Anyone else in a surprise pregnancy?
Options
NikkiSixGuns
Posts: 630 Member
Hoping to find someone out there that can relate. My husband and I have been married ten years and never really got to the point of wanting to raise children. We always said "maybe someday," but someday never came. We've been perfectly happy and satisfied as a couple. As we watched all of our friends and family start their families we never felt the desire to expand our own.
I never went off birth control, so we're both shocked that I got pregnant anyway. Since finding out it's been weird. We should be excited, but haven't felt it. There has just been a lot of apprehension. We haven't shared the news with any of our friends or family because they will be (understandably) excited, and I don't know how to handle that. Not sure how to cope with others being excited about something that I'm not excited about and while all sources say that I should be.
My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and we are very financially stable, so I don't have any fears about our capacity or resources to be parents.
Oddly, even though I never wanted to be a mom, since becoming pregnant I have felt a powerful sense of protectiveness for our child. Seems contradictory. And I am happy for our parents, who will be thrilled. My parents have no grandchildren (my only sibling is unable to have children, so it's been up to my husband and me if there were to be any) so I know they will be especially overjoyed.
I have zero doubt that I will love this child. But I'm still pretty freaked out.
I never went off birth control, so we're both shocked that I got pregnant anyway. Since finding out it's been weird. We should be excited, but haven't felt it. There has just been a lot of apprehension. We haven't shared the news with any of our friends or family because they will be (understandably) excited, and I don't know how to handle that. Not sure how to cope with others being excited about something that I'm not excited about and while all sources say that I should be.
My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and we are very financially stable, so I don't have any fears about our capacity or resources to be parents.
Oddly, even though I never wanted to be a mom, since becoming pregnant I have felt a powerful sense of protectiveness for our child. Seems contradictory. And I am happy for our parents, who will be thrilled. My parents have no grandchildren (my only sibling is unable to have children, so it's been up to my husband and me if there were to be any) so I know they will be especially overjoyed.
I have zero doubt that I will love this child. But I'm still pretty freaked out.
0
Replies
-
Yes, I was in your shoes this summer.
My husband and I have been together for 11 years, we are in a happy stable relationship, financially stable, bit of savings, home owners and that sort of thing. There's no reason we feared being able to take care of a child. We had on occasion talked about having a child 'some day' but we never really decided on it. Honestly I pictured us putting it off for years and adopting when we were older. When we first found out, we both panicked and cried for an entire weekend. We sort of mourned the loss of our simple, responsibility free life together. We thought about what would change, how we might change as a couple.
We didn't tell anyone until after 14 weeks, we wanted to wait on the down syndrome/heart defect scan because we figured if there was something wrong with the pregnancy then it wasn't worth opening a dialog with people who had given up on the idea of us having children. (IE my mother in law and grandmother). I don't like to tell people I know it was unplanned because my older friends struggled with having children and everything was going so well with it being my first/only pregnancy.
When I saw my healthy 14 week old baby girl's little legs kicking on the ultrasound monitor, something snapped in my brain. It was no longer this thing that had happened, I was looking at this tiny little person. I felt like I needed to protect her. I named her that day (we didn't know for 4 more weeks it was a girl but we both started referring to her as 'her' or by name before it was confirmed.)
Most of the time since then I've been optimistic, we've made plans for her and set up a her little room. We've read stories and talked to my stomach. I've sang her songs and said comforting things when we've gone over a rough bump in the car or when I bumped into something. Yet some days (this is no joke) I think to myself 'Is this really happening?' 'How is this possible' 'Have I just hallucinated this all?' It comes and it goes, luckily the further along I get the less it happened.
I'm nearly 34 weeks now and having a complication (so far just massive swelling but it could be preeclampsia), I was told that I could have her as soon as Wednesday and if not I will get an update on a week to week basis. I'm scared of the new responsibility, I've cared for children and people before so I'm not worried that I won't know how or anything. I just never pictured myself as an actual mother before, having a child of my own. One that will never go home to her real family, she will live in our house, look like us and call us her parents. Even today, knowing tomorrow I could get the word that it's time. I'm still a little scared, and I am genuinely not ready. I really could have used the extra month to prepare for her.
I know I will love her, I feel like I already do in some way. I know I will be so happy once she's here and I am excited most of the time, but it's still surreal at times. It likely will still feel odd to me for the first few weeks but I'm sure it will pass. I think it would have been different if I had not been broadsided by it.
I think once the shock wears off you will be more excited, maybe not as much as someone who planned or tried for a very long time but I don't think how you feel during your pregnancy has any bearing over the sort of mother you will be. No one can tell you how to feel, so don't feel guilty if you still freak out occasionally as time goes on. I have tried not to at least.0 -
My first pregnancy (and this one too!) was a surprise. I had just met my husband 12/28/08, first date on 1/5/09, moved in together in April, and found out we were pregnant on 5/17/09. I was devastated. I was told I had PCOS and the likelihood I'd get pregnant without fertility treatments was "slim to none." I had been 8 years with unprotected sex from my other partners and never gotten pregnant, so I wasn't worried. I was on birth control when I met my now-husband but I was having awful migraines so I decided to get off, and he agreed with me that I should discontinue the medication. We were both fully aware of the potential of doing so, but again... I hadn't gotten pregnant in 8 years so I wasn't too concerned.
I went to my OB on 5/17/09 because I was having some mild cramping around my left ovary and figured I just had a giant cyst. But nope, it was implantation and a growing uterus. I even had that infamous implantation bleeding and my nipples were SO sore it hurt to even take a shower... but none of that even came to my mind that I was even remotely possibly pregnant. My period was only 2 days late (normal for someone with PCOS). Since I had just met my husband 4 months prior, I was devastated. My first response to the OB was to ask for a list of abortion clinics. I was terrified that my husband would think I tricked him in to this. My dad swears that is what happened with my mom, and I was distraught that this was now my fate too.
