Advice about boyfriend and motivation
ajudice525
Posts: 4 Member
First, a little about me:
I've been pretty thin all my life, mostly because of my height - I'm 5'8". When I graduated high school (I'm currently 23) I was about 120 lbs. I knew I'd gain some weight throughout college, because I knew I wasn't going to have as much time to be active between a full college schedule and working 30-40 hours a week. Thankfully, working as a waitress kept me on my feet and I only put on about 10 pounds in four years. After college, I moved basically across the country for my new job. I hadn't purposely exercised (with the exception of once or twice) since high school.
However, my new "big girl" job (as I call it, first full time, salaried position) consists of me sitting at a desk most of the day. Still, after a year of this job, I had only gained maybe another 3-5 pounds. So last summer I was about 135 lbs. Then I met my still current boyfriend. We began spending every day together, sharing almost all our meals together as well. He had just moved to the area, and was still settling in. And the relationship was still so new for the first few months. We ate out. All. The. Time. I don't like to cook, but he does, and when he would cook it was never healthy. Spaghetti, fried chicken, etc.
Then the holidays came. Another excuse not to eat well. Then we made the decision to move in together. Another excuse of being "too busy." One day I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was not happy. I decided to buy a scale. I had gained 10 pounds in 6 months. I was now at 145 lbs. That was on Monday.
Since then, I've been tracking calories and eating much, much healthier. I've almost lost a pound or two already. I'm also making a goal to exercise at least 3-4 times a week, which I've met already this week. Basically I want to get back to at least 125-130 lbs. Hopefully drop at least a pant size.
Now my tough thing is to get my boyfriend onboard. He's been saying he wants to lose as well (he has A LOT more to lose than me, he's a fairly large guy), but has not put forth the effort I have. We did go grocery shopping together last night and bought only good, healthy food and snacks. I am hoping this helps. Any advice on how to get him more motivated without outright saying, "You're getting fat" ???
Also, would love you hear your story!! What motivates you to lose weight?
I've been pretty thin all my life, mostly because of my height - I'm 5'8". When I graduated high school (I'm currently 23) I was about 120 lbs. I knew I'd gain some weight throughout college, because I knew I wasn't going to have as much time to be active between a full college schedule and working 30-40 hours a week. Thankfully, working as a waitress kept me on my feet and I only put on about 10 pounds in four years. After college, I moved basically across the country for my new job. I hadn't purposely exercised (with the exception of once or twice) since high school.
However, my new "big girl" job (as I call it, first full time, salaried position) consists of me sitting at a desk most of the day. Still, after a year of this job, I had only gained maybe another 3-5 pounds. So last summer I was about 135 lbs. Then I met my still current boyfriend. We began spending every day together, sharing almost all our meals together as well. He had just moved to the area, and was still settling in. And the relationship was still so new for the first few months. We ate out. All. The. Time. I don't like to cook, but he does, and when he would cook it was never healthy. Spaghetti, fried chicken, etc.
Then the holidays came. Another excuse not to eat well. Then we made the decision to move in together. Another excuse of being "too busy." One day I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was not happy. I decided to buy a scale. I had gained 10 pounds in 6 months. I was now at 145 lbs. That was on Monday.
Since then, I've been tracking calories and eating much, much healthier. I've almost lost a pound or two already. I'm also making a goal to exercise at least 3-4 times a week, which I've met already this week. Basically I want to get back to at least 125-130 lbs. Hopefully drop at least a pant size.
Now my tough thing is to get my boyfriend onboard. He's been saying he wants to lose as well (he has A LOT more to lose than me, he's a fairly large guy), but has not put forth the effort I have. We did go grocery shopping together last night and bought only good, healthy food and snacks. I am hoping this helps. Any advice on how to get him more motivated without outright saying, "You're getting fat" ???
Also, would love you hear your story!! What motivates you to lose weight?
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Replies
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Seems like we are in the same boat! I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves to cook (I hate it), and when I moved in with him I gained 10kg! I lost them again over the last 6 months but he weighs in at about 105kg (231lb), being 1,80m (5'9''). I'm worried for his health, he has trouble bending over to tie his shoes, and his resting pulse is very high. In general we eat quite healthy but the problem is that he eats huge portions and loves to snack all the time.
So far my good example has not quite rubbed off
but the health argument at least got him thinking, and he has been talking about losing weight recently. I'm grateful for any suggestion, too! 
