so, coming up for air after a few days of ridiculous choices. realizing that I am, in fact, a binge eater. not just when I have 'trigger' foods around. thus far in my life, i've attempted to maintain a semblance of control by only bingeing on vegetables. and i must pause to define bingeing for myself: eating for the sensation of being full, for comfort, for the activity of it rather than because it is time for your body to receive nutrition. i just decided to take a break from eating high fat, low carb, low protein, because at the end of every day, i was dyyyying for some carbs. so, on top of like 3-5 avocados that day, steak, and cheese, I'd have 3 or more bowls of cocoa krispies. and after that, you're so full and feel so gross, that you're like, 'why not some toast and butter? times 6! might as well have some peanut butter and jelly since I haven't had that in a million years and, 'i might never again, after this'...sooo addictive/destructive behavior pattern ish.
so. for me, no high fat whatever diets.
but also, all this fake food i'm eating is embarrassing: fake parkay butter spray and creamer in my coffee.
kids and husband are about to return from eating out,so going to just throw this out there. anyway, my pattern seems to be:

get to a low place, like this.

get serious about logging, planning and do that for a few days.

start feeling better and get distracted by a diet fad...or, thinking I can eat enough avocados to never want another piece of bread of bowl of cereal again...not going to happen.

i just need something yummy to look forward to at the end of the day. maybe it is just psychological. for me, tonight, its a pint of arctic zero ice cream. and my tummy is very full of cauliflower and broccoli and butter spray already. and i don't know if i will lose weight eating like that. but i do know it's the only sane way i can deal w/ this disorder. right now.

oh, and also, i lock up the carbs at night so i dont wake up and eat them.

anyone out there relate to any of this?