sugar and fat unappealing takes time. You change it, by eating the things you;re supposed to be eating with your sleeve.
Find a support group, talk it out, if you an find a local-VSG buddy, that would be wonderful. Most of all, make the decision what your life is worth and what you;re willing to do to achieve the life you want. It;s hard at first. Then it gets easier. I wish you all my best and hope you will stay in the community and find encouragement here.0 -
I had a long process. I had two family members go through the surgery 7-10 years ago, and had it in my mind, but was actively rejecting the idea. My primary care physician had been encouraging me to pursue it for a couple of years before I started the process of insurance approval. I had to go through two insurance approval 6 month processes because my employer changed my insurance plan shortly after I got approved and i had to restart the approval process with the new one (after 6 months of sulking, pouting and gaining more weight ).
When I finally stepped into the Bariatic program orientation session in April 2014, I was ready. But I didn't realize how ready I was. In the four hour session, they went into great detail about the various surgical options, the life changes required, and the challenges ahead. I am sure part of their goal is to discourage those looking for a quick and easy solution. I lapped it all up and walked out of there with a plan:
1500 calories perday
100g protein
64 ounces of water
Start (increase) exercising
Log all intake and exercise
I had 180 pounds to lose (to get to the top of "Overweight" BMI range, which was my initial goal). I realized that without significant loss prior to surgery, I was unlikely to get there during the 'honeymoon period' of 6-9 months after surgery. So I hit the pre-surgery plan hard. The high protein level made the eating pretty easy, as there weren't a lot of calories left after eating 100g protein, and the high protein levels also kept me from being terribly hungry.
I also committed to an exercise plan. I was in the gym 3-4 times a week for about an hour, 45 minutes on the Elliptical machine, and sporadic weights. My emphasis was on attendance, rather than on killing myself each workout. Getting to the gym more often was going to burn a ton more calories than hitting 100% in a session and then feeling too sore to come back for a few days.
And the weight fell off. By my second appointment in June, I was down about 50 pounds (1500 calories is a low number for a guy my size) and I asked the dietitian if I should increase my calories as I was at a huge deficit according to MFP's calculators. She told me if I was tolerating the 1500, I should keep at it, as it would best prepare me for post-surgery life. I kept at it through all of the pre-op appointments and actually passed up my earliest surgery date option because of a planned vacation. I figured I should ride the wave of success for a while and get as much lost prior to surgery as I could. The day before my surgery in September 2014, I hit 100 pounds down (the 10 or so pounds lost during the pre-surgery liquid diet made it happen).
Since then, I am down another 50 pounds in the three months post surgery, and 30 pounds away from "Overweight". Other than the first three weeks of liquid/liquidy foods, the post-surgery eating has been similar to the pre-surgery diet (as promised by my dietitian), and the entire process has been a lot less traumatic than I expected.
So, out of this, I have become an advocate for hitting the pre-surgery plan as hard as you humanly can. Get your habits and behaviors in order, get in as good a shape as you can physically, and make the most of the necessary time pre-surgery. This is from an American (mostly insurance dictated timing) point of view, where most of us have a 4-9 month pre-surgery time.
I also credit these groups for sustaining my motivation and seeing the bright future. Reading the stories here was so much more positive than I expected. I expected to become a totally different person, unable to exercise or eat real food post surgery. I learned that it is not a different world post surgery, except for all of the things I can now do that were becoming impossible because of my weight.
So, to end my rambling, I believe that the slow road to surgery had huge benefits for me, as I got to change myself and then use the surgery as the tool it is. I truly believe I would not have been as successful had I had the surgery in 6-8 weeks.
Rob
Having watched your journey pre -op Rob I can fully appreciate how the long road worked so well for you. Always in awe of the work you did.
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Agreed. Anywhere healthier than where we started is success.pawoodhull wrote: »Belladebut, I have been doing this for 3.5 years now and I am still working towards goal. Yes I started with 226 to lose and I lose slow/stall often, but I do not find this an easy path to walk and that too is part why I am not to goal yet. I too struggle to not go back to old eating habits. My point? Not everyone makes goal and is successful within the same time frame. I agree with everyone who has replied. Don't beat yourself up. Be honest with yourself on what you need to change, get the help and guidance you need and move forward. You can do this. We all can. I have lost 164 pounds so far, if I don't lose another ounce have I failed? No. Because I'm still at a better weight and healthier than I was when I started. For me, failure would be to regain everything I've lost and do nothing about it, just accept being 386 pounds again. But as long as I'm not regaining and continuing to work at it I am not failing. And neither are you. You say you didn't get much guidance before or after? If I were you, I would be going back to my surgeon and their team and demanding some help.
Hang in there and don't hesitate to reach out. There are some awesome people on here with great advice.