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It's quite a touchy subject, as you wouldn't really like having your boyfriend telling you 'baby... I think you should lose some weight". What I would suggest is to ask him to go and workout with you. Spring is coming (depending on where you live, of course) and that's a great excuse to put on your running shoes and go for a run or a good walk a few times a week. You can also do this at night, after dinner! A great way to keep your metabolism going
So basically, I would suggest buying healthy food (which you already did) and take him with you on runs/walks and maybe after a bit he's into it and he will join your other workouts. If not, it's all up to him. You can't really force him to do anything. But this should definitely help! 0 -
My husband and I when we first started dating went through the same kind of thing, gaining weight from eating out all the time. I love running but it had been put on the back burner since meeting him, so I had asked him if he would sign up for a race with me. Just one half-marathon and if he hated it I would never bug him again. He agreed so I set up a training plan for us, which we both stuck to, and in the end he ended up liking running as well. Now 4 years later we still run together and are in the best shape of our lives So I guess my advice might be to try and find an activity you both like and can do together, and have it be about together time rather than him losing weight. 0
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Ditto!! My boyfriend is admittedly lazy, understandably he does work long hours (sometimes 14hr days, hard labour and outside all day.) I'm up at 5 30am every morning to go to the gym (mostly because I hate his alarm and I prefer to wake up before it scares the bejeeus out of me.) He's a big boy to start with, well over 6feet, but about 250lbs, he also smokes like a chimney, but since I have moved in with him, he has cut back on the smoking because I won't let him smoke in the house or my vehicle. I guess I have to pick my battles with him. He does go to the gym occasionally but it takes some nagging on my part. I try and cook healthy-ish meals but he does like his snack food, it's all a balancing act.0
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Guys are pretty mindless eaters. They eat what they want when they want it and are not picky about nutrition by nature. Is he on Myfitnesspal? That would help him the most to see what is actually in the foods he is making and eating. You can't out exercise a bad diet so I would focus more on the food consumption and look up healthy recipes and meal prep plans before getting him into the gym. Most likely when you two are eating better he will feel better and hopefully will want to be more active without you having to nag him. It's a tough spot to be in, I've been there before but after my old boyfriend lost 20-30lbs he was much happier and had better self esteem. Even though he hated it at first and got frustrated with me a lot in the beginning it was worth it. We started with food and then got into the gym 2-4 weeks later. Also having sex more often will help because he will see area for physical improvement and will have less stamina. I know that sounds bad but seriously a lot of guys get healthier to perform better in the bedroom. Hope this helps and good luck!0
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This is tough! My husband and I went through this went we first started dating.
You're doing a great job as far as nutrition goes, but in my experience, the motivation to workout and make the rest of the effort has to come from him. Lead by example, and like everyone else here has said, find active things to do together.0 -
Totally understand. My husband is diabetic too but still doesn't take his health seriously. I gained 20 lbs the first few months of marriage and still can't seem to get them off because when he makes something or gets something out I feel bad saying thanks but no thanks. And he has been talking about starting 2 work out together and whatnot but when time comes there is always some excuse. Aaah! What to do? I've worked hard and lost 120 lbs and I don't want to go back. I have 35 to go soon close and I wish he would do this w me.0
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Suggest a workout routine together. Dress sexy and run the treadmill, maybe seeing you in action will motivate him to be fit and make healthier choices.0
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After I lost 40+ lbs my husband started asking me questions about calories, etc, and before long he was watching what he ate and exercising regularly. I never said a thing to him (he wasn't especially large anyway, just had developed a belly and some love handles!), other than telling him how many calories a calculator said it would take to maintain a healthy weight for him. He noticed the difference in my weight and fitness and "ran" with it. He has lost most of the belly now.
Now I have the opposite problem--I am struggling not to regain (guess what, I can't eat nearly as much as I did before and expect to maintain! It is like I am still on a diet). He has very little sympathy for the fact that my calorie allowance is so low, and even gets annoyed at me because I have to"worry about it". There are some things in life that just aren't fair.
My advice is don't bother him about it, just set a good example.
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My boyfriend was this same way!
Never fat or anything, but certainly could lose a little. I think they call it Skinny Fat... anyway, just last night he picks up the milk at the grocery store and says, "170 calories for Chocolate milk! And it's all high fructose corn syrup! No way."
My jaw dropped. After months of talking about calories and having him literally make jokes about it the whole way through... he finally began to take it seriously without even realizing it. It will rub off on him! It just takes time 0 -
I've been married 20 years and my dh is a bigger guy with a body type that will NEVER be in a healthy BMI range (broad shoulders, long torso, shorter legs). He also is very very sensitive about his body.
Remember that men can have negative body image just like women, and maybe moreso because all the talk we hear in the media these days about body image is geared toward women not men.
So, my advice is to be a good example. Take turns cooking so you can cook healthy meals. Have healthy snacks in the house. Encourage him to join you being active. Maybe if you are seriously concerned about his weight have a "I love you and want you to be around for a long long time" talk. But then drop it and NEVER NAG.
You can't force someone to lose weight if they just don't want to. But hopefully by giving him a good example and opportunities to get healthy he will make that decision.0 -
He'll get the idea...0
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my hubby is recovering from knee surgery (ACL replacement) so I think he is a little low on self esteem right now because he can't be as active as he would like and he has gained a few pounds (meanwhile I am shedding them off at the gym 6 days a week). Even though we have different goals right now it is important to stay positive and supportive for one another.0
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I started on my health journey last October after having a much needed surgery. I have really dialed it in with a new program and I'm actually seeing results! All that being said my husband doesn't eat really really bad but definitely could do better. I will throw things in every now and then and remind him my son and i need him around for a long time! I'm short so I need help reaching the top shelves so if he is cooking fried chicken I will specifically ask him to grab me something, then I say "to much of that fried junk and you won't be here to help me reach my granola, then how am I gonna make it through the day?! I need my granola!!" He just laughs and says I'm silly.... Well after this "hint dropping" he started researching all the junk that is added to his food and now he has created a guideline for things he will and won't put in his body!! NO PREACHING NEEDED!!0
