Asking for support! (Restrictive eating habits)
alskarani
Posts: 83
Hi everyone.
I thought I'd share my struggle here. I'm finding myself becoming more and more restrictive. When I check calorie content of foods, I'm finding it difficult to be ok with foods that I eat more than 100 calories of at a time. (Which I know is most!) I want them to be below that.
I'm also now really scared to go above 800 a day, and 600 is looking like the new "right" number, but I don't want to do that!
I need some help!
I thought I'd share my struggle here. I'm finding myself becoming more and more restrictive. When I check calorie content of foods, I'm finding it difficult to be ok with foods that I eat more than 100 calories of at a time. (Which I know is most!) I want them to be below that.
I'm also now really scared to go above 800 a day, and 600 is looking like the new "right" number, but I don't want to do that!
I need some help!
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Replies
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What are you eating on average right now? How many calories I mean. Are you losing or gaining and what is your goal: to lose, maintain or gain? We are here to help! Well, as much as we can being that we have ED's too.0
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gotobedhungry wrote: »Find a therapist? 800 is already too low to be healthy. 600 will be worse. I did 300-800 for years and it wasn't good. Not to say that I've got all my *kitten* together. But still, I know that's what you should do... You know deep down that you need to get some help.
That is good advice. I see a therapist now. Also I suffer from severe anxiety and depression and I think it started with my unhealthy eating habits. It's like you go along eating low calories and think everything is okay until your body starts falling apart. I broke bones very easily (my t12 and my ribs) from things that shouldn't have broken them. I was tired and depressed. I isolated. My hair on my face grew white fuzz probably to keep me warm. I had chest pain, brittle hair and bad breath. So now I know it's not worth it. It all catches up to you.0 -
I'm eating around 800. I'm losing and would like to lose (and I'm not anywhere near underweight, ha), and I do know deep down that 800 is not enough, but I gain when I go up to 1000. It scares me. I CAN'T gain.
I am going to an IOP for treatment. It's just starting.0 -
Good for you for going into treatment. It's hard to give up your control. I understand about going over an amount like 1000 and gaining. That is why my nutritionist is helping me rev up my metabolism so my body reacts to food correctly...burns it! I too started at 900 cals a day and am now at 1300, just about to start 1400 and I haven't gained. It's hard to trust. Keep working at it.0
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I'm eating around 800. I'm losing and would like to lose (and I'm not anywhere near underweight, ha), and I do know deep down that 800 is not enough, but I gain when I go up to 1000. It scares me. I CAN'T gain.
I am going to an IOP for treatment. It's just starting.
That gain is temporary hon, it's water weight. Trust me, there is no way you will be gaining actual weight on 1000 cals a day. Restrictive eating makes you bat shite crazy, along with all the physical harm it does to you. If you can't cope with the idea of eating more than 100 cals at a time, can you try to do that at least ten times a day? Like lots of little snacks? That's pretty much how I dragged myself out of my last restrictive episode, though I wasn't concentrating on calories, I just couldn't handle big amounts, so I went for nutrient-dense stuff little and often.
I honestly do believe that recovery is going to be much, much easier for you if you commit to maintaining for a while, just a few months while you establish a healthy relationship with food again. Doing that while trying to lose is just too hard imho. Just increase your cals a little at a time (like 100 per week) until your weight levels out. As Minipony said, she's done that and hasn't gained.0 -
Nony, thanks for your reply.
The thing is...I'm not losing all that fast. I've only lost .6 pounds the last 5 days, and something like 13 since the middle or end of January. So, I must be eating more than I think? I'm afraid to up my calories, because what if I'm already eating way too much? I weigh and measure what I can, but there are some things that I have to guess the amounts of.
I figure I should not eat more unless I start losing drastically? I don't know if I could handle maintenance right now...I feel really, really super unhappy with my body, and only have peace of mind if I'm losing!0 -
Okay, though actually 13lb since the end of Jan is not slow!! I really, really would like to see you eating a bit more, but I will settle for you not restricting any further for now
. What about maybe allowing yourself a treat of some sort over and above your usual food at the weekend or something? Doesn't have to be high cal, like a single serve of low fat gelato or something? Or even an extra piece of fruit?
