new and feeling shame

gizmosmom02
gizmosmom02 Posts: 29 Member
Just found this group and I"m glad I did. Today I weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life and I am feeling so ashamed. Every morning I say "today's a new day and today I won't binge". Guess what? By the end of the day, I am disappointed in myself.

My life is weird. I spend way too much time around my ex (my children live with him because he was the stay at home dad) and I work. It seems all I do is work.

I just feel I have absolutely no control. I know I can't control myself around sugar and some carbs (like bread) set me off.

I have read some of the posts here, about finding other things to do. It seems eating is the only thing that gives me pleasure.

Why is it that we want something (eat healthy, don't binge, lose some weight) but we can't make ourselves do what we have to do to get there?

It is nice to know that I"m not alone.

Replies

  • I have the same problem. I have never been this heavy before and I self sabotaged my progress by exercising at least an hour a day and later eating up those calories in goodies. Right now, what is working for me is to truly be conscientious of what I am eating including the actual portion size and calories. I've been logging on MFP to see what the calorie count is and if I'm over, I go to the gym. If I later get hungry, I try to eat sugar free jello, salads or low calorie, high protein foods. I actually gave up sweets for a whole week and that was no easy task. The bottom line is you have to replace the unhealthy habit with a healthy habit. If you have to eat, eat the things that are low calorie. If you can actually replace the eating with an activity, go for a walk, read, organize something that you put on the back burner for a long time, go to the gym, clean, visit a friend, call someone, etc. Doing these things will hopefully help you get your control back. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. As I'm writing this, I'm fighting hunger pains but I'm tired of being fat so I'm learning to just deal with it because if I keep giving in to my stomach, I will continue to be overweight.
  • jknight001
    jknight001 Posts: 761 Member
    Two things come to mind, one is do your best to not have sweets and carbs in the house. The farther they are away the more likely you will be able to resist them. Second, maybe some journaling would help? You say that food is the only thing that gives you pleasure. Ask why then write down EVERYTHING that comes to mind. My guess is the food is just to numb the feelings. Once the feelings are dealt with, food will loosen its grip and other things in life will become as rewarding as food.
  • gizmosmom02
    gizmosmom02 Posts: 29 Member
    You know, the journaling is a good idea. wow. That has really struck a good chord with me. And the food to numb feelings is right on. It's also become such a habit. Thank you for the ideas. Also, as I look through this site, I see that I don't have to ignore my favourite foods (except the trigger ones). Before I was focused on low-carb but everyone here has said it's just calories.
    And thank you to afoolandhercupcakes....I do need to substitute habits. I think I have finally learned, too, that I have to keep certain foods out of the house completely.
  • lindabortner
    lindabortner Posts: 20 Member
    I am reading all of these posts instead of binge eating. So far it is working. If i can make it past 8:00 pm, I will have my calming tea and my popcorn and call it a day. If i start snacking earlier, it usually ends up being a huge binge. That is how i have lost 34 pounds since March. I am still deathly afraid of backsliding. I still have 44 pounds to lose. I have binged a few times over the last several months, but did not beat myself up about it. We are all here to fight the same battle and we can do it. We have to for our health. I will accept any and all of your friend requests.
  • Roaringgael
    Roaringgael Posts: 339 Member
    Just found this group and I"m glad I did. Today I weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life and I am feeling so ashamed. Every morning I say "today's a new day and today I won't binge". Guess what? By the end of the day, I am disappointed in myself.

    My life is weird. I spend way too much time around my ex (my children live with him because he was the stay at home dad) and I work. It seems all I do is work.

    I just feel I have absolutely no control. I know I can't control myself around sugar and some carbs (like bread) set me off.

    I have read some of the posts here, about finding other things to do. It seems eating is the only thing that gives me pleasure.

    Why is it that we want something (eat healthy, don't binge, lose some weight) but we can't make ourselves do what we have to do to get there?

    It is nice to know that I"m not alone.

    Never alone! I have been working on changing the way I eat now for 22 months. I use MFP every day, every day. I log all my food - good or bad. Overall I have changed the way I eat - one day at a time, I am now reasonably comfortable with my food plan and (for me) my calorie restrictions etc. I eat mainly unprocessed foods. Keeping my choices simple. I have lost 41kgs (>90 lbs). Regaining a bit of control over my food improved my outlook on life. I would recommend some sort of psychological therapy if you can afford it. Recently I saw a psychologist because of stuff that happened around my son's breakdown and how my partner behaved at the time. This was the best thing I could have done as she helped me resolve many emotional issues around that.

    Food wise I can recommend staying away from trigger foods to start with - I avoided highly refined carbs and sugars completely for awhile. I now have the occasional bit but don't eat it regularly.
  • becboo72
    becboo72 Posts: 2 Member
    Hi, it isn't easy but you will get there. I have lost nearly 2 stone since January 1st, but still struggle with the monsters within when I am sad stressed lonely etc. Xxxx
  • danifo0811
    danifo0811 Posts: 538 Member
    I'm here too. I've been going up and down the same 5-7 lbs since February.

    Initially, it was stress (new baby had a NiCU stay and was followed by blood draws for a few issues for a few months). Now I am at home and all I want to do is eat. I know what I should do. I know meals I've used in the past. I know I sholdny eat unless I've planned it... Now it feels like everything triggers me to eat more (boredom, kids fighting, stress, fatigue...)

    I do exercise regularly but I hate how I eat.
  • fruitydelicious
    fruitydelicious Posts: 664 Member
    Hang in there!!! I couldn't stop my cravings and mini binges until I totally committed to not eating flour of any kind or processed sugar (i do eat a small amount of honey). I still have cravings, but not as intensely. I also remind myself that it is "just food", and I can choose to eat healthy food and ignore "junk". I won't say it is easy, but it is worth it!! I eventually want to be able to eat a treat every now and then, but can not handle it right now.