Update...1 year after competing!
Sh0ewh0re7_BlingItOn
Posts: 501 Member
So, here I am a year after my final competition.....(the dress hides a lot)!
Sometimes I say, "I wish I never did it" and other times I'm so happy to have gone through it, proving to myself and all the nay-sayers out there that I can do whatever I set my mind to. That I am STRONG willed, persistent, and all around amazing! Which, I AM, duh!!!
Why do I say I wish I never had? Well, here goes:
I don't feel "normal" anymore. I always say to my husband, "I just want to be normal again". After dieting, training, and looking the way you do for competitions, regular life just seems "wrong" or "not enough" in some twisted way. I almost feel like I developed an unhealthy relationship with food where it is an ALL or NOTHING mentality. I either eat ALL (everything and anything, anytime with no regard for moderation or cheat meals) or NOTHING. Not "literally" nothing. What I mean is no cheats at all, therefore, leaving me feeling that I'm "fat" or "undisciplined" if I eat something indulgent or deprived if I eat in a completely clean way.
The happy medium I once lived so blissfully in was GONE. Happy medium, you ask? I'll tell you.
Before I ever competed I used to live in a perfect little world where I worked out/trained during the week 4-5 days, ate relatively good and on the weekends, if I had a party, event, or function to attend, I'd go and actually ENJOY it along with the food and drinks. I was able to keep myself at my goal weight of 123 (when being really good) to 128 (when I'd let up a little). I'd maintained that weight for as long as I can remember. At least 20+ years. I've been working on getting to that happy medium once again. I went up to 140 after my last show in June (2014). Yes, I do realize and can see that I've put on some muscle mass, but I KNOW I didn't put on 12lbs of muscle! Right now I'm working on getting myself back down to 128-133, as only 5lbs of my weight gain is probably muscle. I've been up and down from 150-139 in the past year and no matter what I've done cannot get back down. I've busted my *kitten* in the gym, dieted like I did before and nothing. My metabolism has been damaged from the extreme dieting involved in competing. My body is holding onto literally everything I eat and not responding to any cardio. I really wish someone would have warned me about this, not that I would have listened! I'm currently at 147 and trying to reverse the damage done by only lifting and doing some HIIT sessions, NO CARDIO and no extreme dieting. I've read up a lot on metabolic damage and this seems to be the only way to fix it. I just have to be patient and not be so hard on myself. Easier said than done.
All this said, I won't compete again. It's a taxing life....on your wallet, emotions, and body. I'm 41, it's not like I'm going to become a PRO and make this my "bread and butter". For me, it was more of a challenge...Which I completed gloriously! Bucket list checked off and I'M PRETTY DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!
XOXO, BLING!
Sometimes I say, "I wish I never did it" and other times I'm so happy to have gone through it, proving to myself and all the nay-sayers out there that I can do whatever I set my mind to. That I am STRONG willed, persistent, and all around amazing! Which, I AM, duh!!!
Why do I say I wish I never had? Well, here goes:
I don't feel "normal" anymore. I always say to my husband, "I just want to be normal again". After dieting, training, and looking the way you do for competitions, regular life just seems "wrong" or "not enough" in some twisted way. I almost feel like I developed an unhealthy relationship with food where it is an ALL or NOTHING mentality. I either eat ALL (everything and anything, anytime with no regard for moderation or cheat meals) or NOTHING. Not "literally" nothing. What I mean is no cheats at all, therefore, leaving me feeling that I'm "fat" or "undisciplined" if I eat something indulgent or deprived if I eat in a completely clean way.
The happy medium I once lived so blissfully in was GONE. Happy medium, you ask? I'll tell you.