My now-husband tried calling me repeatedly while I was driving home but I refused to talk to him. I was seriously hysterical. When I got to the apartment, he was waiting for me and very worried. I was still crying hysterically and then handed him the pregnancy test that showed positive. He started smiling SO big and was like, "THIS IS WONDERFUL NEWS! Is that IT?!" and I told him yes. He was relieved because he thought I had cancer and was about to die or something with the way that I had acted.
For a few weeks, I contemplated an abortion. Sure, I loved this guy and had moved in with him in just 3 months... so I knew he was special. But nonetheless, it's still a scary thought to have a child with someone in just 4 months. But after thinking it through, we kept it. I was never really excited per se. I was so busy at the time that I didn't have time to get excited about a baby. I was working full time as a RN in a emergency department, going to school full time, then I had to buy a new car, and then also purchase a car that I had leased 3 years prior. After we found out we were pregnant, we started looking for a house and purchased that in October... and finally had enough time to get married in December. So I went from a first date on 1/5/09, to married by 12/16/09.
Finally, January 11th 2010 came and it was time to deliver. I had a c-section, and when they pulled my son out and he started crying, I also started crying.. and I said, "oh my god, they weren't kidding. There was a baby in there!"
But as soon as I saw him........ I was so in love. His cry made me cry from happiness. Just because you aren't excited now doesn't mean you won't be. Give it time. It may take you until he's born like it did me. That's OK!!
My first son is 4, almost 5 now and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He is my life. But I am now 31 weeks pregnant with my second son and felt something was off in June, so tested the day before my period and it was positive. I am terrified at the thought of having two.. How can you love your second as much as your first?? I love my first SO much, I'm not sure if I have capacity to love another one the same... But from what I've read, you do lol.. It's just a fear of mine... and I know as soon as he's born, I will love him just as much as my first. But for now.. I'm scared
0 -
Duplicate0
-
Thank you both for sharing. It's good to know that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling.
I'm almost seventeen weeks and have seen the baby twice via ultrasound. Both times were pretty surreal... There was a twinge of excitement that dissipated almost immediately back into the "oh no" sensation I've had all along.
Sheepotato, when you said you mourned the loss of your simple, responsibility-free life together, and when you said you both cried, I knew you could relate. "Mourning" is the word I've been using to describe to my husband how I feel. I'm sad for the loss of the life we thought we were building together: one that was exclusive of children and allowed us to dream big. A life without all the acts of parenting that many are desperate to participate in, but have never appealed to me at all. I appreciate that you came out and shared.0 -
I just got married in May 2014 and we were planning to start trying for a baby at the end of 2015 after my husband finished his PHD, however a frisky Christmas day after too much wine and the knock on effect of a law exam I was sitting in Jan hiked my cycle forward and we are accidentally pregnant. He's quite pleased with himself, I am still getting to grips with it and trying to sort out all the financial practicalities in advance. Thankfully I can support all three of us on my maternity salary if it comes to it. My in-laws however, will sulk from high heavens that I am already pregnant (despite it being their son who is against contraception in marriage!!). Can't win.0
-
My partner and I are 15 years apart. We have only been together for 4 years. While we want children, we wanted to get married and move to a larger home first. We were taking preventative methods,but, obviously, they failed. I had switched birth control because the previous one was not a high enough hormone dose. I guess the replacement wasn't either. I was worried to tell him,but he was really excited. We are both thrilled. I was 18 weeks yesterday. My last ultrasound was at 8 weeks. I will have another in 7 days,and we will find out the gender then!0
-
Like you guys, I sort of settled into the idea of a simple life working, traveling and being an auntie I never married and figured the parenting I did with my teenage foster daughter would be the extent of it. What a surprise to find out I'm pregnant at 44. (Due at 45.) I've been seeing my partner for 4 years but we are both musicians and were Ok with an unconventional relationship. Being 45 I've have many health risks to consider which (along with the taking away of my freedom card) have left me with a slightly heavy and surreal feeling. I totally get the fluctuations between hope, joy and utter terror and sadness.0
-
Similar. I've been with my partner two years. Good jobs. No major financial worries. I was on birth control and only found out I was expecting due to being illl and diagnosed with whooping cough. It was a shock to us both. Lots of reads and upset but we got our heads round it and now can't wait. Agree with all the mourning, I had plans that have to change. It's ok to be sad about that. It doesn't mean I want this new change any less. Just a way of coping. Now due July 20150
-
My story is a little different, but yes I was surprised with both pregnancies. With my first I had only been married and living together for 6 months. We knew we wanted kids but we were thinking at least a year do the road. At the time though it was great I was growing sick of my job and couldn't wait for mat leave. this time around my little was only 8 months old when we found out and I really didn't want to have babies so close together. It took a little getting used to and know I won't fully believe it's happening until I see the little jelly bean on ultrasound but I'm slowly getting more and more excited. sometimes the biggest "disturbance" in your life can be one of your greatest defining moments. 0
-
This was definitely a surprise. My husband and I wanted another child, but when I didn't conceive again after my son, we gave up hope after a few years. Fast forward to now: I'm 40, our son is 12 and in 7th grade, and we're starting to make our plans for what we'll do after he goes to college in a few years... and I turn up pregnant. Everyone around us is super excited, but those of us who will actually have to live with the baby are still coming to terms with how our lives and futures are going to change.0
