feeling defeated
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runningcat38
Posts: 6
Suffered with BED on and off for many years.
Went down to a low weight 2 years ago and maintained for over a year through strict diet and exercise. It was too low though and I had some health issues.
I've gained weight now and people tell me I look better and according to the charts I am now at a healthy weight but I feel enormous. The weight has been gained by binges, not controlled diet and its a horrible feeling. I can eat 10,000 cals on a binge day and will literally eat all day until I can take no more in.
I am continuing to gain weight and its like I cant stop it now. I still binge and those binges are equating to the weight gain. I try hard to work it off after a binge but it just doesn't shift. Another binge and its another 1-2lb on.... and so it goes on. I have gained nearly 1 stone in the last month alone due to a few binges and a 4 day break where i didn't exercise and had the usual holiday food/wine indulgence.
I used to be such a fast runner when i was lighter and now I struggle to run at all. Ran my slowest half marathon in years today. I have a marathon in 2 weeks and and I feel such pressure as I know I wont be able to get anywhere near my best time. People expect me to be so fast and were so surprised when they saw my time today. I worked so hard to get fit and it feels like it's all slowly unravelling.
Really trying to get back on that horse and just keep plugging away but it's hard when it's possible to gain weight so quickly and easily... I feel like giving up.
Clothes don't fit and I am embarrassed to meet friends and am dreading going back to work tomorrow as I know they will notice my weight gain. I have stopped dating as I feel no-one will ever find me attractive being this way.
Sorry for the offload.. I just don't know what to do to stop all this.
Went down to a low weight 2 years ago and maintained for over a year through strict diet and exercise. It was too low though and I had some health issues.
I've gained weight now and people tell me I look better and according to the charts I am now at a healthy weight but I feel enormous. The weight has been gained by binges, not controlled diet and its a horrible feeling. I can eat 10,000 cals on a binge day and will literally eat all day until I can take no more in.
I am continuing to gain weight and its like I cant stop it now. I still binge and those binges are equating to the weight gain. I try hard to work it off after a binge but it just doesn't shift. Another binge and its another 1-2lb on.... and so it goes on. I have gained nearly 1 stone in the last month alone due to a few binges and a 4 day break where i didn't exercise and had the usual holiday food/wine indulgence.
I used to be such a fast runner when i was lighter and now I struggle to run at all. Ran my slowest half marathon in years today. I have a marathon in 2 weeks and and I feel such pressure as I know I wont be able to get anywhere near my best time. People expect me to be so fast and were so surprised when they saw my time today. I worked so hard to get fit and it feels like it's all slowly unravelling.
Really trying to get back on that horse and just keep plugging away but it's hard when it's possible to gain weight so quickly and easily... I feel like giving up.
Clothes don't fit and I am embarrassed to meet friends and am dreading going back to work tomorrow as I know they will notice my weight gain. I have stopped dating as I feel no-one will ever find me attractive being this way.
Sorry for the offload.. I just don't know what to do to stop all this.
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Replies
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I'm not sure what to say that can help you but I feel your pain. For me getting of the binging cycle is somewhat easier when I concentrate on health over a number on the scale.0
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This is how I feel too. I'm always fighting back against the backslide that wants to undo all of my weight loss I worked so hard to achieve. I felt how you do and I started going to therapy which has helped alot. You just gotta remember that things only get better if you fight against the binge and if im going down with the ship, im going down swinging0
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Gosh but you are still out there running halves and fulls - that is a great achievement in itself that most others can not do - so in that way you are unique and in control of that part of your life and all the training that goes towards those events.0
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Thanks all. It's a daily battle and its tiring!
Hoping I will feel better in a few days0 -
Glad you shared...I think that always helps. I find that taking one day...sometimes one hour...is all I can manage. And, what's past is past...just start over. Start over 15 times a day if you have to.0
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I agree that therapy can be an amazing help if you're willing/able to do it. And starting over a million times a day too. Plus, think of it this way...you ran a half marathon! You will be running a marathon! How fast or how you *think* you'll do are irrelevant at this point. These are huge accomplishments in and of themselves. Don't let the food/body image issues take that away from you. Some people couldn't or wouldn't be able to do that, even if they don't struggle with disordered eating. Also, I personally know how hard it is to not be self-critical but when I can change my perspective to focus on all the positives in my life and progress I've made it takes away a lot of the stress and tension I've built up in my head...even if it's just...I binged today but it was a smaller binge than yesterday or, I binged but at least maintained my weight rather than gained. Things like that. Find something small that you're proud of and hold on to that. Everyone here is rooting for you. Hope you find some comfort and peace of mind.0