You are definitely not eating too much hon.0 -
Have you seen the nutritionist yet?0
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I could try that. It's all calories in my head, though. I mean, the way I'm thinking about it...so even an apple at 100 calories feels really scary! But maybe at the end of the week, on Sunday night, I could eat something extra above the 800. I'll try!
I did see the dietician for an intake. She didn't set any goals for me except to come back. She said that first we'd work on developing rapport and trust. I'm really shy and have a hard time trusting people in general! But she was so gentle, I think I'm going to be able to trust her! I really like her! I go again next Monday.
I don't know how she's going to help me, though. The unknowns are all so overwhelming for me. I don't know if I should ask questions, or just let her take the lead, and try to follow and trust her?0 -
I think when I went through IOP I had to just give my trust over to them. I saw great results with other people. What did I have to lose? I was pretty much at rock bottom. I'm working on trust with my psychologist. She says that if I work on stopping my negative thoughts about myself, eventually they will be less and less. It's hard for me to trust her. I'm just saying I know how you feel, but to get maximum benefits one has to give up some of their control.0
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Ok, good. Most likely she will work with you to set appropriate meal plans, which will almost certainly include increasing your calorie intake (but not all at once). If you have questions, then by all means ask them! But if you're more comfortable letting her take the lead that is fine. I just don't want to suggest anything to you that goes against what she is saying
In a way it might be good that your restrictive block is with the number of calories, rather than specific foods. Possibly easier to focus in inching that number up over time than reintroducing foods or food groups. I really don't know! But it does make it easy for the lots of small snacks idea.0 -
Great points nony. What do you do for a living? You are really good with your words and helping people.0
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Great points nony. What do you do for a living? You are really good with your words and helping people.
Haha, I think it's years of therapy (well, not years, but a lot when I was younger) and the academic/teacher in me. I was a teaching assistant throughout my Masters. I actually wanted to be a psychologist when I first went to uni. Then I did 1st year pysch
. But I have a pretty analytical mind, which helps with looking at stuff like this (and honestly probably helped me a lot with my own recoveries). 0 -
Yeah, thanks nony!
I think I'd like her to take the lead.
I'm not good at helping myself at the moment. I'll let you know what she says or has me do.
Well, it IS specific foods and food groups, too, but it's also calories. And it's weird things...I can eat full fat yogurt and peanut butter, but chicken terrifies me. I can eat veggies, but bread or things like that I don't eat easily. Weird rules for different categories. Fruits are hit and miss.
But now I'm babbling. I hope the nutritionist can help me!0 -
She will be able to, I'm sure. 0
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And again, you are helping you. You are still here, you are doing your IOP, and you are seeing the nutritionist, even though all of those things are scary.
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Ok, I'm going to risk being redundant here. Are you SURE I should eat more? I'm trying to measure everything accurately, and yesterday I ate, let's estimate a little high, 700 calories, and walked for about 40 minutes, and was running around at work, and this morning i was 0.8 lbs (0.36kg) heavier than I was yesterday.
I know this probably is crossing multiple barriers into obsession, but this worries me! Even if this is just water weight, why would I gain if my body does need more calories than that (and if starvation mode is a myth, which I know is!)
I'm just afraid to eat more, and the fear is multiplied by a billion when I've gained...0 -
Yes, I am absolutely, 100% sure. There could be loads of reasons why your weight was up this morning. Weight fluctuates an actually quite impressive amount from day to day, it's not linear. This is why I think you should put the scales away, or at least only weigh once a week, because you're not able to handle those normal day to day fluctuations.
Just look at Minipony, she has slowly increased her intake under the guidance of her nutritionist, and hasn't gained weight doing it.
In terms of why you would gain water weight when you increase calories, I think I'm right that an increase in carbs will initially result in some fluid retention (please don't take this to mean you should limit carbs!! It's temporary), also there's a good chance that with undereating you are chronically dehydrated, we get a lot of our water from food, so you will retain fluid because that's a natural defense mechanism.
Honestly, the physical effects of what you are doing are just horrendous (if you want me to do the tough love thing and get more blunt with what is going to happen to your body just say!), not to mention the mental/emotional effects. You will cope a lot better with everything when you are properly nourished.