Before I ever competed I used to live in a perfect little world where I worked out/trained during the week 4-5 days, ate relatively good and on the weekends, if I had a party, event, or function to attend, I'd go and actually ENJOY it along with the food and drinks. I was able to keep myself at my goal weight of 123 (when being really good) to 128 (when I'd let up a little). I'd maintained that weight for as long as I can remember. At least 20+ years. I've been working on getting to that happy medium once again. I went up to 140 after my last show in June (2014). Yes, I do realize and can see that I've put on some muscle mass, but I KNOW I didn't put on 12lbs of muscle! Right now I'm working on getting myself back down to 128-133, as only 5lbs of my weight gain is probably muscle. I've been up and down from 150-139 in the past year and no matter what I've done cannot get back down. I've busted my *kitten* in the gym, dieted like I did before and nothing. My metabolism has been damaged from the extreme dieting involved in competing. My body is holding onto literally everything I eat and not responding to any cardio. I really wish someone would have warned me about this, not that I would have listened! I'm currently at 147 and trying to reverse the damage done by only lifting and doing some HIIT sessions, NO CARDIO and no extreme dieting. I've read up a lot on metabolic damage and this seems to be the only way to fix it. I just have to be patient and not be so hard on myself. Easier said than done.
All this said, I won't compete again. It's a taxing life....on your wallet, emotions, and body. I'm 41, it's not like I'm going to become a PRO and make this my "bread and butter". For me, it was more of a challenge...Which I completed gloriously! Bucket list checked off and I'M PRETTY DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!
XOXO, BLING!
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I am considering competing at aged 44 for the challenge but I am concerned about the commitment. I have a very busy life 3 children with special needs, full time job (shift work) and a daughter who keeps me busy with her Dancing and tae kwondo . My husband is also very unsupportive. On top of this money is tight. Would love to do it for the experience but probably a pipe dream. Well done on competing.
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First, I love your shirt, you look fantastic. And congrats on your achievement.
This is so much of how I felt. I couldn't reconcile that "stage look" with everyday look. I'm getting better but I totally relate to this post. I often warn people of the same thing.
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joybedford wrote: »I am considering competing at aged 44 for the challenge but I am concerned about the commitment. I have a very busy life 3 children with special needs, full time job (shift work) and a daughter who keeps me busy with her Dancing and tae kwondo . My husband is also very unsupportive. On top of this money is tight. Would love to do it for the experience but probably a pipe dream. Well done on competing.
Joy, I hear you with the busy life. I did my competing during the busiest time of my life with a 1 year old turning 2, working as a 911 dispatcher on the midnight shift, working as the bookkeeper for my husband's business, and also playing Roller Derby on the team I founded. My husband was also competing at the same time. So to say our time was spread really thin is an understatement! We stopped competing because we basically wanted to have a normal family life now that our daughter was getting older, about to turn 3 when we quit, now 4. It's not fair to her that we are basically hermits during prep due to social situations sucking total *kitten* because we couldn't partake in the food or drinks and the fact that we were grumpy. Also the eating every 3 hours makes for difficulties having family dinners. I guess I'm just more interested in giving my daughter all of my undivided attention now.
I would advise anyone who asked my opinion NOT to compete. It's first off very expensive with no reward (other than a plastic trophy). Yes, you get to say you "did it", but at what cost? I am so screwed up right now, not only physically (body not responding to workouts or nutrition) and holding onto everything I eat. But I'm also mentally screwed up...one day feeling, that "I don't look that bad" and other days completely HATING myself for being "so fat and disgusting". I am up from a size 2/4 to a 6/8 and 20 lbs from my normal everyday weight....I don't care to be competition weight ever again, I just want to be ME.0 -
3dogsrunning wrote: »First, I love your shirt, you look fantastic. And congrats on your achievement.
This is so much of how I felt. I couldn't reconcile that "stage look" with everyday look. I'm getting better but I totally relate to this post. I often warn people of the same thing.
Thanks! I love the shirt too. When I played, my derby name was Bling It On
I am proud of the achievement, but it came at a great cost. Did you experience the same issues with the rebound weight not coming off no matter what you did? If so, what has been the outcome, did your body eventually bounce back and how long did it take?0 -
I feel the same way. If I had one piece of advice to give someone thinking of competing, DONT. the relationship with food and your body is never the same and it takes a long time to get back to a healthy mindset.
I totally agree lili! Anyone that ASKS for my opinion always gets the DON'T DO IT answer from me. The aftermath is not worth it. Did you have the same issues with rebound weight not coming off? Are you back at your normal weight now? I can't seem to get out of this "hole"...I'll lose 5, gain 2-3, lose again, gain again. So frikken FRUSTRATING to say the least.0
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