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OP I remember pawoodhull (I think it was) once advising someone to pre fill out your food diary and follow it like a menu for the day. I know when I have struggled at times, I've remembered this and put it into place, even if only for a few days. It helps a lot.0
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OP I remember pawoodhull (I think it was) once advising someone to pre fill out your food diary and follow it like a menu for the day. I know when I have struggled at times, I've remembered this and put it into place, even if only for a few days. It helps a lot.
I pre-log my meals pretty often, and it really does help. Planning ahead has been an extremely crucial part of my success. For me, putting it down in black and white so to speak seems to take the pressure off and take the emotion out of it. It helps me to just do what I need to do. You CAN do this!0 -
OP I remember pawoodhull (I think it was) once advising someone to pre fill out your food diary and follow it like a menu for the day. I know when I have struggled at times, I've remembered this and put it into place, even if only for a few days. It helps a lot.
Yes that was me. I do much, much better if I plan my meals for the day. I take my food to work with me, breakfast, lunch, even a snack (just in case I want something). The only thing I don't preplan is dinner only because I don't usually cook, the husband does. Weekends are a little harder and I tend to undereat. But again, I do much, much better in my eating when I do the preplanning.
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pawoodhull wrote: »
Yes that was me. I do much, much better if I plan my meals for the day. I take my food to work with me, breakfast, lunch, even a snack (just in case I want something). The only thing I don't preplan is dinner only because I don't usually cook, the husband does. Weekends are a little harder and I tend to undereat. But again, I do much, much better in my eating when I do the preplanning.
I do better with planning some of the time. I definitely plan what I am taking to work for the day, but I do not plan days in advance or anything-- if I do that, I tend to "rebel"-- it is so weird!! Like if I "planned" to have tuna for lunch on Tues and get all resentful because I want tureky instead--- me and my crazy brain!!! So I take it a day at a time and see what I "feel" like each day. Sometimes I want something hot, sometimes cold, etc. I try to take a variety of foods n textures with me to work to be sure I am satisfied. It is working well so far! 0 -
[/quote]
I do better with planning some of the time. I definitely plan what I am taking to work for the day, but I do not plan days in advance or anything-- if I do that, I tend to "rebel"-- it is so weird!! Like if I "planned" to have tuna for lunch on Tues and get all resentful because I want tureky instead--- me and my crazy brain!!! So I take it a day at a time and see what I "feel" like each day. Sometimes I want something hot, sometimes cold, etc. I try to take a variety of foods n textures with me to work to be sure I am satisfied. It is working well so far![/quote]
Thaeda! You are so funny! I don't plan days in advance by any means. I plan that day for the day and pack what I'm going to eat. There has to be a certain amount of flexibility for me. If it gets too rigid, then like you, I start feeling uncomfortable with the process. I believe the goal to long term success is being able to make the plan work within your lifestyle and sometimes that means "going with the flow" so to speak.
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pawoodhull wrote: »
Thaeda! You are so funny! I don't plan days in advance by any means. I plan that day for the day and pack what I'm going to eat. There has to be a certain amount of flexibility for me. If it gets too rigid, then like you, I start feeling uncomfortable with the process. I believe the goal to long term success is being able to make the plan work within your lifestyle and sometimes that means "going with the flow" so to speak.
Happy to amuse. I agree there is a "safe zone" for me where planning feels good--- i tkeeps me from being anxious about too many cals. and it also allows me the freedom to eat what I like. Balance, balance, balance! 0 -
Hi Belle,
Wow iM so sorry to hear you feeling so low. But Im with Thaeda and some of the others. Ther's no turning back now. your only choice is to gain a ton of weight back or find a way to move forward the best way you can. I know I have had successes and setbacks along this journey. There were behaviors that I totally bought into because I believed they were right and at some point I came to realize that something had to change in order to continue progressing and break the physical; and emotional plateau. Please see the help of medical experts and focus on shifting your mindset. I had to that this month myself. I know you don't want to a regain and be miserable emotionally as well. You can still make better choices each day (better not perfect), you can still renew your thinking on this matter and you can still improve. Failure is something that happens not who you are.
God bless!0 -
Honestly there is not much that I can add to this except point out the fact that even without proper guidance, you still succeeded in losing 50lbs. That to me says a lot. One thing that brings most if not all of us here is for support. I have to say that without some kind of support system, the chances of success pretty much shrink to 0 over time. You are here now and you're one of us. We are all here for you. Sometimes things happen because it's just a genetic thing like becoming pre-diabetic. I strongly feel that you can get your mind right and start anew here with a great group of people that will support and help you in any way we can. Do not let yourself be defeated by this. Think back and remember what you wanted and why you wanted it. Pick your head up. You can pull through this.0
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