Update~ at heybales recommendation, I'll go up 250cal over two weeks so I can more quickly *kitten* what my body does with the increased calories.

I am trying to get up to 2700-2900 this week- have had three days of success with it. Will see in a couple of weeks what the scale does.

Will do!

Week 3 update
Stayed between 2600-2800cal/day this week. Getting easier to eat that amount of food without feeling bloated. I still never feel hungry. I really enjoying eating again! I don't feel guilty about it anymore. What a bad head space to be in that was.

I plan to eat at that level for awhile, because I was on a low calorie diet for about 6 months prior to increasing my calories. Trying my best at a proper reset. I am wondering if my TDEE really is even higher than 2700 because I still haven't really had what I consider a real gain. My starting weight was 145, dipped down briefly 143, and currently at 146. This is within normal fluctuation range AND my period is schedule to start today, and I always go up 1-2lbs for a few days before/beginning of my period.

I'm not panicking at all about scale weight anymore. I don't know how I turned that voice off in my head. I wish I had tips for other people struggling with it, but for some reason it just clicked that it doesn't matter as much as I thought it does. I think it was seeing a picture of someone who looked really fit and they were 10-15lbs heavier than they used to be. Up/down doesn't bother me. It's more like a puzzle now. What's my actual TDEE and how many calories will I have to increase by before I find it? Its interesting. I don't have a "goal weight" so much anymore.... there are some places I would like to lose fat, but if I can lose the fat and but not lose scale weight, that's fine with me. If I can't lose the fat, I think I'll be okay with it. I look and feel so much healthier than I did before. My bra's getting looser. I can't say I am happy about that, but it's telling me that I'm loosing fat from chest/bust area.

I workout a lot. I like it. Strength training helps me feel strong. Cardio helps soothe my anxious and busy mind. I also love watching tv, it's one of my favorite hobbies. I can pop some tv program on my iPhone and play it while I do my cardio. Double the fun. What I am training for? Hmmm... life I guess. Zombie apocalypse maybe? Both cardio/strength help me as a nursing student. I remembered this week that I have a joint condition and that even if my muscles can lift heavy, my joints can't really take the pressure. I was in a lot of pain twice. I did it to myself once, said I wouldn't do it again, and then did it again to test it out. I need to lift as heavy as I can without hurting my joints. Posting it here just to say it again. Sometimes I forget about my issues when I'm at the gym, and it totally bites me in the *kitten* the next day.

Found some new podcast that are helping me learn more along my journey! Loving Nia Shanks "Lift Like a Girl" and also discovered on of my favorite blogs "No Meat Athlete" has a podcast. I tried out the Jillian Michaels podcast but it wasn't really my thing. If anyone has any health and fitness podcasts they love, I would like to hear them!

I'm finding that MFP friends who are eating more than 1200-1600 seem to be happier people. At least that's what they are portraying online. My MFP friends doing low calorie diets are often stressed out and have feelings of guilt when they "totally over did it" by eating 1800 calories. I'm starting to feeling really disconnected from them. I'm trying to point people in this direction, but I know personally, I wouldn't have listened to me 4 months ago.

I had some big NSV's this week:

• 
  I fit into my goal pants and I wore them out! This wasn't possible three weeks ago, they fit but were too tight to move in.

• 
  I am on Scooby's push-up plan, and I finally managed (for the first time!) to do five sets of 20 knee push-ups with proper form. I had to start my push-ups over because I realized my form was just awful when I was doing standard push-ups. Had to drop back to my knees and start again

• 
  I started working on the benching the bar two weeks ago, and benched 55lbs this week! Was very proud of that. Was pretty steady with it and didn't need the clips this time.

I am leaving March 26 to go to Montana for most of the week visiting family, so I will be doing a lot of guessing and quick add calories to my diary. Montana isn't really known for it's fantastic vegetarian selection, so we'll see how it goes! Will be doing a lot of family gathering, which I am not used to and a lot of eating. Thankfully, I think my TDEE is high enough that it won't mess me up to much. I already have my workouts planned so that I can get some exercise in while I am there!