New, scared and feeling lost and hopeless
grandlinegirl
Posts: 49 Member
Hi everyone. I just came across this group and I'm very glad I found it. I'm looking forward to reading through all the different posts to see if I can get some help/the answers I'm looking for.
You see, I've just come to the realization that I'm a binge eater. I always knew I ate too much but I didn't know what I was doing was binging. And now that I know, I don't really know where to go from here.
My binge items are sweets and also pop. I will eat any and every sweet that is in the house. I will walk to the store and sneakily buy a whole bunch of sweets. On the way home I'll toss the receipts and hide them in my pockets so my parents don't know. I hide things in my room. Packs of donuts, cans of icing, bags of candy... That's one of my worst things for binging on and I'm so embarrassed by it. I will literally sit and eat spoonfuls of icing or eat 6 or 7 donuts at a time. As for pop, I will literally just guzzle it all day long. I won't drink anything else, no water, no juice... Just diet coke.
I'm 26 years old and I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I've tried so many times to change my habits. I've tried doing it slowly, changing one thing at a time and getting in the habit of that, and then tackling another issue and changing that... I've tried just changing things immediately and giving up cold-turkey. I've tried just cutting back... I always end up going back to old habits. Two years ago I lost 40 pounds and that was the most I've ever lost. I hurt my ankle badly and the injury lasted for a year. During that year I gained everything back and then some.
A few weeks ago I went to see a registered dietitian through my nurse practitioner clinic. Since I'm a patient of the clinic, I got to see her for free but she just confused me even more. She made things complicated and I didn't end up doing what she asked of me because it frustrated me to no end. I can't afford to pay to see one, so that's a dead end.
The clinic also has a social worker I can see for free but I'm not sure if I should do it. I don't know if she can help but like I said, I can't afford to pay to see someone.
I'm just lost with this. I have no will power whatsoever and no support from my parents. I've tried talking to them, but they have no interest in changing their habits. I'm stuck relying on them because I don't make enough money from my new job (even if it gives me a lot more hours than my previous one). I can't afford to buy groceries, so I'm stuck with whatever they buy. I have even offered to do the shopping for the family, but that's a no-go. It's frustrating and depressing.
So is the fact that I never stop thinking about food. It's always on my mind. I eat when I'm hungry, I eat when I'm not hungry. Sometimes I'll do good for a few days and then all bets are off and I'll eat everything in sight. I hate it.
But I'm glad I found this group. I know I'm not alone now and I'm hoping I can find some inspiration here because I've totally lost mine.
You see, I've just come to the realization that I'm a binge eater. I always knew I ate too much but I didn't know what I was doing was binging. And now that I know, I don't really know where to go from here.
My binge items are sweets and also pop. I will eat any and every sweet that is in the house. I will walk to the store and sneakily buy a whole bunch of sweets. On the way home I'll toss the receipts and hide them in my pockets so my parents don't know. I hide things in my room. Packs of donuts, cans of icing, bags of candy... That's one of my worst things for binging on and I'm so embarrassed by it. I will literally sit and eat spoonfuls of icing or eat 6 or 7 donuts at a time. As for pop, I will literally just guzzle it all day long. I won't drink anything else, no water, no juice... Just diet coke.
I'm 26 years old and I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I've tried so many times to change my habits. I've tried doing it slowly, changing one thing at a time and getting in the habit of that, and then tackling another issue and changing that... I've tried just changing things immediately and giving up cold-turkey. I've tried just cutting back... I always end up going back to old habits. Two years ago I lost 40 pounds and that was the most I've ever lost. I hurt my ankle badly and the injury lasted for a year. During that year I gained everything back and then some.
A few weeks ago I went to see a registered dietitian through my nurse practitioner clinic. Since I'm a patient of the clinic, I got to see her for free but she just confused me even more. She made things complicated and I didn't end up doing what she asked of me because it frustrated me to no end. I can't afford to pay to see one, so that's a dead end.
The clinic also has a social worker I can see for free but I'm not sure if I should do it. I don't know if she can help but like I said, I can't afford to pay to see someone.
I'm just lost with this. I have no will power whatsoever and no support from my parents. I've tried talking to them, but they have no interest in changing their habits. I'm stuck relying on them because I don't make enough money from my new job (even if it gives me a lot more hours than my previous one). I can't afford to buy groceries, so I'm stuck with whatever they buy. I have even offered to do the shopping for the family, but that's a no-go. It's frustrating and depressing.
So is the fact that I never stop thinking about food. It's always on my mind. I eat when I'm hungry, I eat when I'm not hungry. Sometimes I'll do good for a few days and then all bets are off and I'll eat everything in sight. I hate it.
But I'm glad I found this group. I know I'm not alone now and I'm hoping I can find some inspiration here because I've totally lost mine.
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Replies
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Welcome! It helps to know you're not alone. It seems like there are a lot of environmental circumstances out of your control and that makes controlling BED tough, IME.
I wonder if the Social Worker you have access to has experience with BED?0 -
I really don't think so. She's very young and fresh out of school, but she could. I have an appointment with her next Wednesday though and I'm hoping even if she can't help that she can point me in the direction of someone that can.0
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Thanks very much for your reply
I made an appointment with her and will see her next Wednesday. I found out some helpful info and I'm calling a counseling centre tomorrow. I was told they are income based so I could potentially get a rate that's affordable for me. I'm hopeful!0 -
I read your post above and even though I am older, I can absolutely relate to the sneak buying and hiding stuff. I Have bought candy at the supermarket and stuffed myself on the way home so I can throw away the wrapper before my wife sees it. There is no valid reason for this. She is in no way judgemental and is always supportive of me.
There are no easy answers and I think the advice above is sound, to find out why you binge in the first place. Personally I am a "taste" person so I dont need any other triggers.
I found 3 non expensive changes helped me significantly :
1. Drink a LOT more water - as much as you can , always have a water bottle. This helped to reduce my cravings
2. I have changed my sleep routines - I now get around 7 and 1/2 hours sleep a night up from around 6 and try and keep a similar bedtime all 7 days. Some of my cravings (the hot choclate in the vending machine at work) were driven by being permanently tired
3. Have healthy snacks between meals (keeps blood sugar from dropping). When I started I used pears with 5 or 6 almonds but have moved on to raw vegatables as my snack.
The 5 or 6 almonds may not sound like a lot - but they really help my system control blood sugar.
Finally - dont let one day or period of days knock you out of your stride. All of us here need support on our journeys. You are not alone and have made a great step forward by posting here. Good luck 0 -
Thanks for your reply
I've made an appointment with a therapist and I've started working on number 1. I've been mostly drinking water the past few days with maybe 1 diet pop per day (which is a huuuuge drop from before) but so far I haven't really noticed a change. The water doesn't make me feel full or anything.
Sleep routines... That's something I need to work on. To function I need 9 1/2-10 hours of sleep and I know that's a lot. Any less and I feel super groggy and irritable. I also usually go to sleep later and wake up at 10-11am which I know isn't great. That's on my list of stuff to change. When I stay up late, I usually end up having another big meal.
As far as the healthy snacks and all that... I'm going to try more. I was diagnosed with PCOS a few weeks ago and just got put on Metformin. I'm told if I eat unhealthily while taking it, it'll make me sick. So that will hopefully help keep me on track haha.
Thanks again. All the replies I've gotten have made me feel much better. Not alone. I appreciate it 0
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