Gastric ByPass/VSG/LapBand

Join

Do you have a counselor? How did you choose?

Options
5BeautifulDays
5BeautifulDays Posts: 683 Member
in Social Groups
So, I'm starting to realize that I may need some emotional support through this process of weight loss. I am doing fine, weight-loss-wise at 9 months out from surgery. I've lost 105 pounds and I've taken up both strength training and running. I'm in a size 14--down from a 24.
I'm not depressed, although I am probably over-tired.

But.

I am struggling. I feel very uncomfortable with physical intimacy--not just sex, but just anyone touching me *at all*. I can handle it from my kids, but sometimes I have to force myself to let them hug me. It reminds me a little of when I had three toddlers and was breast feeding and I was just "touched out." I'm starting to just push people away. I'm concerned my husband is feeling like I don't want to be with him (Not true! I love him--but I would be happiest if there was no touching. That's awful!) I don't like it when people comment on my weight loss (except for a few ladies who are considering surgery, who I've been happy to discuss it with). I don't like people to notice me. I don't like to be "seen".

I think I probably need a counselor. I didn't really like the one I went to for pre-op. She was very zen and new-agey, which just really isn't me. I'm assuming there are counselors who specialize with bariatric patients, but I don't know how to go about finding one. Do any of you have one, and how did you choose him/her?

Closing my eyes and posting, because this is really hard to do. :(

Replies

  • amybvsg
    amybvsg Posts: 3 Member
    Options
    I don't have anything to add other than to tell you you are not alone in how you are feeling. I am feeling the same way. I tried to find a counselor with weight loss/Bariatric background with no luck. I hope you are able to find someone you mesh with.
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
    Options
    I've been in counseling on and off through the years. Some counselors I liked, some I didn't. Those I didn't like also didn't last long. Your mental health is important, too important to waste your time with someone you don't connect with. My advice? Go back to your surgeon's office and ask for a referral to a counselor who specializes in WLS patients. Tell them you saw the one there (even name that doctor) but would prefer to try someone else. Read that last line again. You are not being critical, you are simply stating your preference. Now, pat yourself on the back! You are taking control of an issue you have and finding the help you need! That's awesome! That's being strong and resourceful! Just like you took control of the weight issue with WLS, you are now taking control of the emotional needs! Good job girl!

    Pat
  • badhair56
    badhair56 Posts: 239 Member
    Options
    I agree with Pat. you are the one who's in charge of your life, so take charge. your surgeons office surely knows more than one counselor, ask them for help. in the long run, if you don't like the counselor you won't benefit from seeing them because you won't listen to them.
  • cabennett99
    cabennett99 Posts: 357 Member
    Options
    Concur - one reason they have us meet with a counselor pre-op is so we'll be prepared for the possibility of these feelings and know that it's normal and help is out there. Your doctor office probably knows of other counsellors and can help you find someone who's more compatible. I wouldn't hestitate to see someone. I'm six months post op, and finding it a wierd to adjust to the way people relate to me physically. For the most part I try to view it as a NSV, but it's complicated.
  • valschlecht
    valschlecht Posts: 23 Member
    Options
    I have seen both psychiatrists and psychologists for years. I only had WLS 6 weeks ago. Yah, I'm a bit crazy! However, when you know that your feelings aren't jiving with your values and desires, it's time to get some help. I was a teacher/administrator for over 25 years, raised four kids, and I know that feeling of touch overload. I had it a lot for many years before my surgery. Did you experience any of these feelings prior to your surgery? Are you sure this is even connected with your surgery? I know I had a lot of similar issues prior to mine. If that is the case, do you really need to see a counselor that's a bariatric specialist or do you just need a counselor you connect with? I know it is very tough to find a good counselor. I sometimes think that it's a crap shoot, but I do know that if you try someone and they don't get you or impress you, find another one! I agree with Pat. It is a preference!! However, my best information about people comes from my friends. If you know someone that sees a therapist, ask for a recommendation. Of course, most people don't share anything about seeing a therapist, so you might not know they do. But ask around to people you know, that have similar values as you do, even if you "ask for a friend". Someone in your community knows who to trust! If you go to a church or synagogue or a mosque, they might have a recommendation as well. Blessings on finding the RIGHT one!
  • sunshine5474
    sunshine5474 Posts: 21 Member
    Options
    It's okay but remember not all changes happen overnight. I am still don't like it when my hubbie goes near the extra skin but always remember why you did this!!! For you and to be healthy so you can grow old with your husband and see your children mature and leave the nest. You got this!!!
  • 5BeautifulDays
    5BeautifulDays Posts: 683 Member
    Options
    Thank you, all. I'm going to call my surgeon's office on Monday for a referral list.
  • rpyle111
    rpyle111 Posts: 1,066 Member
    Options
    I have not had therapy, but probably should. If you can coherently pose a question (as you have) it will probably be a good thing to discuss with someone.

    You should absolutely feel comfortable with your chosen therapist. Keep looking until you find the one that works for you.

    Rob
  • cmchandler74
    cmchandler74 Posts: 510 Member
    Options
    Everyone else here has posted beautiful advice, but I just wanted to add my support. I'm at the beginning stages where people are beginning to compliment my weight loss and it's weird - I feel accomplished for coming so far, but I also feel like they are gauging my "worthiness" off of how I look now. At any rate, you can do this, and you are amongst friends who will have your back 100 percent here.
  • cheekitty
    cheekitty Posts: 101 Member
    Options
    If your surgeon doesn't have any useful suggestions, you might consider checking out therapists with experience with eating disorders. It's not quite the same area of expertise, but they have experience assisting patients with food and body image issues.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
    Options
    I was in therapy for a year before I ever considered WLS. I always felt that the first part of me I had to fix was my head! I felt that I was really ready when I made the decision. I have continued therapy through the whole process and I am glad I did. Losing a huge amount of weight, learning a new normal, getting used to how people treat you and react to you, and all of the other adjustments can put you on an emotional roller coaster

    As far as choosing the right therapist, I just got super lucky. I called someone who was covered by my insurance, she couldn't take on more patients so she referred me to someone else who was absolutely perfect for me. Make some calls, talk to people, and know that it's your choice and if you don't feel the right connection, you can move on until you do. It's an important relationship so don't settle. Good luck to you and good for you for recognizing what you are going through and owning it.

Categories