Another damn good reason to work on that increase back to 1200 cals, if the MFP mods read that you are severely restricting it's highly likely that they will ban you for promoting a very low cal diet (even if that's not what you are actually doing), and there goes one of your support avenues. That's a pretty good reason to eat more, yes?0 -
I was going to do this really cool pictorial using a kitchen sponge to demonstrate dehydration for you, but my sponge isn't all dried out, so you'll have to use your imagination
Okay, so you know how if you don't use your kitchen sponge for a few days it gets all hard and dried out? Picture it all sad and dry. Now, if you try to use the sponge in that state, it doesn't work very effectively until it's absorbed some moisture. It can't do its job properly. But if you wet it first and wring out the excess, it works perfectly. It needs to be hydrated. Now of course the hydrated sponge is going to weight more than the dried up one, but it can't perform effectively in that dried out state. And it looks really sad.
So yes, you may well gain some weight when you start eating more. It is water not fat. Your body needs it to function properly. And to start with your body is going to hold onto more than it needs, but then it will go 'oh, okay, getting enough now, I don't need to cling to all of that. It will however keep what it needs to be in a healthy hydrated state. All you are doing by continuing in a dehydrated state for the sake of a couple of pounds that isn't even fat is hurting yourself, including putting extra strain on your kidneys.0 -
Ok, omg, the scariest part of your whole post to me was the possibility of being shut down and losing support through this site! Haha, maybe kind of twisted. No, I don't think I could handle the "tough love" honesty about what might be happening to my body...that just makes me panic with anxiety, which in turn leads to...well, you know...restricting.
Sigh. I talked with the folks at the IOP about what things could help me a little more, and they decided to have me meet with the dietician once a week instead of once every two weeks to jump start things. Hopefully this will help! I'm pretty lost on my own.
Poor sponge bob. Poor my own body, I guess. I can tell I'm dehydrated a lot of the time. It's hard to drink enough water (I'm not really sure why? Feel of full tummy?)
Ok, I'm starting to scare myself a little. I wish I could figure out how to use that as a motivation instead of a discouragement, because generally I just give up hope when I feel I've already done damage.
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Thought that might work. Okay, I will keep the 'tough love' in my back pocket for now. I think seeing the dietician once a week is a great idea, and I am so proud of you for talking to the IOP people about what you need right now. I think having something from the dietician in terms of a meal plan will really help you.
Re water, a sipper bottle might be useful for you. Have it with you at all times, and just sip away. Start off with a goal to get through one bottle a day, and work up. Soon it will become habit.
Don't give up hope. Yes, there is some damage, but nothing irreversible at this stage. Big (((hugs))).0 -
I tried to be a little more free today with what I ate. (I got on the scale this morning, and I was almost 3 lbs down from a couple days ago, which makes about 4lbs in the past week. This scared me a little.)
BUT, I'm feeling anxious now that maybe I ate too much.
I hate feeling trapped like this. Grocery shopping is a nightmare, cooking is no fun. (And I love cooking more than almost anything in the world!) I want normal back! But it's not so easy.
I don't know what I'm trying to say, really. Just feeling a bit discouraged. 0 -
(((((hugs))))) I wish I could just magically make it all better for you.
Take some of those things you've said - you want to enjoy cooking again, you want to feel normal - and use those as your motivation for getting well. When that voice in your head tells you you ate too much, think of those things. Will restrictive eating help you achieve those? No. Think of it this way, you have the willpower to restrict, right? Well you also have it in you to tell the ED thoughts to go *kitten* themselves.
And yes, 4lbs in a week is far, far too much. And proof positive that you are under-eating (told ya ). 0 -
One thing my nutritionist has been having me do is eat every 2 to 3 hours. We are training my body to be burning food throughout the day. So even when I started at 900 calories. I had a breakfast, a snack, lunch, snack, dinner and snack. They all consisted of a carb, fat, and protein. I was training my body that it is going to get food and in the correct proportions. This really helped get my body away from slow mode lol, and conserving energy to burning energy. The hardest part was eating when I wasn't hungry. However, the days I skipped a snack or didn't eat the correct ratio of fats, protein etc. because I thought I would save calories, I ended up eating far more at night. Believe me I'm still freaked out about 1400 - 1500. I have to remember that I started at 800-900 cals and so far I still weigh 107.0
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