Advice on eating in mixed company
Jamielynn_77
Posts: 85 Member
When I had my VSG 4 years ago, I was a single mom with a very supportive little boy. We all changed out eating habits and I was very successful. I went from 320lbs to 182. I fell in love and started dating and went back up to 190-195. My goal is 160-165, and I try to get there, but now that I am the company of someone who doesn't have that worry, I eat differently and I am struggling to get back into good habits and get these last 25 pounds off. How do you guys handle eating in mixed company? Any advice?
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For non-family, just do what you need to do. For the most part, people don't really notice or care about what others are eating. A lot of people at work know about my surgery (I am pretty open about it) so there is curiosity, but nothing prying or uncomfortable. We just hosted our Superbowl party and I was taking small samples of the various offerings and no one either noticed or commented. At restaurants, I am always asking for a to got box early in the meal.
For family/serious relationships, I believe they need to be somewhat accommodating. I cook most of the meals for my family, so they have little choice but to eat what i cook, although other than making most of the recipes I cook more healthy, I still cook stuff for them that I won't eat much of. If others are doing the cooking, I would expect them to at least let me know what went into it so i can portion/log somewhat accurately.
I haven't dated in a looooong time, but I can see how that would be awkward if you are not to the point of sharing the reasons for your low intake. I would go with some sort of "watching what I eat, portion control is key" and happily eat and fill a to-go container.
Welcome to the groups!
Rob
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I have been dating someone for a little while. I started dating him after I had lost a lot and still had a lot more to lose. I was up front with him about my surgery and my dietary habits and he is very understanding. Sometimes he will eat a big plate of nachos while I eat a Quest bar, or sometimes we share food. Usually when we are going out to eat together, I have a general idea of where we will eat, and that gives me a chance to plan ahead. There are times when he wants something I want no part of, and I just tell him to go enjoy it and I will catch up with him later. No matter what he chooses to eat, I am still in control of what I eat and I make the best choices I can for myself. He also loves beer, and I don't drink at all, but that hasn't been an issue either. I will always do what I need to do, and it's never been an issue. Most people in my life don't have to manage their eating the way I do, but they have all been very supportive.0
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When with anyone (husband, kids, friends, co-workers) I eat what I need to eat within plan. If I choose to eat something off plan, it's not a big deal because it's not all the time. If I'm with someone who doesn't know about the surgery, like in a business setting, I still eat to plan. I've only had a few people ask if the food was OK because I'm eating so little. I just simply reassure them that the food is fine and I'm just not that hungry or it's a lot of food and I'm stuffed. Once you are comfortable enough with this person, you can share your journey. Until then just do what you need to do and don't feel like you have to justify it to anyone.
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I have shared with everyone that I had the surgery so it isn't an issue. My sis-in-law has not shared. She sometimes just orders an appetizer and says she isn't that hungry or had a big meal previously. Other times she orders a full meal and then says she gets full and takes the rest home. If I know where I am going to eat ahead of time, I usually check out the menu so I have a good idea going in of what fits into my eating plan and that is what I order.0
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I really don't have a problem sharing why I don't eat. My doctor gave me a card that explains the procedure I have had done, and that if allowed, to let me get smaller portions and that. I think my biggest struggle is watching everyone else eat and I have to try and remember not to. It was easy before, but now I cook for 3, and it is easier sometimes just to eat what everyone else is eating. @pawoodhull, how many calories are you consuming a day? I am trying to stay between 1000-1100 cals. I just need to be a stronger, more committed person! I loved myself enough to get this far, I have to finish what I started!
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Great question and some great answers. Totally agree with Pat on the co-worker situation.
When you're ready to explain your situation to your new relationship their support will be very beneficial. In my relationship we are completely different as how we eat, or when. The only meal we do together is dinner. He wants large, fat filled (butter/bacon grease flavoring) and I am trying to cut out the excess. I have learned to take my portions out before cooking his version. He does miss rice/potatoes/pasta, as I haven't been cooking them lately, but he will ask for them and I make a separate portion for him, and I have a different vegetable. (which he usually eats as well.)
Also, I find it difficult to eat slowly when I eat with him or mixed company. We get into discussion and I am not thinking about how fast I am eating. We basically eat in rhythm. (This probably sounds strange) He knows when I get up from the table during dinner, it isn't because I no longer want to talk, but because I need to stop eating. That I am full. I will move away from food when I am tempted, and he get's it. I have even asked that he put the leftovers away for me, because i don't trust myself on weak days.0 -
wow Judi! I never thought of doing that! Having someone else put the leftovers away. Or even cleaning up the table. I am a picker, so if there are leftovers, sometimes I find myself picking even tho I know I am full. Old habits die hard I guess. I used to be so good at that stuff but fell back into old habits. I am trying my best to get a new set of rules established.0
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I am eating around 1,000 calories per day. I fix and bring to work, so Monday-Friday, my breakfast and lunch. Dinner is whatever the husband decides to cook. We shop to my bariatric needs and his heart issue needs, but we primarily eat lean meat and a vegtable. I have a guide for myself that I want a certain amount of protein for the calories or I won't buy or make it. We take the grandkids out to breakfast on Sundays after church and I get a greek omlette or sometimes cornbeef hash and eggs, no toast or potatoes. I take about 1/2 home. We go out to dinner, I take about 1/2 home or he finishes it. I have a card also that asks to allow me to order off the kids menue, but I find it easier and healthier to just order regular and take 1/2 home. It's not heard and I rarely have to explain myself.0
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I don't treat eating in public or at the office cafeteria any differently than eating at home in front of my husband. At work I generally bring a frozen meal and some snacks. I usually read the paper or something so I eat slower anyhow. No one says anything about my tiny frozen meal that I only eat 2/3rds of. At restaurants I order what I want and box most of it up. If the server gives me the "OMG IS EVERYTHING OKAY?!" look I let her know that I eat five small meals a day and will eat the rest later at home. I don't have one of those restaurant cards, and a lot of places don't honor them anyhow. So I just get a to go box.0
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Eating out is as much about being social as having a meal, so I order what I want, but box up what's left when I get full. I'll also often ask if there are smaller portions available. A lot of people have eating issues/habits not related to WLS so most of the time I don't get any comments on my particular habits.0
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